Crime jokes

When I was very young...

My classmates played a game called kiss chase. Some were really good at catching the girls and then kissing them.

They are rapists now.

What do you call a butt that kills people?

An ASSassin :)

What kind of file turns a 5mm hole into a 3cm hole?

A pedo-file.

My dad died, so I dug his grave. I was asked why I murdered him. I answered, "Guess we'll never know who did it because he dug his own grave." My father was William Afton.

How do you know you’ve been robbed by an Asian?

The house is clean, the homework is done, but the idiot is having trouble backing out of the driveway.

What's the most between my uncle and aunt?

My aunt waited until I was 14 to come on my face.

I hate these double standards.

Burn a body at a crematorium and you're doing a good thing, burn a body at home and you're destroying evidence.

A pedo is driving down a highway really slowly and gets stopped by the police. The officer asks why he was driving so slowly. The man answers, "I don't wake up the kids."

When is a rape victim right?

When she admits she lied.

She said no, so I raped her.

Imagine this... you're a lesbian, and you're doing it with your cannibal girlfriend. You say, "Eat me, baby!"

She pulls out a knife and fork.

What do 9/10 people enjoy?

Gang rape.

God, those orphans were putting up such a fight, I had to lock 'em in the basement.

Why do eight-year-old girls wear panties with flowers on?

In loving memory of all the faces that were buried in there.

A 9-year-old girl lies on a hospital bed struggling to breathe as she waits for the doctor to come.

The doctor finally comes, and the little girl can breathe much easier after he pulls his cock out of her mouth.

Worst jokes ever? More like I killed an old man in 2012 in Oklahoma City at that nasty Red Lobster, not the one near the freeway, and hid the body in a creek!

I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire and called it "Hot Wheels."

I was raped by mimes once. They did unspeakable things to me.

What's the difference between Jeffrey Dahmer and an Emo?

They're both gay and use knives.

I murdered my friend's brother because he kept saying "HEE HEE" like Michael Jackson when I was trying to have a serious conversation. I just found out he was disabled. That's a THRILLER.