Cut jokes
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To cut through traffic.
The circular saw asked the chainsaw, "When am I as big as you?"
The chainsaw would answer with, "When you cut down some things in your life. Like your owner."
The circular saw would reply with, "What?"
I wish the grass in my backyard was emo.
So it can cut itself.
Running out of time to cut the grass, may have to cut it short.
Butcher knives are great tools for cutting many things!
Fruit, vegetables, my arms.
When you say, "I wish I could cut off these bumps on my neck." (Your mom walking to you with a knife.)
Why is Dawayne so small? Because his parents cut him up into small slices!
How many Emo kids does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they sit in the dark crying.
None, they sit in the dark cutting their wrists.
I've heard stories of my mother. She was a teenager and left me in the blender, but luckily the power cut out, like at the orphanage.
Q: What is the most expensive haircut? A: Chemo therapy.
Old McDonald cuts himself. E-m E-m-O!
What did the orphan say to the barber?
I dunno, the orphanage doesn’t pay for haircuts.
How much is McDonald's on a hot day?
Trump cut the company's advertising spending on Spotcom by 25%.
What did Henry VIII say when he was asked to review Six the Musical?
"It was okay, but I really think they could have cut a few parts."
Answering a knock at my door, I see a vacuum cleaner salesman who proceeds to tip a huge bucket of shit all over my carpet, before proclaiming any trace this hoover doesn't remove I will personally eat myself.
"Well, I hope you're hungry," I replied, "'cause they cut off my electric this morning!"
What do cutting boards and a suicidal teen's wrist have in common?
They both have cutting marks.
Your hairline is so far back your mom can't cut it.
Why did the rapper become a barber?
To give everyone FRESH CUTS.
I'm gonna open up a bar for emos.
I think I'll call it "The Cutting Board."
How do butts start a conversation?
"Let's cut to the chase!"