Crime jokes

What do you call a low budget terrorist attack?

7/11

I went to kill Biden with poison water and mixed it with my finger, and then licked it. I passed out, and now I'm here.

Why don’t orphans understand the meaning of a family reunion?

Because they’re not wanted, yet maybe they should rob a 🏦 bank ;)

Why do I look nervous when I enter the church? Is it just because I'm the only one with the bomb?

Why do eight-year-old girls wear panties with flowers on?

In loving memory of all the faces that were buried in there.

A 9-year-old girl lies on a hospital bed struggling to breathe as she waits for the doctor to come.

The doctor finally comes, and the little girl can breathe much easier after he pulls his cock out of her mouth.

I murdered my friend's brother because he kept saying "HEE HEE" like Michael Jackson when I was trying to have a serious conversation. I just found out he was disabled. That's a THRILLER.

Michael has canceled his upcoming dates. They were Tommy, age 9, and Bobby, 11.

What's the difference between Jeffrey Dahmer and an Emo?

They're both gay and use knives.

I was raped by mimes once. They did unspeakable things to me.

I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire and called it "Hot Wheels."

Worst jokes ever? More like I killed an old man in 2012 in Oklahoma City at that nasty Red Lobster, not the one near the freeway, and hid the body in a creek!

Do you know the murderer, The murderer, the murderer, Do you know the murderer, Who lives on Dreary Lane?

Yes, I know the murderer, The muffin man, the murderer, Yes, I know the murderer, Who lives on Dreary Lane?

God, those orphans were putting up such a fight, I had to lock 'em in the basement.

When you are sleeping in class and the shooter sees you, then they wake you up and say, "Let’s team up," like, what the f*ck?

When the school shooter is about to leave the school, and then the autistic kid screams, "Hooray!"

A priest and Rabbi run out of the orphanage.

Priest: "How the hell did that fire start?"

Rabbi: "I don't know, but what about the children?"

Priest: "Fuck the children."

Rabbi: "Do we have time?"

Priest: "There's always time for something like that."

The coffee was getting mugged, so it called 911.

Yo mama so fat, she got arrested for carrying 100 pounds of crack.

What was the last thing to go through the terrorist's mind? The detonator.