Crime jokes
99% of women kiss with their eyes closed, that's why it's so hard to identify the rapist.
What can you say to make a rape victim feel better?
"It will be over soon."
Is it sexual harassment if a midget walks by you and tells you that your hair smells nice?
What do you call a white kid looking at infants?
Pedophilia boy.
90 percent of women kiss with their eyes closed, which is why it's so difficult to identify a rapist.
What do you call a psychic midget who has escaped from prison?
A small medium at large!
A man was walking down the street with a swivel chair under one arm, a computer under the other, and a desk strapped to his back.
A policeman ran over to him and handcuffed him, saying, "I'm arresting you for impersonating an office, sir!"
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 was a registered *sex* offender.
I play saxophone, and I like to tell everyone I am a registered s/o (short for saxophone operator) in hopes of one day starting a jazz band, but now everyone looks at me weird, and when I go to house parties to perform, everyone hides their children, but little do they know I LOVE children. For some reason, I got multiple restraining orders because I said, “I want to touch the kids so they can one day become musicians themselves... like Michael Jackson.” I have then since moved from my hometown to Florida, where I can meet up with other s/o’s, and surprisingly, they have similar stories to me, but they say they have never even touched a saxophone, but they do like touching kids, which I’m all down for, just me and my buddies showing the new youth their abilities.
Update: i figured out what they meant by s/o is not the same as my s/o :(
When the school shooter shoots the autistic kid and he thinks he's having an orgasm.
When I saw a dead body on the ground and my editor was filming, I told him to censor that a-hole. When I saw the completed product, he censored me. Then I killed him.
I like my wine like my women:
16 and in my basement.
What did the cannibal say to the other?
"Can I practise on you?"
I miss the good old days when you could have a light joke at someone else's expense. Like doing that marital rape thing, it never used to be called that. It used to be called "serving your husband" or "wifely duties". The real joke is that it was legal until 1990.
Why is that a joke?
Because it is piss funny seeing the look on her face when she wakes up in the middle of coitus.
Why is that a joke?
Dude, come on, you want to start your day off happy or not?
Why is that a joke?
She literally looks like she just seen a ghost and sort of flops about trying to fend you off like a rag doll. It's piss funny.
No seriously, dude, why is that a joke? It sounds more like a felony.
I have double standards: burn a body at a crematorium and you're being a respectful friend; do it at home and you're destroying evidence.
Why do orphans play GTA?
So they can feel wanted.
It's only rape.
If she finds out.
What's the best thing about being a pedophile? You can choose the fit profession where you find kids most.
I was accused of rape, but I swear she was a whore.
My boss said she would've loved to meet Bill Cosby as a child. I don't get why I'm getting arrested. I was just making sure his dream came true.