Crime jokes

A 9-year-old girl lies on a hospital bed struggling to breathe as she waits for the doctor to come.

The doctor finally comes, and the little girl can breathe much easier after he pulls his cock out of her mouth.

God, those orphans were putting up such a fight, I had to lock 'em in the basement.

I murdered my friend's brother because he kept saying "HEE HEE" like Michael Jackson when I was trying to have a serious conversation. I just found out he was disabled. That's a THRILLER.

Why do I look nervous when I enter the church? Is it just because I'm the only one with the bomb?

My girlfriend said I was a ped0phi1e.

That's a big word for a 6 year old!

Michael has canceled his upcoming dates. They were Tommy, age 9, and Bobby, 11.

Why did John rape his mother? Because he wanted a brother to play Mario Kart with.

I was raped by mimes once. They did unspeakable things to me.

What's the difference between Jeffrey Dahmer and an Emo?

They're both gay and use knives.

Worst jokes ever? More like I killed an old man in 2012 in Oklahoma City at that nasty Red Lobster, not the one near the freeway, and hid the body in a creek!

I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire and called it "Hot Wheels."

A priest and Rabbi run out of the orphanage.

Priest: "How the hell did that fire start?"

Rabbi: "I don't know, but what about the children?"

Priest: "Fuck the children."

Rabbi: "Do we have time?"

Priest: "There's always time for something like that."

When you are sleeping in class and the shooter sees you, then they wake you up and say, "Let’s team up," like, what the f*ck?

What was the last thing to go through the terrorist's mind? The detonator.

My girlfriend called me a pedophile.

And I said, "That's a big word for a 5-year-old!"

What do 9/10 people enjoy?

Gang rape.

What does RIP stand for on Maddie's head stone?

Raped in Portugal!

What do you call a low budget terrorist attack?

7/11

I went to kill Biden with poison water and mixed it with my finger, and then licked it. I passed out, and now I'm here.

Why don’t orphans understand the meaning of a family reunion?

Because they’re not wanted, yet maybe they should rob a 🏦 bank ;)