Crime jokes
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, because they beat the room for being dark, then arrest the room for being broke.
What does a sex offender and Santa have in common?
They will come down your "chimney" tonight.
What has 2 legs and loves to play with little kids? The local priest.
What does an armed bank robbery and Michael Jackson have in common?
Someone gets hurt.
When the teacher gives me an F on my exam,
but I have an AK-47 in my backpack.
*Is honestly the best policy.*
Q: What did the terrorist say during a plane flight? A: “Wow! This flight is the bomb!”
Did you hear about the cat jail break out? It was a cat-tastrophe.
What song did Michael Jackson come up with after his first sleepover with the kid?
"Just Beat It."
What's Michael Jackson's favorite toy?
Wet 6-year-old balls.
Person 1: How many people has Michael Jackson fingered?
Person 2: Dunno, what’s the minor population?
What does a cannibal call a pregnant woman?
A kinder surprise.
How did the lesbian die? Homicide.
I was digging a hole in my garden, then I found a treasure chest. I was so happy. I went to tell my wife, but then I remembered why I was digging a hole.
A priest asks a convicted murderer on the electric chair, "Do you have any last request?"
"Yes," said the murderer, "Will you hold my hand?"
New skin unlocked: Blood splatter!
(Obtained by running over 69 children.)
In a game, there are crew members that have to keep the ship running. But little did they know, there was an imposter among them.
Sound familiar? 🤔
Well, in September 11th...
I wasn’t planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere!
Why do orphans commit crimes?
It’s the only time they’re ever wanted.
How do people grade pedophiles?
1st grade to 8th grade.
(I know it's orphan jokes but still)
They say there's a person capable of murder in every friend group.
I suspected that it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.