Scissors

Scissors Jokes

Hair

I wish my hair was depressed.

Cause then it would cut itself.

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  • Children

    Children should never run with scissors, and lesbians should never scissor with the runs.

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  • Car

    Little Johnny and little Sally walked in on Mommy and Daddy going at it in the bedroom doggy style. They innocently ask, "Mommy, Daddy what are you doing?"

    Mommy says, "Oh, Daddy is just parking his car in Mommy's garage, now go and play."

    A few minutes later they hear a blood curdling squeal and run to see what was the matter.

    Little Johnny is running in circles squealing and little Sally says, "Well little Johnny was trying to park his car in my garage and he couldn't get the back wheels in so I took the scissors and cut them off."

    Paper

    A cop pulled me over and shouted, "Papers!" I shouted, "Scissors!" and drove off.

    Orphanage

    You know those paper families you cut out?

    Well, I put one of those in an orphanage.

    Finger

    I got in trouble at school today because I played the knife game with a pair of scissors, but I couldn't flip them off because I was missing that finger.

    Grass

    How do you cut your grass without a lawn mower?

    You dye it blue and it will cut itself.

    Time

    Edward Scissorhands: Why is it that every time I touch someone, they get offended?

    Kids: Because you're a psycho path.