When you say, "I wish I could cut off these bumps on my neck." (Your mom walking to you with a knife.)
The circular saw asked the chainsaw, "When am I as big as you?"
The chainsaw would answer with, "When you cut down some things in your life. Like your owner."
The circular saw would reply with, "What?"
I wish the grass in my backyard was emo
So it can cut its self
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To cut through traffic.
I've heard stories of my mother. She was a teenager and left me in the blender, but luckily the power cut out, like at the orphanage.
Q: What is the most expensive haircut? A: Chemo therapy.
Making a comforting breakfast.
But you have a knife.
The Emo kid was late to his flight, so he needed to cut to the chase.
MU, I love your joke, but I cut myself a piece of cake, pie, steak, cheesecake, and anything else I can find.
Your hairline is like Justin Bieber’s buzz cut.
Butcher knives are great tools for cutting many things!
Fruit, vegetables, my arms.
Running out of time to cut the grass, may have to cut it short.
What did the orphan say to the barber?
I dunno, the orphanage doesn’t pay for haircuts.
My friend: I want to cut myself.
Me: No, don’t do that. *hands lighter* Do this instead.
Your buzz cut is so bad that the bees buzz around it!
Why do egos like robbing banks?
They get a cut.
Why did the skydiver bring a backup parachute?
In case the first one wanted to "cut ties" with them mid-air.
I should probably stop making emo jokes.
They just don't seem to cut it anymore.
Answering a knock at my door, I see a vacuum cleaner salesman who proceeds to tip a huge bucket of shit all over my carpet, before proclaiming any trace this hoover doesn't remove I will personally eat myself.
"Well, I hope you're hungry," I replied, "'cause they cut off my electric this morning!"
Your hairline is so far back your mom can't cut it.
