Cut jokes
My friend: I want to cut myself.
Me: No, don’t do that. *hands lighter* Do this instead.
The Emo kid was late to his flight, so he needed to cut to the chase.
MU, I love your joke, but I cut myself a piece of cake, pie, steak, cheesecake, and anything else I can find.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To cut through traffic.
I wish the grass in my backyard was emo.
So it can cut itself.
How many Emo kids does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they sit in the dark crying.
None, they sit in the dark cutting their wrists.
Butcher knives are great tools for cutting many things!
Fruit, vegetables, my arms.
Running out of time to cut the grass, may have to cut it short.
Q: What is the most expensive haircut? A: Chemo therapy.
I've heard stories of my mother. She was a teenager and left me in the blender, but luckily the power cut out, like at the orphanage.
I should probably stop making emo jokes.
They just don't seem to cut it anymore.
Old McDonald cuts himself. E-m E-m-O!
Answering a knock at my door, I see a vacuum cleaner salesman who proceeds to tip a huge bucket of shit all over my carpet, before proclaiming any trace this hoover doesn't remove I will personally eat myself.
"Well, I hope you're hungry," I replied, "'cause they cut off my electric this morning!"
What do cutting boards and a suicidal teen's wrist have in common?
They both have cutting marks.
Your hairline is so far back your mom can't cut it.
How do butts start a conversation?
"Let's cut to the chase!"
Why did the rapper become a barber?
To give everyone FRESH CUTS.
How do u get a depressed person out of a tree?
You cut the rope they hung themself in...
I got so bad about cutting myself every time I went to the bathroom, I wanted to break my jacket zipper off and use that!
I'm gonna open up a bar for emos.
I think I'll call it "The Cutting Board."