Why did the scientist want to take off his doorbell?
Because he wanted to win the no-bell prize.
Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
I entered ten puns into a contest to see which one would win.
No pun in ten did.
I was asking people who knew Trump if he would win a second term. Stormy said, "No way, he doesn't have two in him!"
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect 4 in only three moves.
A cheetah and a lion are racing... The cheetah wins...
The lion says, "You a cheetah!"
The cheetah replies, "Nah, you a lion!"
Did you hear the race of the tomato and lettuce? Well the lettuce was winning and the tomato was trying to ketchup.
How did Donald Trump win Alabama twice?
By declaring that he has a crush on his daughter!
"Dude, can you believe Republicans are opposed to homosexuality, women's rights, and immigration, yet they are silent when it comes to incest and child molestation?"
"Well, I'm not surprised. Republicans have to win the Alabama vote, or else."
How did the dude with epilepsy win the break dancing competition?
He saw flashing lights.
How do you win an argument against a emo? kick the chair.
What do you call someone with an extra chromosome winning in a pool?
Posiedown.
Chuck Norris wins a staring contest. -- Against Medusa.
Once I went to watch a match in Portugal. It was between Penaldo and his kids. The referee was Georgiana (his wife). Mpaypal and Igayspeed were also there. The match began, and his kids scored two goals in the first 10 minutes. Then, when the match was about to end, Penaldo got angry and asked his wife for penalties. His wife declined, and he tortured and beat her up and took 10 penalties (missed 7 of them) but won 3-2. Shame on you, Penaldo! 😡😡😡
What’s better than winning a medal at the Paralympics?
Being able to walk
My aunt used to say, "Slow and steady wins the race." She died in a fire.
What war did Africa not win? The water fight.
So, Little Johnny's teacher is warned at the beginning of the school year not to ever make a bet with Johnny unless she is absolutely sure she will win it. One day in class, Johnny raises his hand and says, "Teacher, I'll bet you $50 I can guess what color your underwear is." She replies, "Okay, meet me after class and we'll settle it." But before class ends, she goes to the restroom and removes her panties. After class is over and the students clear out, Johnny makes his guess. "Blue." "Nope. You got it wrong," she says as she lifts her skirt to reveal she isn't wearing any underwear. "Well, come with me out to my dad's car, he's waiting for me, and I'll get you the money." She follows him out. When they get to the car, she informs his dad that he got the bet wrong and that she showed Johnny that she wasn't wearing any underwear. His dad exclaims: "That mother fucker! He bet me $100 this morning that he'd see your pussy before the end of the day!"
I swear, in America, one school shooter can take good care of hundreds of kids, but hundreds of soldiers can't even win a war. Might as well send all your school shooters over there.
What do women and chess have in common? When you sacrifice the females and replace them, you are more likely to win.
