Crime jokes
I lost my dog. I probably shouldn't have named him "rape."
What is Bill Cosby's favorite poem? Roses are red, my cum is blue, I'll wait till your asleep to rape you.
If I ever find the doctor who screwed up my limb replacement surgery... I’ll kill him with my bear hands.
What does a cop say when you shoot a ginger?
I guess orange is the new black.
An orphanage got robbed yesterday. Let's just say that's the second worst thing to happen to those orphans. At least they didn't end up like their parents.
What’s the difference between a robber and an orphan?
One is wanted.
Jake grabbed Lina's thigh and said, "Why don't we have sex? I really wanna see your boobs. I bet they're hot." "Yeah, they are." She took her clothes off and he saw her body. "OMG GODDESS OF BOOBS, PUSSYS AND BUTT LETS HAVE SEX LOOK AT MY..." HE WOKE UP THEN CRIED AND KISSED HIS SISTER'S BUTT. SHE SMACKED HIM THEN HE TOOK HER TO HIS BASEMENT AND KILLED HER FROM SEX.
How can you be friends with a pedophile that's a musician?
B minor.
Why do more men than women support abortion? So they can keep raping women and the victims will just abort their kids to not have to relive the experience!
Do you know the best thing about killing a hooker?
Not only do you get your money back, but the second hour is free.
What's a paedophile's favorite footwear?
White Vans.
So I was sitting on the couch with a woman, and I asked her, "Does this napkin smell like chloroform?"
I bought a gun from Walmart today. I guess they knew what I was going to do with it, because when I pulled the gun on the cashier, I realized the firing mechanism was in reverse.
Why did the police go to a baseball game?
Because a player stole the base.
I'm so poor that I had to rob a food bank for a loaf of bread.
Brian was shopping at a mall. He hopped onto an escalator. Next to him were two people having an argument. Eventually, one of them pulled out a pocket knife threatening to stab the other. Brian murmured "Well, that escalated quickly..."
Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff?
Tequila.
The kid with a gun walked into my classroom and fucking shot the teacher.
He pointed the gun at me and asked, "What's 2+2?" I answer him and he writes the answer down on his test. He did this with every kid. He got a 100%, expelled, and a lifetime in prison. Hey, at least he gets free food.
Why did Jeffrey eat all the ice cream in one sitting?
To make room in the freezer for his special meat.
Man: *steals drink*
Boy: bro😭😭
Man: Why are u crying over a drink?
Boy: That had drugs.
Man: ....