Crime jokes

What would Bill Cosby be if he was white?

Innocent.

I wanted to tell a joke about Jonestown.

But the punch line is too long.

What is the difference between Bill Cosby and a rap artist?

The word "art."

Why the hell would I go to a shooting range when I could go to school and do it for free?

How does the cop respond to being called racist?

He said, "How can I be racist? My wife's eyes [are] black."

My son told me he wanted to be Batman when he grows up. That little shit wants to be gunned down in an alley.

I just prevented an 11-year-old from getting assaulted.

I decided to go home.

A pedophile and a priest run a race.

You can’t beat yourself in a race!

Not a joke: one of George Floyd's criminal friends shot his grand-niece as they wanted a piece of the 27 million dollars.

Jimmy Savile should have presented Pop off the Tops instead of Top of the Pops.

Q: What's a pedophile's favorite type of candy?

A: Loli-pops.

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are robbing a bank. The police are soon after them, so they hide in a bunch of barrels.

The police arrive and search the area. They come over to the barrel where the brunette is hiding and kicks it. The brunette says, "Woof."

"Oh, it's just a dog," says the police officer, and then kicks the second barrel where the redhead is hidden. The redhead says, "Meow."

"Oh, it's just a cat," says the officer, then kicks the last barrel where the blonde is hidden. The blonde says, "Potato."

High school crush: Why do you always look so sad?

Me: My mom is dead, and my favorite grandma, and my uncle killed both of them, and now he's in jail.

High school crush: Shit. Sorry about that.

Me: And my crush hasn't asked me out.

High school crush: Who is it?

Me: You.

Him: Goodbye (as he runs away and never comes back)

Me: Fuck that.

Rape jokes are not funny.

Look at my name by the way😁.

What’s the hardest part about f...ing toddlers?

My boner.

You know you have a domestic abuse problem when you beat your dick.

A guy gives labor to a baby girl and a boy twins. The doctor said but the lady was like,

"Ugh, why do I need my husband to be in labor and I want a girl, not a boy, just a girl!"

The lady passed out 😵 and then found out she was in a coma. The man who was in labor died. The two babies got a nanny, an evil one. The nanny killed the babies on their first birthday.

A man goes to a motel room and sees a woman tied up and she said, "Help me please!" He had to do some forceful thinking.

Kid's uncle: "Your mum said you can have your friends round tonight! But I'm gonna have to baby sit today."

Kid: "OK THANK YOU."

(AT BED TIME)

Kid: "Please may you stop touching my leg BEN!"

Ben: "I'm not."

(Turns light on) Kid: "UNCLEEEEE STOP SPILLING MILK OVER ME!!!"

What's the difference between a pizza & a person?

A pizza doesn't scream when I try to shove it into an oven...