Crime jokes
I'm required by law to tell you I am a registered sex offender.
People should've recognized that Jared Fogle was a sick offender by one coded Subway sandwich; he normally claimed to kids he ate the sweet onion chicken teriyaki when it was the tuna sub.
Tuna sub was the message of the target to the kid since "tuna sub" put together makes "tunasub" and the truth comes when you spell it in reverse ("busanut")!
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, because they beat the room for being dark, then arrest the room for being broke.
Q: What's the difference between me and a priest? A: A priest isn't turned on by dead children.
New skin unlocked: Blood splatter!
(Obtained by running over 69 children.)
Why did the orphan rob the bank?
Because he/she wanted to be wanted!
What's the scariest thing about white people in prison?
How rare they are.
What does a cannibal call a pregnant woman?
A kinder surprise.
What does an armed bank robbery and Michael Jackson have in common?
Someone gets hurt.
Person 1: How many people has Michael Jackson fingered?
Person 2: Dunno, what’s the minor population?
How did the lesbian die? Homicide.
I was digging a hole in my garden, then I found a treasure chest. I was so happy. I went to tell my wife, but then I remembered why I was digging a hole.
What's Michael Jackson's favorite toy?
Wet 6-year-old balls.
I wasn’t planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere!
In a game, there are crew members that have to keep the ship running. But little did they know, there was an imposter among them.
Sound familiar? 🤔
Well, in September 11th...
What's pink and fluffy? Pink fluff.
What's pink and rusty? Madeline McCann's bike.
How do people grade pedophiles?
1st grade to 8th grade.
(I know it's orphan jokes but still)
Why do orphans commit crimes?
It’s the only time they’re ever wanted.
Why do orphans become criminals when they grow up? Because they want to be wanted.
They say there's a person capable of murder in every friend group.
I suspected that it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.