Crime jokes
What happens when you hear about Mary Brittain beating a Thomas?
You cook spaghetti with his blood!
What's a crazy man's favorite phrase when he has a knife?
"Freak out!"
Why was six afraid of seven?
Seven was a registered six offender.
Why do orphans like to play GTA?
To be wanted.
What is an orphan's dream?
To get on top of the wanted list! 🤣
I was digging and found some gold. I was going to tell my mom, then I remembered why I was digging.
My grandpa has the heart of a lion,
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
Why do school shooters have the best shots?
They train at the best schools. 🤣🤣🧇🤣🤣😂😂😂😂😂😂
Why did the painting go to jail? Because it was framed!
You have been accused of stealing toilet rolls. How do you plead?
Guilty or not guilty?
Why did the robber take a shower before his robbery?
So he could make a clean getaway!
What do you call a short fortune-teller that escaped from jail?
A small medium at large.
"Abracadabra! Alacuzam! See that woman? She’s now a man."
"After the man got some sun, I turned this banana into a gun! Now look! I now have your phone, Apple Watch, and your credit card!"
Get shanked with a lamb shank with a stinky pampa in the tolpan.
What's a similarity between Harvey Weinstein's pants and American bombs?
They both drop unannounced and leave mass casualties.
What's the difference between a pizza and a guy you really hate?
One won't scream when you remove their meat.
So I walk into Orchids Of Asia. I come out three minutes later with the best massage of my life. What's the catch? Aye, there, matey, the catch of the day be crabs.
My brothers kept annoying me.
I told them I would disembowel them if they kept it up.
It was an empty threat—right after I was done.
A man walks into a bar. The corrections officer says, "Usually we open the cell before you go in, now stop bleeding on my floor!"
What's worse than 5 babies in a dumpster?
5 dumpsters in a baby.