Crime jokes
I’m here to collect my bounty, what’s your bounty? Your pants.
What is the difference between a washing machine and a hooker?
I can put a load in the washing machine without it following me.
Did you hear about the Scottish man who murdered his wife?
He totally kilt her.
What do you find in Jeffrey Dahmer's shower?
Heads and shoulders.
What do you call the most famous skeleton detective?
Sherlock Bones!
Why can't George Floyd breathe? He had a knee on his neck, stupid.
Today someone was killed with a starter pistol. Police think it might be race related.
What Football Club does Mason Greenwood play for?
Prison FC
Why do orphans never get 5 stars in GTA 5? Because they are not wanted!
Why should you always wear rubber?
So you don’t leave DNA evidence.
Why didn't the 6th of Jan go well? Cause the shitty Trump supporters didn't carry out the damn job correctly and let the president down. Also, hang Mike Pence!
What's the most illegal activity in Africa?
Watering the plants.
Why couldn't the chicken cross the road? Why couldn't the pervert cross the road? Because his dick was in the chicken's ass!
Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was assaulted.
So, three guys are walking down the street together and decide to go rob a bank.
The first one goes for the richest man in the city’s vault but can’t open it easily and is caught and sent to death in jail for robbing the richest man.
The second one goes for his uncle's vault because screw that son of a b***h; he’s rich, why does he need all the money? But his uncle was unfortunately at the vault that day and snapped his nephew's neck.
The third one went for his ex’s vault and thought, “Well, that b***h can suck my d**k; she’s so poor anyway, who would care if I take all her money so she dies of hunger and dehydration and homelessness?” So he managed to get into her vault easily because it wasn’t heavily locked and took all her money. The next day, the third guy's ex showed up to his house and said, “I’m gonna f*****g murder you,” so she shot him dead and got her money from his house.
In hell, the three guys see each other and explain what happened. The third guy did and then asked, “You know, I don’t get it. If the richest guys are heavily guarded but already have so much money in their house, why does it need to be heavily guarded? I don’t understand why the poorer aren’t heavily guarded when they are so poor they need the money.” And the first guy said, “B***h, I don’t know, maybe the bank tellers think poor people should suck it and just die already.”
So I was sitting on the couch with a woman, and I asked her, "Does this napkin smell like chloroform?"
I'm late for my interview! Do you know where the nearest sex offender registry is?
Rape isn't a joke.
It's a type of way of making friends and to mate with other women.
It's a way of art, and works on anybody!
Like this if you agree.
What flavor ice cream do rape victims enjoy?
Cock flavor.
What do you call a Chinese rapist? Rae ping you.