Cut

Cut jokes

Trump cut funding for Sesame Street.

I think he's jealous that the characters on Sesame Street can count to 10.

Inside a room full of squares, buckets, and tints, there are two inspectors. One is called Mr. Right, the other one is called Mr. Wrong. Because of their names, the first one is trusted more than the second one.

Mr. Wrong eventually got tired of that and worked on a plan for how more people could trust him. He took a jigsaw and he started to cut into his brain and sawed away half of his brain. It was still working.

Then he took a loaf of toast, cut it into half and glued it on his head, and then he made a strawberry cream and sprayed it on the toast. Because people couldn't recognize him as "Mr. Wrong," he was able to solve more cases.

This is how animals were named.

"Bye Son." *cuts call*. What are we talking about?

"Bison. Perfect."

I used to be emo, but I don't cut myself to solve my problems anymore.

I just drink a bunch of liquor like an adult.

Q. What's the difference between fucking a coma patient and fucking a cabbage?

A. You have to cut a hole in the cabbage.

What does the word circumcise mean?

Cut off a boy's or a man's dick, or cut off a girl's or a woman's foreskin.

Answering a knock at my door, I see a vacuum cleaner salesman who proceeds to tip a huge bucket of shit all over my carpet, before proclaiming any trace this hoover doesn't remove I will personally eat myself.

"Well, I hope you're hungry," I replied, "'cause they cut off my electric this morning!"

My best friend is transgender; she transitioned from a man into a woman. I think it's courageous of her to take a pay cut like that.

Why did the skydiver bring a backup parachute?

In case the first one wanted to "cut ties" with them mid-air.