Why are skeletons so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin.
Why did Helen Keller wear skin tight pants?
So you could read her lips.
Did you know that towels are the leading cause of dry skin?
What do you call a weak, beta, tall and dumb kid? A banana.
But if you're vegan, you call him food.
If you're poor, you eat the skin.
ok this isn't a joke but it's funny.
Roses are red, nuts are brown, Skirts go up, pants go down. Body to body, skin to skin, when it's stiff, stick it in. It goes in dry, comes out wet, the longer it's in, the stronger it gets. It comes out dripping and starts to sag, It's not what you think, it's a lipton tea bag.
Get your mind out of the gutter.
You know what really gets me under my skin when I'm down? Sharpener blades.
My wrists have a different texture pack than the rest of me.
Donald Trump is proud of being white, which is strange, considering he's orange. Makes you wonder why he didn't pull a Michael Jackson and bleach his own skin....
Wacko Jacko bleached his skin, lit his head on fire, slept in a chamber, abused his pet monkey, built an amusement park in his own backyard, had toys as decor for his home, slept with little boys, raped little boys. Jacko was Florida Man before Florida Man.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and acne? Acne doesn't come on a 5-year-old's face.
My arms are just a different texture pack compared to my body.
Why do self-harmers "draw" on their arms?
Because everything they do is in vein.
Punchline: "Vain" sounds similar to "Vein".
The people in Florida yelling "White Power!" is amusing, because when they get permanent sunburn from the Florida sun, they are not white anymore.
Why can Michael Jackson not play chess? Because he can't pick which side he is on, the white or black side.
After long consideration, I've decided to get a zebra tattoo on my wrist. Not like anyone will notice the difference.
If you wanna really know how to get under my skin, give me a razor and maybe we'll talk ;)
I was going on a date when I decided to put on Penaldo’s PR7 cologne to smell good. As I put on the cologne, my skin started to turn invisible!
I then realized the cologne had made me turn into a ghost 👻. Shame on you, Penaldo, for ruining my date 😡!
My thighs have a different texture pack than the rest of me.
I now know what my first tattoo should be, zebra stripes! Not like anyone would know the difference between them.
Serial murderer Ed Gein was famed for raping, killing, and skinning his victims.
When he was asked why he did it, he responded, "You don't know someone until you walk around in their skin."
