Crime jokes
Why did the orphan rob the bank?
Because he/she wanted to be wanted!
Knowing how to pick locks has really opened a lot of doors for me.
What is a pedophile’s favorite part about Halloween?
Free delivery.
Why do orphans become criminals when they grow up? Because they want to be wanted.
What's the scariest thing about white people in prison?
How rare they are.
My ex died in an anchorage accident.
She always was a sleeping hooker.
What's pink and fluffy? Pink fluff.
What's pink and rusty? Madeline McCann's bike.
What happens to chickens that get kidnapped by rapists?
They get choked.
What did the pretty young pre-pubescent 14 year old boy say when he got a homosexual pedophile for Christmas?
He said he was awfully touched!
Why did Rolf Harris meet underage kids?
To tie his kangaroo down, sport!
Someone threw a cup at my eye. I told 911 that I was mugged.
What do you get when you cross a pedophile and an elementary school? Predator 3.
Came across the headline this morning whilst reading the paper...
"Woman beats off Rapist in carpark!"
I suppose that was a fair compromise!
Teacher: What comes after C?
Me: Ooh! Ooh! C4!
Teacher: Umm, ok... but still what comes after A?
Me: AK47!!!
Teacher thought: Oh hell na.
Teacher: What comes after X?
Me: Xplosin.
1 second later, bomb goes off. Idk.
What do you call a prostitute weed dealer?
A pot-hole.
Why can’t orphans play GTA and get five stars? Because they’re not wanted!
A black guy walks into a store to buy some watermelon and fried chicken. The cashier says, "That'll be $20." He pulls out his wallet, but it's empty. Suddenly, a bigger black guy bursts in, grabs him, and says, "Time to pay up, n***a!" Then he bends him over the counter and fucks him in the ass.
How do you make a little girl cry for a second time?
By wiping her blood off your dick with her teddy bear.
A team of cops and a news reporter are at a home where a violent crime has been committed. The head news reporter, in front of the camera, says, "A woman in this house has killed her husband because he stepped on the floor while she was mopping." He then turns around and asks a cop, "Has the woman been arrested yet?" The cop replies, "Not yet, we're waiting for the floor to dry."
I tried to stick to One Direction, but then they started to shoot the gay bar...