Dad jokes
I can't have my Oreos 😠Why?
My dad still hasn't came back with that God damn milk.
I just competed in a wrestling tournament. The first guy hit me harder than my dad’s belt.
My ex's dad died while she was texting me. She said she had a boyfriend, but I told her I had a dad.
Dad: Hey, uh... you're adopted.
Dog: *frown*
Your eyebrows are far from home just like your dad.
Memes
My dad died in 9/11. He was the best pilot I have ever seen, though.
What's the difference between your dad and grocery shopping?
He didn't come back with the milk.
I just encountered a father and son moment over some milk.
The dad finally came back with the milk!
I complained to my dad why he never took me to the zoo.
He said if they want you, they’ll come get you.
What is the difference between your dad and a video game?
Your dad doesn’t beat you.
Magician: "I am the greatest magician in the whole world. Look, now you see the rabbit in the hat, and now it is gone!"
Redneck girl: "That's nothing. My dad is the greatest magician! He disappears for a whole year and reappears at Christmas for a couple of hours!"
Orphan: I'm hungry.
Dad: Let's go to KFC.
Orphan 2: Boy, you don't got a dad!
Your mama's so young your dad went to jail.
Your dad died of hunger on the journey to find the milk.
Little Johnny is with his dad behind a garbage truck when a dildo thumps the windshield.
To protect Little Johnny's innocence, he says, "That was an insect."
Little Johnny replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!"
At what point does a joke become a dad joke?
When it disappears and never returns home.
I loved the Twin Towers, it's a shame my dad didn't.
Son: Dad, where are you?
Dad: Getting another one.
Son: Getting what?
Dad: Dad.
I hate my stupid wrinkly ring doing f, dad!
My cousin just broke up with her boyfriend, and I told her, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of his stuff."