Cut jokes
Sometimes I wish my grass was depressed, then it would just cut itself.
The Emo kid was late to his flight, so he needed to cut to the chase.
What did the orphan say to the barber?
I dunno, the orphanage doesn’t pay for haircuts.
MU, I love your joke, but I cut myself a piece of cake, pie, steak, cheesecake, and anything else I can find.
Yo mama so ugly, when she was cutting onions, the onions cried instead of her.
When you say, "I wish I could cut off these bumps on my neck." (Your mom walking to you with a knife.)
The circular saw asked the chainsaw, "When am I as big as you?"
The chainsaw would answer with, "When you cut down some things in your life. Like your owner."
The circular saw would reply with, "What?"
How many Emo kids does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they sit in the dark crying.
None, they sit in the dark cutting their wrists.
Butcher knives are great tools for cutting many things!
Fruit, vegetables, my arms.
Making a comforting breakfast.
But you have a knife.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To cut through traffic.
Running out of time to cut the grass, may have to cut it short.
I wish the grass in my backyard was emo.
So it can cut itself.
I've heard stories of my mother. She was a teenager and left me in the blender, but luckily the power cut out, like at the orphanage.
Q: What is the most expensive haircut? A: Chemo therapy.
Why is Dawayne so small? Because his parents cut him up into small slices!
Why did the skydiver bring a backup parachute?
In case the first one wanted to "cut ties" with them mid-air.
My friend: I want to cut myself.
Me: No, don’t do that. *hands lighter* Do this instead.
Why do egos like robbing banks?
They get a cut.
Your buzz cut is so bad that the bees buzz around it!