Cut jokes

What did Steven Hawking say when the WiFi cut out?.........Nothing.

My mom was cooking dinner and asked me if I could get her a cutting board.

"No, I need you to take off your shirt and lay on the island so I can cut some chicken."

A guy cut me in the lunch line. After that, a rock was thrown at him by my friend.

How do you make an emo mad at you?

Cut the rope.

My friend is an amazing hacker. He cut down 23 trees already.

I told my dad I was self harming. The next day we talked about it and he said, "Hey you should CUT it out." It was funny but I couldn't bring myself to laugh at that.

How do butts start a conversation?

"Let's cut to the chase!"

How is an emo kid’s wrist like Pink Floyd?

It’s all shitty until you reach the final cut.

How many Emo kids does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, they sit in the dark crying.

None, they sit in the dark cutting their wrists.

I can’t hang out with an emo when they are sad? Why? Because it cuts deeply.

Did you hear about the mad who got his whole left side cut off? He's all right now.

Q. What's the difference between pizza and an emo?

A. The pizza doesn't cut itself.

How can you save a depressed person from a tree?

You cut the rope.

I once had an emo friend doing a course for the marines. He made the cut.

What do you call a piece of tech that acts emo?

Cutting-edge Technology.

Why did the lil kid cut himself?

Answer: Because he was emo, HAHHHAHAHAHAAHHA!

One Tuesday afternoon, Little Jonny decides he wants extra homework, so he went to his teacher and said, "Hello, can I have extra homework this week?"

The teacher replied with, "Sure, be at my house Friday afternoon to cut my lawn, polish the counters, scrub the baseboards, scrub and paint the walls!"

And Johnny replied with, "That's not what I meant, but at least I'll get paid!"

The teacher said, "How about $200 each job?"

Johnny replied with, "OK."

Friday afternoon at her house, after Johnny does all the jobs, he asked for his payment and the teacher laughed and said, "You do know that Tuesday was April Fools' Day, right?"

So, a few hours ago my friend said I need to CUT it out with the s/h jokes... like... it's really not that deep?

What do you call an emo with knife cuts on their wrist?

A barcode.

I gave my friend some paper. It cut his wrists.