Scissors jokes
What’s worse than running with scissors?
Scissoring with the runs!
Every time my cousin and I, we settle it out with our game, so we play rock paper scissors. 😂🤣🤣
Sometimes I wish I could use my school scissors on my heart.
You know those paper families you cut out?
Well, I put one of those in an orphanage.
I saw an emo kid that got a haircut today. But instead of saying “Like ya cut, g” and slapping the neck, I slapped the wrist and said “Like ya cut’s g”.
Paper.
How do you cut your grass without a lawn mower?
You dye it blue and it will cut itself.
A kid and his dad went to the park. The kid accidentally steps on a cockroach.
They go home immediately and dad gets the scissors. Now the kid has some balls to play with.
What's the difference between me and a hairdresser? We both cut too much.
One day Billy, Bob, and Doo Da went fishing in a small boat. None of them could swim, and they had no life jackets.
Doo Da suddenly started yelling, "I got one boys!" as he started trying to reel the fish in. It was way too large for him to get onto the boat, and he fell into the water. The fish had a nice meal that night. Billy and Bob were in shock but knew they had to tell Mrs. Doo Da.
Upon arriving at her house, they did rock, paper, scissors on who had to tell her the news. Bob lost. He slowly rang the doorbell, and Mrs. Doo Da answered. "U-uhm.. we...Doo D-Da..f-fish..." Bob stuttered, then he screamed and ran off. Billy went to go retrieve his friend. Billy had a nice little talk with him and slapped him across the face to get him to just say what happened. Soon, the two men returned to Mrs. Doo Da's house and rang the doorbell again. She opened the door and looked at the two men and asked, "I've been trying to call Doo Da, and he hasn't answered, is he ok?" Bob took a deep breath and took a step forward with a smile on his face. He sang, "We went fishing, guess who died, Doo Da, Doo Da. He smiled and he said good bye, we mourn Doo Da today."
Do you want to hear a joke about paper?
Never mind, it's tear-able.
I bet emo girls get jealous when people cut paper.
I played Rock Paper Scissors with my friend Enyaw. I cba with jokes basically me and Enyaw always scissor.
You know what flowers and depressed people have in common?
Both end up getting cut.
Scissoring is nice when I grind my wee wee on my wife’s clit.
Humping that little guy is like riding a wet butt plug.
Why is it called scissoring and not lip-syncing?
Cut.
A cop pulled me over and shouted, "Papers!" I shouted, "Scissors!" and drove off.
Rock, paper, lesbians.
Why is it called scissoring and not lip-syncing?