"I can lose 10 ugly pounds anytime I want -- I'll just cut off my head!"
Do you use humor to make light of your emotional eating and your weight? Make jokes about overeating and being fat as a way of getting along with other people? I was a Grand Champion at it.
My grandma just died from cancer.
My last words to her were “I like your cut, G.”
Huggy Wuggy and Kissy Missy had a baby.
They never gave him a name, so they just played cut the rope with him...
I named my grass emo, and it cut itself.
Obi-Wan be like:
"To Darth Maul, lightsabers are blue, lightsabers are red. I cut you in half, why the fuck aren’t you dead?"
Um, I need help. How should I deal with depression?
Joke: I wish my grass was emo, so it would cut itself.
Do you wanna lose ten pounds of ugly fat? Cut off your head.
What happens when you fail to be an emo? You don't make the cut.
What's a depressed kid's least favorite game?
Cut the rope.
He got a paper cut and bled out.
What's the one game emos hate?
Cut the rope.
What did the chicken say when he saw a human running around uncontrollably?
"It's running around like a chicken with its head cut off!"
Someone cutting the cheese then farted.
Someone sees the cheese, and it smelled like crap (literally). He said, "Who cut the cheese?"
I tried to fight a razor. It cut me so deep I thought I would die.
Turns out he didn't kill me. I was never happy, but that shit made me angry.
When I nailed the quiz, my teacher wasn't very happy. I wasn't either with all those paper cuts.
Oof.
What ankle is getting cut off of school? The lights.
Hey, I asked for a paper, but I thought it was a cut, but it turns out it was tearable.
Why did the rapper become a barber?
Because they love CUTTING TRACKS!
"Dad, did you get a haircut?"
"No, I got them all cut!"
Sometimes I wish my grass was depressed, then it would just cut itself.
