This is how animals were named.
"Bye Son." *cuts call*. What are we talking about?
"Bison. Perfect."
Cut Jokes
I should probably stop making emo jokes.
They just don't seem to cut it anymore.
I used to be emo, but I don't cut myself to solve my problems anymore.
I just drink a bunch of liquor like an adult.
Answering a knock at my door, I see a vacuum cleaner salesman who proceeds to tip a huge bucket of shit all over my carpet, before proclaiming any trace this hoover doesn't remove I will personally eat myself.
"Well, I hope you're hungry," I replied, "'cause they cut off my electric this morning!"
Your hairline is so far back your mom can't cut it.
How do u get a depressed person out of a tree?
You cut the rope they hung themself in...
I got so bad about cutting myself every time I went to the bathroom, I wanted to break my jacket zipper off and use that!
Why did the rapper become a barber?
To give everyone FRESH CUTS.
How do butts start a conversation?
"Let's cut to the chase!"
Sat at a busy intersection with a slice of bread, waiting for a traffic jam.
Cut a hole in the rug so he could see a dirty floor show.
He took hay to bed to feed his nightmare.
Took a tape measure to bed to see how long he slept.
Put his nose out the window so the wind will blow it.
Died with his boots on because he didn't want to hurt his toes when he kicked the bucket.
First Date: HE: "I work with animals every day!" SHE: "Oh how sweet! What is it that you do?" HE: "I’m a butcher." SHE: "Perfect! I work with humans, I just kill them by cutting them up!"
HE: "So it's you in the newspaper?" SHE: "Yes, it was, wanna be next?" HE: "No!"
What's one thing you should never ask a suicidal person? "Are you okay?" because the next day they'll either be dead or have a lot more cuts than they started with.
To those who are dead now, was it fun?
Did you hear about the mad who got his whole left side cut off? He's all right now.
What does an emo kid and pizza have in common?...... The pizza doesn’t cut itself.
Emo people are like other emo people, they're emo. Laugh now or I'll cut your eyes out. Tee hee!
What is 8 divided by 2?
Answer: 3 (you cut 8 in half).
Friends, who's your barber? They mess up big time.
Me.
You're just jealous because my dad cuts my hair for free, and you have to be paying 30 dollars just for that short-ass cut.
Jesus was being hung up on the cross, and me and all the other people at the bottom of the hill were watching. Jesus cries out,
"Peter, Peter come to me!"
So I climb up the hill on my hands and knees, and when I reach the top, the Romans cut off my arms and chuck me back down the hill.
"Peter, Peter come to me!" cries Jesus once more. I stumble up the hill, then the Romans cut my legs off and threw me back down. For the third time, Jesus cries,
"Peter, Peter come to me!". So I wriggle up the hill, and I guess the Romans pitied me and let me through.
"Look Peter, I can see my house from here!"
Did you hear about the emo kid who auditioned for the school play?
He made the cut.
What's the difference between a watermelon and an orphan?
One you cut into 2 with a knife.
And the watermelon you cut into pieces.
