Cut jokes
Your buzz cut is so bad that the bees buzz around it!
Sometimes I wish my grass was depressed, then it would just cut itself.
Your hairline is like Justin Bieber’s buzz cut.
My friend: I want to cut myself.
Me: No, don’t do that. *hands lighter* Do this instead.
The Emo kid was late to his flight, so he needed to cut to the chase.
Memes
My therapist said, "Time heals all wounds," so I cut her.
Old McDonald cuts himself. E-m E-m-O!
Why do egos like robbing banks?
They get a cut.
Why did the skydiver bring a backup parachute?
In case the first one wanted to "cut ties" with them mid-air.
This is how animals were named.
"Bye Son." *cuts call*. What are we talking about?
"Bison. Perfect."
I should probably stop making emo jokes.
They just don't seem to cut it anymore.
Answering a knock at my door, I see a vacuum cleaner salesman who proceeds to tip a huge bucket of shit all over my carpet, before proclaiming any trace this hoover doesn't remove I will personally eat myself.
"Well, I hope you're hungry," I replied, "'cause they cut off my electric this morning!"
What do cutting boards and a suicidal teen's wrist have in common?
They both have cutting marks.
Your hairline is so far back your mom can't cut it.
How do u get a depressed person out of a tree?
You cut the rope they hung themself in...
I got so bad about cutting myself every time I went to the bathroom, I wanted to break my jacket zipper off and use that!
Why did the rapper become a barber?
To give everyone FRESH CUTS.
How do butts start a conversation?
"Let's cut to the chase!"
I'm gonna open up a bar for emos.
I think I'll call it "The Cutting Board."
Sat at a busy intersection with a slice of bread, waiting for a traffic jam.
Cut a hole in the rug so he could see a dirty floor show.
He took hay to bed to feed his nightmare.
Took a tape measure to bed to see how long he slept.
Put his nose out the window so the wind will blow it.
Died with his boots on because he didn't want to hurt his toes when he kicked the bucket.