Crime jokes
Why can’t orphans play GTA and get five stars? Because they’re not wanted!
My ex died in an anchorage accident.
She always was a sleeping hooker.
What happens to chickens that get kidnapped by rapists?
They get choked.
What does a sex offender and Santa have in common?
They will come down your "chimney" tonight.
What has 2 legs and loves to play with little kids? The local priest.
Q: What did the terrorist say during a plane flight? A: “Wow! This flight is the bomb!”
Teacher: What comes after C?
Me: Ooh! Ooh! C4!
Teacher: Umm, ok... but still what comes after A?
Me: AK47!!!
Teacher thought: Oh hell na.
Teacher: What comes after X?
Me: Xplosin.
1 second later, bomb goes off. Idk.
What song did Michael Jackson come up with after his first sleepover with the kid?
"Just Beat It."
Did you hear about the cat jail break out? It was a cat-tastrophe.
When the teacher gives me an F on my exam,
but I have an AK-47 in my backpack.
*Is honestly the best policy.*
What do you call a prostitute weed dealer?
A pot-hole.
Came across the headline this morning whilst reading the paper...
"Woman beats off Rapist in carpark!"
I suppose that was a fair compromise!
What do you get when you cross a pedophile and an elementary school? Predator 3.
Someone threw a cup at my eye. I told 911 that I was mugged.
Why did Rolf Harris meet underage kids?
To tie his kangaroo down, sport!
Knowing how to pick locks has really opened a lot of doors for me.
What did the pretty young pre-pubescent 14 year old boy say when he got a homosexual pedophile for Christmas?
He said he was awfully touched!
A black guy walks into a store to buy some watermelon and fried chicken. The cashier says, "That'll be $20." He pulls out his wallet, but it's empty. Suddenly, a bigger black guy bursts in, grabs him, and says, "Time to pay up, n***a!" Then he bends him over the counter and fucks him in the ass.
How do you make a little girl cry for a second time?
By wiping her blood off your dick with her teddy bear.
A team of cops and a news reporter are at a home where a violent crime has been committed. The head news reporter, in front of the camera, says, "A woman in this house has killed her husband because he stepped on the floor while she was mopping." He then turns around and asks a cop, "Has the woman been arrested yet?" The cop replies, "Not yet, we're waiting for the floor to dry."