Crime jokes

I was raped by mimes once. They did unspeakable things to me.

I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire and called it "Hot Wheels."

Worst jokes ever? More like I killed an old man in 2012 in Oklahoma City at that nasty Red Lobster, not the one near the freeway, and hid the body in a creek!

When you are sleeping in class and the shooter sees you, then they wake you up and say, "Let’s team up," like, what the f*ck?

A priest and Rabbi run out of the orphanage.

Priest: "How the hell did that fire start?"

Rabbi: "I don't know, but what about the children?"

Priest: "Fuck the children."

Rabbi: "Do we have time?"

Priest: "There's always time for something like that."

The coffee was getting mugged, so it called 911.

What did the cop say to the muslim breaking the law?

"That's against th-Allah (read like da-law)."

Yo mama so fat, she got arrested for carrying 100 pounds of crack.

What was the last thing to go through the terrorist's mind? The detonator.

Do you know the murderer, The murderer, the murderer, Do you know the murderer, Who lives on Dreary Lane?

Yes, I know the murderer, The muffin man, the murderer, Yes, I know the murderer, Who lives on Dreary Lane?

What do 9/10 people enjoy?

Gang rape.

About to go on a date.

But she was late.

So I got some tape.

And eventually punished her with rape.

Why do pedos like to lose races? Because they like to cum on a little behind.

A teacher is teaching a class algebra. Timmy, you've worked out it is AK, but what is 59 minus 12? Timmy shakes his head, not knowing. The teacher asks, "How about AK 49 minus 2?" Timmy replies with um... The teacher becomes frustrated and yells, "What comes after AK, Timmy!?" The white kid at the back stands, shouts 47, and pulls the trigger.

I love me a nice tight pussy. That's why I'm in big trouble with RSPCA.

OK, there are at least 3 pedophiles in your neighborhood.

But there are no pedophiles in my neighborhood; there are only three 10-year-old girls with juicy asses.

How does a paedophile know if he's good at sex?

It'll forever be a mystery because the victims [are] too young to scream his name.

Rape victims suck, literally.

How do you make an eight-year-old girl cry twice?

Wipe your bloody cock off on her favorite teddy bear after you’ve raped her.

A man is being sued for raping a deaf girl. The judge, showing his pinky:

"You should be ashamed, man, your conscience is even smaller than that!"

The girl, showing her arm:

"Mhhhmmhmm, mhhmhm!"