Cut jokes
Butcher knives are great tools for cutting many things!
Fruit, vegetables, my arms.
When you say, "I wish I could cut off these bumps on my neck." (Your mom walking to you with a knife.)
Why is Dawayne so small? Because his parents cut him up into small slices!
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To cut through traffic.
Running out of time to cut the grass, may have to cut it short.
I wish the grass in my backyard was emo.
So it can cut itself.
Q: What is the most expensive haircut? A: Chemo therapy.
I've heard stories of my mother. She was a teenager and left me in the blender, but luckily the power cut out, like at the orphanage.
The Emo kid was late to his flight, so he needed to cut to the chase.
What did the orphan say to the barber?
I dunno, the orphanage doesn’t pay for haircuts.
MU, I love your joke, but I cut myself a piece of cake, pie, steak, cheesecake, and anything else I can find.
Answering a knock at my door, I see a vacuum cleaner salesman who proceeds to tip a huge bucket of shit all over my carpet, before proclaiming any trace this hoover doesn't remove I will personally eat myself.
"Well, I hope you're hungry," I replied, "'cause they cut off my electric this morning!"
What do cutting boards and a suicidal teen's wrist have in common?
They both have cutting marks.
Your hairline is so far back your mom can't cut it.
Why did the rapper become a barber?
To give everyone FRESH CUTS.
How do butts start a conversation?
"Let's cut to the chase!"
I'm gonna open up a bar for emos.
I think I'll call it "The Cutting Board."
I got so bad about cutting myself every time I went to the bathroom, I wanted to break my jacket zipper off and use that!
How do u get a depressed person out of a tree?
You cut the rope they hung themself in...
Sat at a busy intersection with a slice of bread, waiting for a traffic jam.
Cut a hole in the rug so he could see a dirty floor show.
He took hay to bed to feed his nightmare.
Took a tape measure to bed to see how long he slept.
Put his nose out the window so the wind will blow it.
Died with his boots on because he didn't want to hurt his toes when he kicked the bucket.