Crime jokes

What would Bill Cosby be if he was white?

Innocent.

I wanted to tell a joke about Jonestown.

But the punch line is too long.

My friends in my friend group say that I am quiet and I don't do anything bad. I proved them wrong by murdering the leader of it.

I just prevented a 10-year-old from getting assaulted.

Nothing much, I just decided to go home.

What do you call an autistic kid in a school shooting?

Target practice.

What is the difference between Nicole Brown Simpson and cancer?

OJ couldn’t kill cancer.

What’s something Bill Cosby and Freddy Krueger have in common?

Once you fall asleep, you’re fucked.

What is the difference between Bill Cosby and a rap artist?

The word "art."

What do you call it when Panera Bread commits genocide?

Panera bloodshed.

I went fishing with my grandpa, and my fishing line caught the attention of a school of fish. I told him to get my gun.

A black man said, "Where are the young ones?"

Police officers hope you’re a criminal.

Doctors hope you get sick.

Mechanics hope you get car troubles.

But only thieves wish you prosperity.

Weird?

What did the man who had sex with an Instagram model in the reverse cowgirl position while going 90 on the freeway get charged for?

Driving under the influencer.

I taped a picture of Bill Cosby to my gun, now it's an assault rifle.

Why the hell would I go to a shooting range when I could go to school and do it for free?

My son told me he wanted to be Batman when he grows up. That little shit wants to be gunned down in an alley.

I just prevented an 11-year-old from getting assaulted.

I decided to go home.

Q. What happens when a pedophile spills his coffee? A. It leaves an EP-stain.

Q: What's a pedophile's favorite type of candy?

A: Loli-pops.

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are robbing a bank. The police are soon after them, so they hide in a bunch of barrels.

The police arrive and search the area. They come over to the barrel where the brunette is hiding and kicks it. The brunette says, "Woof."

"Oh, it's just a dog," says the police officer, and then kicks the second barrel where the redhead is hidden. The redhead says, "Meow."

"Oh, it's just a cat," says the officer, then kicks the last barrel where the blonde is hidden. The blonde says, "Potato."

High school crush: Why do you always look so sad?

Me: My mom is dead, and my favorite grandma, and my uncle killed both of them, and now he's in jail.

High school crush: Shit. Sorry about that.

Me: And my crush hasn't asked me out.

High school crush: Who is it?

Me: You.

Him: Goodbye (as he runs away and never comes back)

Me: Fuck that.