Cut jokes

I'd make an emo joke, but that would be cutting a little too close.

What’s the easiest way to make a glow worm happy? Cut off its tail—it’ll be delighted!

Two friends fighting.

Friend 3: "Cut it out, you two!"

Friend 4: "It wouldn't help if they cut it out... Believe me... I've tried..."

What do me, emos, and Monster cans have in common?

A barcode.

If you have emo grass and don't pay attention to it, it will cut itself.

My best friend is transgender; she transitioned from a man into a woman. I think it's courageous of her to take a pay cut like that.

I wish I had emo nails,

So they could cut themselves.

Jack and Jill went up a hill so Jill could lick Jack's candystick, but Jill got a surprise when she saw her boyfriend Rik. He got so angry Jack has no candystick no more. Jill went home with a black eye, and Rik got arrested for cutting Jack's candystick.

I can't believe this!

Pizza is round and it comes in a square box, and you cut it into a triangle.

What do you say to a depressed person?

"I like ya cut, G."

Was invited to the inauguration of an I-pad.

We were all ready to begin the event. I was supposed to cut the ribbons, but before I could do that, Penaldo jumped outta nowhere and shouted, "I DON'T WANT I-PAD, I ONLY WANT TO STATPAD!"

Shame on Penaldo for ruining the event! 😡

A guy goes ice fishing for the very first time. All of a sudden, he hears a voice. “There are no fish under the ice!”

He ignores it and moves to another area, cuts a hole, and tosses his line in. Again, he hears the booming voice: “There are no fish under the ice!”

He nervously looks up and asks, “Lord? Is that you?”

“No, this is the rink manager!”

Old McDonald cuts himself. E-m E-m-O!

My biology teacher told us "get out nice and sharp colored pencils." Does she mean as sharp as in the blades I use to cut myself?

OWWWWWWWWWWW I JUST GOT A CUT ON MY BUTT. Oh wait, that’s always been there.

My friend: I want to cut myself.

Me: No, don’t do that. *hands lighter* Do this instead.

These people who are offended by rape jokes don’t even understand humor. They think of humor as like a happy thing because humor makes us laugh and laughter makes us happy, but most of the jokes that we laugh at are filled with pain and suffering. If I take a joke like, how many police officers does it take to change a light bulb? None, they just beat the room for being black. Now that joke isn’t making light of the fact that people have marched in the civil rights movement and people have been racially discriminated against. It’s not making light of those, what it’s doing is it’s taking that pain and suffering and making you transcend it for a moment, and showing the absurdity of the human mind, and that is important. Humor at its best takes the bad things in this world that are painful and hard to deal with and makes it something funny.

And before you go in the comments and say I agree with rape, I don’t. I hope everybody who rapes someone to have their dick cut off. My little sister got fucking raped when she was six, and the guy is lucky he got caught by the police and not me, cause if I caught I would have fucking killed him, so I don’t agree with rape, but I still think rape jokes should still not be taken so seriously!

What is white, then red, and is very fast?

My chainsaw blade.

"what's that on your wrist?"

"I'm a cutting board. duh"

What do Mexicans cut their pizza with? A Little Caesars.