Crime jokes
Why don’t pirates take a shower before they walk the plank?
They just wash up on shore.
Why do I look nervous when I enter the church? Is it just because I'm the only one with the bomb?
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Jeffrey Epstein?
Only difference between Michael and Jeffrey is Epstein wasn't a smooth criminal, and Michael was.
I stopped a terrorist from killing 100 people on a plane using self-control.
Q: What's a pedophile's favorite type of candy?
A: Loli-pops.
Kobe would still be alive if he would have gone to jail for raping that girl.
Why do I call my priest daddy?
Because he raped my mom when she was 13. She's 27 now.
Q: How many dead babies does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: I don't know, there are twenty in my basement, and my basement light still isn't fixed.
My doctor said I only have 1 year to live, so I killed him. Got sentenced to life in prison, problem solved!
Why did the chiropractor go to jail? For not paying $75 in back taxes.
I had sex with twins. Well, I think it was twins. All my rage victims look alike.
What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife?
A heartless killer.
First of all, if a woman sues Bill Cosby for drugging and rape 50 years ago, and she could still remember it, it couldn't have been all bad.
My brother likes his Vegemite so black, it stole our car.
The police department made a new machine that will teleport you back to prison if you commit a crime. The police release 4 criminals: a hacker, a rapist, a serial killer, and a drug lord. The hacker tries to hack a bank. The hacker gets teleported back to prison. The drug lord tries to cook meth. The drug lord gets teleported back to prison. Now the serial killer decides that she wants to change, but when she sees a knife she just can’t help it. She bends down to pick up the knife and the rapist gets teleported back to prison.
I only kidnapped orphans because they have no parents to report them missing.
It's not easy to make good pedophilia jokes, because it's a very touchy subject.
Who wants to see me rape a toddler?
Sonic says... April 1st is the best day to do a school shooting. They will think it’s a joke! 😃
Q: What do pedophiles use for allergic reactions?
A: An Epstein pen.