Crime jokes
These jokes are so dark they almost stole my bike.
My son told me he wanted to be Batman when he grows up. That little shit wants to be gunned down in an alley.
Leo: Mom?
Mom: Yes!
Leo: Is rape good?
Mom: NO!
Leo: Good cause I raped someone!
Mom: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What do you call a child predator and an illegal immigrant? Alien vs. Predator.
Do you know why I hate pedophiles? They are fucking immature kids!
My dad came over late at night. He was drunk. He started telling me how useless I was. Then I went to the kitchen, grabbed a knife, and stabbed him in the chest 47 times.
Three minutes later, he died. Now I’m losing my mind and cutting myself.
Did you hear about the cheetah who robbed a bank? He ran away so fast he almost got away with it, but he was spotted.
What do you call a tall terrorist? Labomb James.
Two pedos are on the beach.
One pedo said, "Hey, get out of my son!"
[being buried alive]
Murderer: *out of breath* How are you eating the dirt so quickly?
OK, there are at least 3 pedophiles in your neighborhood.
But there are no pedophiles in my neighborhood; there are only three 10-year-old girls with juicy asses.
What happens to chickens that get kidnapped by rapists?
They get choked.
I was making a coffee for my boss and this was the supposed recipe:
1 egg 1 tomato diced bell peppers a bag of sugar sea salt coffee beans rusted nails.
I got fired and spent the next 20 years in prison with a dude named Papa Bear.
What do you call an IT teacher that touches his students?
A PDF file.
What does a terrorist do when they see a twin?
They fly a plane at them.
Why did the gay man get raped?
He assed for it.
Not everyone is perfect. Just take Charles Manson, for example.
Yo mama so fat, she was pulled over... FOR HAVING 12 POUNDS OF CRACK ON HER!
The woman was thinking she wanted to have sex, but one second later, she did it on the street with a criminal.
One day, a snail got robbed by two turtles.
The cops arrived and arrested the woman for killing her cheating husband, and the son was sent to child services. (Moral - no one cares about the frkn snail and turtles!)