Crime jokes
Me: Hi Jacob!
Jacob: Hi.
Me: Your parents went to jail for littering when you were born!
Jacob: GOO GOO GAH GAH
Two whores are watching the sun come up, splitting a bottle of Mad Dog and celebrating another night of servicing the general public. One asks the other: "Say. You ever been picked up by the fuzz?"
Her friend thinks it over, "No...but I have been swung around by the tits a few times!"
I'm required by law to tell you I am a registered sex offender.
People should've recognized that Jared Fogle was a sick offender by one coded Subway sandwich; he normally claimed to kids he ate the sweet onion chicken teriyaki when it was the tuna sub.
Tuna sub was the message of the target to the kid since "tuna sub" put together makes "tunasub" and the truth comes when you spell it in reverse ("busanut")!
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, because they beat the room for being dark, then arrest the room for being broke.
Q: What's the difference between me and a priest? A: A priest isn't turned on by dead children.
When the teacher gives me an F on my exam,
but I have an AK-47 in my backpack.
*Is honestly the best policy.*
What's the hardest part of being a pedophile?
Fitting in.
What does a sex offender and Santa have in common?
They will come down your "chimney" tonight.
What's the worst thing to hear in a prison shower?
"Drop the soap, we've got you surrounded."
What song did Michael Jackson come up with after his first sleepover with the kid?
"Just Beat It."
Did you hear about the cat jail break out? It was a cat-tastrophe.
How did the lesbian die? Homicide.
I was digging a hole in my garden, then I found a treasure chest. I was so happy. I went to tell my wife, but then I remembered why I was digging a hole.
What's Michael Jackson's favorite toy?
Wet 6-year-old balls.
Q: What did the terrorist say during a plane flight? A: “Wow! This flight is the bomb!”
Person 1: How many people has Michael Jackson fingered?
Person 2: Dunno, what’s the minor population?
What does a cannibal call a pregnant woman?
A kinder surprise.
What does an armed bank robbery and Michael Jackson have in common?
Someone gets hurt.
New skin unlocked: Blood splatter!
(Obtained by running over 69 children.)