Dad jokes

A dad tells his son, "Stop masturbating! If you do it too long, you will go blind."

The son replied, "Dad, I'm over here!"

Yo mama so fat, it took your dad eight years to come back with the milk.

When you see an orphanage bully, remind them that no matter how powerful they are, they will never be as strong as their dads... Oh wait, they don't have a dad.

My dad told me a joke one time. When I realized the joke, the second tower was hit.

Little boy asked his dad why he was born black.

Father replied, "So the heat from the sun doesn't burn your skin."

Then he asks, "Why is our hair all frizzy like fuse wire?"

"So the coconuts when falling from the trees won't hurt you."

"Then what are we doing living in Rochdale? (England)"

I wish I knew life, but my dad said it was a mistake to begin with.

If you spell "swim" backwards you get "miws."

Where is my dad?

My mom loves balls.

But my dad has been gone for the last 4 years.

Moms have Mother's Day and dads have Father's Day. What do single guys have?

Palm Sunday.

I told my dad, "I just thought of something funny." He said, "Your face?"

Mother: We need to talk about sex...

Jason: Oh, sex, tell me what do you wanna know.

Jason had a big whooping from his mother and big spanking from his dad.

Mom! I think that dad is sleeping.

Mom: No, honey, I killed him.

Me: Hey dad, I'm in debt, my dick got cut off, I have depression, and I am suicidal!

Dad: Hi in debt, my dick got cut off, I have depression, and I am suicidal! I'm dad!

Q: What did one atom say to the other?

A: I have my ion you.

What’s the difference between Santa and my dad?

Santa got the milk.

My dad walked in on me having sex with a dog. She gasped and shouted at me, "Get out of here, it's my turn!"

10 years ago my dad said I should eat cereal with water until he comes back with the milk... I still eat cereal with water, sadly.

I've never seen my dad since September 11. I wonder where he is...

Yo dad is like a boomerang; he never comes back.

How did Billy find out he was in a minefield?

He saw his dad's corpse holding a jug of milk.