30+ Scissors Jokes

I wish my hair was depressed.

Cause then it would cut itself.

Children should never run with scissors, and lesbians should never scissor with the runs.

Instead of Edward Scissorhands, I’m Edwardscissor wrists.

Little Johnny and little Sally walked in on Mommy and Daddy going at it in the bedroom doggy style. They innocently ask, "Mommy, Daddy what are you doing?"

Mommy says, "Oh, Daddy is just parking his car in Mommy's garage, now go and play."

A few minutes later they hear a blood curdling squeal and run to see what was the matter.

Little Johnny is running in circles squealing and little Sally says, "Well little Johnny was trying to park his car in my garage and he couldn't get the back wheels in so I took the scissors and cut them off."

A cop pulled me over and shouted, "Papers!" I shouted, "Scissors!" and drove off.

The image shows three pictures of Dwayne Johnson. In the first he has his fist clenched and is labeled "Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson", in the second he holds his hand out and is labeled "Dwayne 'The Paper' Johnson", and in the third he makes a peace sign with his fingers and is labeled "Dwayne 'The Scissors' Johnson."

what's flat and great for cutting? me.

You know what flowers and depressed people have in common?

Both end up getting cut.

Rock, paper, lesbians.

You know those paper families you cut out?

Well, I put one of those in an orphanage.

What's the difference between me and a hairdresser? We both cut too much.

Why are emos like paper?

They cut easily.

I played Rock Paper Scissors with my friend Enyaw. I cba with jokes basically me and Enyaw always scissor.

I bet emo girls get jealous when people cut paper.

I got in trouble at school today because I played the knife game with a pair of scissors, but I couldn't flip them off because I was missing that finger.