Crime jokes
What do you do to a deaf girl after you’re done fucking her?
Break her fingers so she can’t tell anyone.
Yesterday during the storm, there was a blackout, so I shot him.
Did you hear about the guy who was arrested for stealing luggage? Unfortunately, he lost his case.
If I ever find the doctor who screwed up my limb replacement surgery... I’ll kill him with my bear hands.
Gay gang members don't do drive-bys, they do fruit roll-ups.
I went to see my doctor today and I asked him how come every time I have sex my eyes hurt.
He said that’s a common reaction to pepper spray.
Where did Jeffrey Epstein go to college?
Bring them young.
What is a necrophiliac's safe word?
"I'm alive!"
I found Jeffrey Epstein’s diary the other day.
The last entry was about 12 years old.
What do you call a Chinese assassin?
Chinese takeout.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a good body these days?
I think Jeffrey Dahmer had the right idea, just put it in the freezer.
"Officer, I drop kicked that child in self-defense." -Techno
Why do orphans like robbing banks?
So they can be wanted.
Why do orphans like stealing things?
They wanted to have company.
Me: Hi Jacob!
Jacob: Hi.
Me: Your parents went to jail for littering when you were born!
Jacob: GOO GOO GAH GAH
Don’t be racist. Racism is a crime, and crime is for black people.
I donated blood today. In the future, I will try to remember that I'm supposed to donate my blood only.
What's a pedophile's favorite fast food meal?
In-N-Out of kids.
Due to her death, you can no longer get a letter from the Queen when you turn 100.
Instead, you now receive a text from Prince Andrew when you turn 14.
Two whores are watching the sun come up, splitting a bottle of Mad Dog and celebrating another night of servicing the general public. One asks the other: "Say. You ever been picked up by the fuzz?"
Her friend thinks it over, "No...but I have been swung around by the tits a few times!"