Crime jokes
What does the woman say to the cannibal at the fashion show?
"Who are you wearing?"
What did the creep do when the woman said, “Make yourself at home?”
He hid in her attic.
If a homeschooled kid shoots his parents, does that count as a school shooting?
Hey guys,
I'm starting to think they don't have any candy in this van...
What's the difference between babies and onions?
You don't cry cutting up babies.
What do you call a swimming terrorist? A bath bomb.
If I were to cut your legs off, would it hurt? Because your legs will be cut off...
Why doesn't the pirate go to the strip club?
Because he has ALL of the booty!
What's the difference between Madeline McCann and Batman?
Batman returns.
What is a paedo's favourite time of year?
Halloween because they get free delivery.
My friend came over to my house. He asked where my girlfriend was, and I told him she is in the garden.
He said, "That's weird, I didn't see her." I said, "You have to dig a little."
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
Why do orphans play GTA 5?
To get wanted!
Hit 'em with the 1, 2, Jeffery Dahmer!
There are times I miss you, that I wish I could remember where I hid your body.
An action hero stops a man running by throwing a tire at him.
What is his one liner? "I told you to stop running or you will get tired."
When you donate a kidney, you are a total hero, everyone loves you.
When you donate five kidneys though, people start yelling, the police gets called--sheesh!
I had a boyfriend once. He broke up with me because he "wanted to be more alive." I guess it didn't work when he went to my basement.
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Knife." "Knife, who?" "How are you still alive? I just stabbed you!"
What's the most illegal activity in Africa?
Watering the plants.