Crime jokes
What did the Japanese man say to his friend after he killed somebody?
"That is very Wong."
What does a cop say when they shoot ginger?
"Orange is the new black."
Two whores are watching the sun come up, splitting a bottle of Mad Dog and celebrating another night of servicing the general public. One asks the other: "Say. You ever been picked up by the fuzz?"
Her friend thinks it over, "No...but I have been swung around by the tits a few times!"
I'm required by law to tell you I am a registered sex offender.
People should've recognized that Jared Fogle was a sick offender by one coded Subway sandwich; he normally claimed to kids he ate the sweet onion chicken teriyaki when it was the tuna sub.
Tuna sub was the message of the target to the kid since "tuna sub" put together makes "tunasub" and the truth comes when you spell it in reverse ("busanut")!
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, because they beat the room for being dark, then arrest the room for being broke.
Q: What's the difference between me and a priest? A: A priest isn't turned on by dead children.
What's the worst thing to hear in a prison shower?
"Drop the soap, we've got you surrounded."
What does a sex offender and Santa have in common?
They will come down your "chimney" tonight.
When the teacher gives me an F on my exam,
but I have an AK-47 in my backpack.
*Is honestly the best policy.*
What song did Michael Jackson come up with after his first sleepover with the kid?
"Just Beat It."
What do you get when you cross a pedophile and an elementary school? Predator 3.
Someone threw a cup at my eye. I told 911 that I was mugged.
Knowing how to pick locks has really opened a lot of doors for me.
Why did the orphan rob the bank?
Because he/she wanted to be wanted!
New skin unlocked: Blood splatter!
(Obtained by running over 69 children.)
They say there's a person capable of murder in every friend group.
I suspected that it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.
Person 1: How many people has Michael Jackson fingered?
Person 2: Dunno, what’s the minor population?
How did the lesbian die? Homicide.
I was digging a hole in my garden, then I found a treasure chest. I was so happy. I went to tell my wife, but then I remembered why I was digging a hole.