Cut jokes
My therapist said, "Time heals all wounds," so I cut her.
"Dad, did you get a haircut?"
"No, I got them all cut!"
I tried to fight a razor. It cut me so deep I thought I would die.
Turns out he didn't kill me. I was never happy, but that shit made me angry.
When I nailed the quiz, my teacher wasn't very happy. I wasn't either with all those paper cuts.
Oof.
What ankle is getting cut off of school? The lights.
Someone cutting the cheese then farted.
Someone sees the cheese, and it smelled like crap (literally). He said, "Who cut the cheese?"
Why did the rapper become a barber?
Because they love CUTTING TRACKS!
The circular saw asked the chainsaw, "When am I as big as you?"
The chainsaw would answer with, "When you cut down some things in your life. Like your owner."
The circular saw would reply with, "What?"
When you say, "I wish I could cut off these bumps on my neck." (Your mom walking to you with a knife.)
Why is Dawayne so small? Because his parents cut him up into small slices!
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To cut through traffic.
Making a comforting breakfast.
But you have a knife.
Yo mama so ugly, when she was cutting onions, the onions cried instead of her.
How many Emo kids does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they sit in the dark crying.
None, they sit in the dark cutting their wrists.
I wish the grass in my backyard was emo.
So it can cut itself.
Running out of time to cut the grass, may have to cut it short.
Butcher knives are great tools for cutting many things!
Fruit, vegetables, my arms.
Q: What is the most expensive haircut? A: Chemo therapy.
I've heard stories of my mother. She was a teenager and left me in the blender, but luckily the power cut out, like at the orphanage.
Old McDonald cuts himself. E-m E-m-O!