Crime jokes
A priest and Rabbi run out of the orphanage.
Priest: "How the hell did that fire start?"
Rabbi: "I don't know, but what about the children?"
Priest: "Fuck the children."
Rabbi: "Do we have time?"
Priest: "There's always time for something like that."
When you are sleeping in class and the shooter sees you, then they wake you up and say, "Let’s team up," like, what the f*ck?
When the school shooter is about to leave the school, and then the autistic kid screams, "Hooray!"
Yo mama so fat, she got arrested for carrying 100 pounds of crack.
The coffee was getting mugged, so it called 911.
What was the last thing to go through the terrorist's mind? The detonator.
I went to kill Biden with poison water and mixed it with my finger, and then licked it. I passed out, and now I'm here.
A teacher is teaching a class algebra. Timmy, you've worked out it is AK, but what is 59 minus 12? Timmy shakes his head, not knowing. The teacher asks, "How about AK 49 minus 2?" Timmy replies with um... The teacher becomes frustrated and yells, "What comes after AK, Timmy!?" The white kid at the back stands, shouts 47, and pulls the trigger.
What’s the best part of violently raping a sexy 10-year-old girl? Killing the little bitch afterwards.
How do you make an eight-year-old girl cry twice?
Wipe your bloody cock off on her favorite teddy bear after you’ve raped her.
A man is being sued for raping a deaf girl. The judge, showing his pinky:
"You should be ashamed, man, your conscience is even smaller than that!"
The girl, showing her arm:
"Mhhhmmhmm, mhhmhm!"
What’s harder than steel?
Michael Jackson in a playground.
What do a bullet and a police officer have in common?
When a bullet kills someone, it gets fired.
Friend: Why did you touch me?
Me: That guy in the corner with no hair, glasses, really nice, white button up shirt, that drives a white van slow by school zones told me to and he would give me hard candy.
What does a paedophile say when he gets to heaven?
A: Where's the holy baby?
Why do women buy clothes from the kids section? Because rapists prey on the weak.
Why was the Tower of Pisa leaning? Because it wanted to look up a 10 year old girl’s skirt.
(To a thief) If you like taking things, how about you take my life?
You know why pedophiles get away with molesting children?
Because who are they gonna tell? Not their parents.
I have double standards: burn a body at a crematorium and you're being a respectful friend; do it at home and you're destroying evidence.