I entered ten puns into a contest to see which one would win.

No pun in ten did

Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect 4 in only three moves.

Friend #1: “Yo guys, what’s the most unfair game you’ve ever played? For me it’s Fortnite.”

Friend #2: “I’d have to say Monopoly.”

Me: “The most unfair game you say? Life, definitely. Like, no one wins, it’s a one-way game.”

Friend #2: “Uhh…that’s not exactly what he meant…”

Friend #1: calls the suicide hotline

Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.

Chuck Norris wins a staring contest. – Against Medusa.

What do you call someone with an extra chromosome winning in a pool?

Posiedown.

Did you hear the race of the tomato and lettuce? Well the lettuce was winning and the tomato was trying to ketchup.

WHY DID THE SCIENTIST WANTED TO TAKE OFF HIS DOORBELL

BECAUSE HE WANTED TO WIN THE NO BELL PRIZE

Stephan hawking always wins musical chairs as he’s always sitting down

Why do pedophiles never win a race?

Because they are always coming in a little behind.

I recently saw a pun contest in NYC. The owners said there was a maximum of 10 puns that I could submit. I wrote 10 puns and submitted all of them in hopes that at least one would win - however, no pun in ten did.

Q: why did the scarecrow from the wizard of oz win an award? A: Because he was outstanding IN HIS FIELD.

What’s better than winning gold at the Paralympics?

Not being retarded

Pedophiles don’t win races because they like to come in a little behind.

I didn’t trip and fall… I attacked the floor and I believe I am winning :3

The Coach of the Detroit Lions had put together the perfect football team. But then his quarterback got blindsided and was out for the season with a knee injury.

Then his backup went down with a concussion. He tried the trading route, free agents, but nobody any good was available.

One evening while watching the news from Iraq, he saw a young Iraqi soldier with an amazing arm. The soldier rifled a grenade on a perfect arc into a 4th story window from 100 yards, bam!

He tossed another directly into a tight group of 12 enemy fighters 80 yards away, ka-bam! Then a humvee passed, going 60 kph, boom! Another perfect shot!

Coach said to himself, “I got to have this guy. He’s got the best arm I’ve ever seen!”

He tracks him down and convinces him to come to Detroit. The kid takes coaching perfectly, makes all the plays, and long story short, the Lions win the Super Bowl.

The Iraqi is now the Conquering Hero in pro football, and a huge story. But when the broadcast team tries to interview him, all he wants is to phone his mom.

“Mother,” he yells over the phone, “We just won the Super Bowl!”

“Don’t talk to me,” the woman says. “You abandoned us. You can’t be my son.”

The young Iraqi begs, “Mom, you don’t understand! Our team won the biggest game here in the U.S. Thousands of fans are screaming for me. The U.S. President is going to call me!”

“I don’t care,” his mother snaps. “Right now I can hear gunshots everywhere. Our block is like a ruin. Your brothers were beaten half to death last night, and your sister was nearly raped.”

Then she says, "I can never forgive you for making us move to Detroit.

How did the skeleton win the girl? He was humerus

what do you say win your brother has to many jeans gene lousise

why can’t pedophiles ever win races? Because they are always coming in a little behind.

What was the winning play at the leper football game?

A hand off up the middle.

Loading...