Crime Jokes

Sending gay men to prison makes no sense to me. I mean, you have sex with a man and then they lock you up with a bunch of other men.

That would be like arresting someone for drunk driving and forcing them to become a bartender.

How did people know the 9/11 victims had a lot of dandruff?

Their head and shoulders were all over New York City!

An assassin is about to shoot his target, "I'm about to give you the JFK experience."

How do you get a nun pregnant?

Fuck 'em.

What's the difference between a brand new Oldsmobile and a brand new Raping?

...Rape.

The image is a two-panel meme featuring a pink pig character with a friendly expression in the top panel, saying, "hey folks Viewer Mail Time Again!" In the bottom panel, the same pig is holding a package. Text overlaid on the image reads, "This one comes from Theodore J. Kaczynski."

What did the teacher say when he raped his naughty student?

"Face the wall!"

How do you make an eight-year-old girl cry twice?

Wipe your bloody cock off on her favorite teddy bear after you’ve raped her.

Why did the rape victim stop eating pears?

Because she was told that if you rearrange the letters "PEAR," it spells "rape."

What do a bullet and a police officer have in common?

When a bullet kills someone, it gets fired.

How does a paedophile know if he's good at sex?

It'll forever be a mystery because the victims [are] too young to scream his name.

The inmates are yelling 12...12...12... in the courtyard.

A man walking by is interested why the keep chanting 12...12...12... so he sticks his head through the fence and the inmate poked the man in the eye.

Moment later they start chanting 13...13...13...

What’s harder than steel?

Michael Jackson in a playground.

VOTING QUARTERFINAL 3: LIKE: When the school shooter throws a smoke grenade into the classroom and the autistic kid thinks it’s a Disco party. 🕺🕺🕺

DISLIKE: When the school shooter gets killed and everyone is cheering but you walk toward his gun; “I will finish what you started.”

Vote for the better joke.

A drunk walks out of a bar late at night and sees a nun walking past on the footpath. He utters something hateful to himself as he begins running, building momentum before launching himself at the nun, catching her with a massive superman punch to the back of the head, knocking her tumbling brutally to the pavement.

He proceeded with a swift kicking to the nun's ribs and spine before grabbing the nun by the scruff of her habit and lifting her limp to her feet till face to face. Looking the nun dead in her eyes with menace, the drunk victoriously growled, "You're not so bloody tough tonight, are ya, Batman?"