Dad jokes

I asked my dad why a grown man would play Pokémon Go?

He said “Wynaut.”

Why does the orphan drink hot coco with water?

Because his dad never came back with the milk.

When the school shooter enters the classroom and it's the quiet kid's dad.

I will be back, I'm gonna get milk...

Me:...

Me: Dad, my phone is broken.

Dad: How?

Me: I clicked the home button, but I'm still at school.

Dad: Stupid.

I wasn't close to my dad when he died.

Which was good, he died to a landmine.

What's one thing you'll never find in lost and found?

Your dad.

Dad: You’re looking pretty sheepish.

Son: That’s too baaaaaad!

What does a bullet and milk have in common? They both take out your dad.

Your dad is so fat that when he walks past the TV, I miss three episodes of South Park.

I took my sister and cousin to a sleepover with lil Diddy, who my dad's friend has connections with.

I think the experience went fine, but they were traumatized. We got what we wanted.

Kid: What is an orphan's favorite breakfast?

Teacher: What?

Kid: Fruity Pebbles with water.

Teacher: Why water?

Kid: 'Cause his dad never came back with the milk.

Son: Why don't cannibals eat clowns?

Dad: Don't know, why?

Son: Because they taste funny.

Yo mama is so fat your dad could never get away.

I asked my mom if I can help her out with the cooking, she answered yes.

A few hours later, dinner was ready and dad came to join. Mother said, "Honey, can you get the mashed potatoes?" Dad said, "Why, she’s right here."

When you see an orphanage bully, remind them that no matter how powerful they are, they will never be as strong as their dads... Oh wait, they don't have a dad.

My friend says, "You should try Oreos with water."

Me: No, because my dad actually came back with the milf.

Queen Elizabeth came back before your dad did.

“My Mum told me the best time to ask my Dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I’d ever been given.

I burst in through the bedroom door saying, ‘Can I have a new bike?’ He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.”

My mom and dad: KIDS COME DOWNSTAIRS TO EAT! Me: What's for dinner? Mom and Dad: Food.

The next day KIDS COME DOWNSTAIRS FOR FOOD! My brother and sister: What's for dinner? Me: Food ;-;