Competition jokes
Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion in less than five moves.
Finally my high school karate lessons came to some use.
What is better than winning gold at the Para Olympics?
WALKING!
Why did the rapper become a barber?
Because he wanted to CUT through the competition!
It's the Olympics.
Q) Why did the man decide not to run in his race? A) Because of Olympiad.
What did the mustard say to the ketchup at the race?
Why is the record for longest jump kept by an emo?
They're still hanging.
Me and my wife love playing table tennis. I couldn’t win all day, but when it got dark, I managed to beat her. I don’t know how the police found out so quickly.
Who is better than Alabama?
CLEMSON TIGERS!
What do you call a country who needs another race just to be the best country in sports?
America.
Which two football teams played in the pirate Superbowl?
The Seahawks and the Buccaneers.
What was the score of the basketball game in Africa?
Eight-nothing.
Why did the lion lose the race? Because he was playing with a cheetah.
How did you get into the tampon 100?
Pull some strings!
Family are together playing charades.
Me: "50 Shades of Grey!" Yes, I'm so good at charades! Put your shirt back on, Nan!
I went home one day and see a few married guys in line in my sister's room. I ask what's going on, my sister is running a contest. The contest is the married guys lick her pussy and guess what she had for breakfast. The winner gets a free blowjob. As a brother, I couldn't be more prouder that she thought that she made up that contest.
Yo mama is so short, Minions look down at her.
Yo mama is so fat that she volunteered for the Hunger Games 'cause she thought it was an eating competition.
Yo mama is so ugly when Santa Claus saw her, he yelled "Ho Ho Holy Sh*t!"
Yo mama is so old, when she walked into an antique store, they didn't let her leave.
Yo mama is so stupid, she sold her car for gas money.
Someone should start a vaping company with the slogan: "Vapes that hit harder than your dad." Sales would skyrocket.
Your hairline is so big, Niagara Falls said, "Oh, looks like we've got some competition!"
The Gold Coast Titans winning the NRL. Best joke ever.
Two flies were playing football in a saucer. One tells the other, “You’ll need more practice if you want to play in the cup!”