Crime Jokes

What's red and got makeup all over?

A Bill Cosby victim.

Teacher said, "You never do your homework," so I shot her 7 times with a M1 BushDid911 and replied, "It's all in my backpack, can you grade it please?"

What's young, red, and has hot PTSD?

Prince Andrew's victims.

Why don't pirates take a bath before walking the plank?

'Cause they just wash up onshore.

I asked a man if I was the fastest gun in the west. He said my 17 wasn't good enough. After that, a lot of lead went into his head.

Two pictures side by side. The picture on the left is a policeman in uniform. The picture on the right is a man looking at the camera. The text in the image says: This is Heartwarming. This police officer was called to a grocery store in response to this man stealing food to feed his family. Instead of arresting the man, the police officer shot him 38 times.

Jim was caught beating a man up. Brooklyn took a picture of his license plate with her phone and told him, "Your life is ruined!" So Jim took a picture of her, and the next thing you know, he said, "Now my phone is ruined!"

Why do orphans play GTA?

Because they like to feel wanted!

What's the difference between the woods and a hooker?

Some hookers have passions for nature. Other hookers will Kill ThEIR Tricks for payback!!!!!!

I've been looking for my parents for years. For the life of me, I can't remember where I buried them.

Orphans can be a robber if they want because their parents won't be disappointed.

What do you call a gay drive-by?

A fruit roll-up.

Why do most orphans become criminals?

Then finally they know what it’s like to be wanted.

I saw an ad that said, "By the time this ad is over, two identities would have been stolen." So, I did what I had to do and skipped the ad! You're welcome to the two people's identities I saved!