Crime jokes

What’s the hardest thing about being a rapist? Fitting in.

Why did the orphan commit mass murder?

To be on top of the wanted list.

I snorted a line of coke off my 8-year-old sister’s tiny prepubescent vag. She just laid there and let me do it without complaining, probably because she was already dead.

What happened to the terrorist who tried to blow up a bus?

He burnt himself on the exhaust pipe.

When I was very young...

My classmates played a game called kiss chase. Some were really good at catching the girls and then kissing them.

They are rapists now.

So today I heard a friend say she had a stalker. I can confirm I've never seen a stalker following her.

Why is it inappropriate when guys say their girlfriends are their “Partners in Crime”?

Like we get it, bro, she’s underage.

I am crying tears of joy rn. I was wrongfully sentenced to death. They took me to prison to wait for my execution, but when I got there, they said that I was free. I asked them why and they told me that a man named Penaldo had taken my death penalty for me. Thank you, Penaldo!

Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven was a registered six offender.

Where's the best place to hide a body? In the second page of Google search results.

Schools in the hood are kind of the same thing. I always seem to get shot.

VOTING QUARTERFINAL 2: LIKE: When the school shooter knocks on the classroom door and the autistic kid opens it.

DISLIKE: When the school shooter is gonna clap the football team, but his AK jams: “Take it easy guys, I was just joking!”

Vote for the better joke.

What’s the difference between a thief and a pervert?

One will snatch your watch, the other will watch your snatch.

Came across the headline this morning whilst reading the paper...

"Woman beats off Rapist in carpark!"

I suppose that was a fair compromise!

Two priests are pulled over by the police. One priest asks the cop what the reason for pulling them over is. The cop says, "We are looking for two child molesters." The priest look at each other and tell the cop they'll do it.

Damn, the terrorists from CS:GO really do be learning to fly.

Did you hear on the news that a midget psychic broke out of jail?

There is a small medium at large.

What did the pedophile say to the nutcracker?

"Aren't you a little too young to be doing that?"

They can't say no if they're unconscious.

Why did the rapper go to school?

To improve his rap sheet!