Dad jokes
I asked my mom why dad was so pale and sick. She said, "Shut the fuck up and keep digging!"
Never say to an orphan, "Bye buddy, hope you find your dad!"
Son, what is 1 plus 1?
Dad, I don't know.
Son, it is 2.
Dad, oh, I was gonna say 2.
The little girl's dad was Jewish and her mom was Catholic. Mom had been taking the little girl to church every Sunday.
One Sunday, during High Mass, the little girl whispers to her mom, “Mom, can we go home now?”
“No honey, not yet,” replied the mother, “the Mass is only half over.”
“Then we can go now, Mom. I'm half Jewish.”
What do you call a girl with one leg? Ilean.
Your mom after your dad left and never came back with the milk
Your dad left you because he went for milk.
*1,000,000 years later*
Her: Dad come back!
Him: FBI open up!
Dad and Mom: -takes one look at Child-
Dad and Mom: "We don't want him."
Orphan: And I took that, personally.
Your mama's so young your dad went to jail.
If you're American when you go in the bathroom and you're American when you come out, what are you in the bathroom?
European.
Why did my dad leave me? Because I was a disappointment.
Bin Laden’s kid comes sad from school.
“Dad, I got an F in Geography class!”
“Why is that?”
“The teacher asked me what’s the tallest building in New York and I said ‘Empire State Building.’”
Bin Laden waits a moment and then replies, “Let dad handle this one.”
What's the difference between a Black person and a White person?
One has a dad, while the other searches.
Q: What’s worse than fingerbanging your sister?
A: Finding your dad's wedding ring.
Dad: Uh, yeah!
Son: Mom, Dad, what are you doing!
Parents: Sex!
Son: What?
Parents: Look, you can spectate!
Why do orphans have no sense of humor?
I guess they've never heard a dad joke.
My dad died in 9/11, and that was the second worst thing that happened to me with a plane, next to Soul Plane.
My dad tells me and my sister to stop arguing, so she elbowed me in my damn nose.
Your forehead is like my dad.
Non-existent.
Cheer for fun on the telephone and singing, "We are family!" Even then, your dad, really, he's fat, just like your dad. And your mom's fat ass, b**** ass, looking like an Oompa Loompa self, looking like an ugly.
A kid named Timmy said to his dad that he had sex with his teacher, and his dad was proud of him and gave him a bike.
The kid said, "I can't use it; my butt hurts!"