Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect 4 in only three moves.
I entered ten puns into a contest to see which one would win.
No pun in ten did
Friend #1: “Yo guys, what’s the most unfair game you’ve ever played? For me it’s Fortnite.”
Friend #2: “I’d have to say Monopoly.”
Me: “The most unfair game you say? Life, definitely. Like, no one wins, it’s a one-way game.”
Friend #2: “Uhh…that’s not exactly what he meant…”
Friend #1: calls the suicide hotline
Chuck Norris wins a staring contest. – Against Medusa.
Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
WHY DID THE SCIENTIST WANTED TO TAKE OFF HIS DOORBELL
BECAUSE HE WANTED TO WIN THE NO BELL PRIZE
What do you call someone with an extra chromosome winning in a pool?
I entered 10 puns into a pun contest, hoping one would win, but no pun in ten did.
Did you hear the race of the tomato and lettuce? Well the lettuce was winning and the tomato was trying to ketchup.
Stephan hawking always wins musical chairs as he’s always sitting down
If you bet on Russian roulette even if you win you still lose
Why do pedophiles never win a race?
Because they are always coming in a little behind.
A guy wins a free ticket to the Super Bowl and so he’s very excited.
However, he’s not so excited when he gets there and realizes his seat’s in the back of the stadium.
So he looks around him for a better seat, and to his surprise he finds an empty seat right next to the field.
He approaches the older guy who’s sitting in the seat next to the empty one and asks if the seat is taken.
The man replies, “No.”
The young guy is very surprised to hear this and asks, “How could someone pass up a seat like this?”
The older guy replies, “It’s my wife’s seat. We’ve been to every Super Bowl together since the day we were married but she’s passed away.”
“Oh, how sad,” the young guy says, taken aback. “I’m sorry to hear that, but couldn’t you find a friend or relative to come with you?”
“No,” the man replies, “They’re all at the funeral.”
The Coach of the Detroit Lions had put together the perfect football team. But then his quarterback got blindsided and was out for the season with a knee injury.
Then his backup went down with a concussion. He tried the trading route, free agents, but nobody any good was available.
One evening while watching the news from Iraq, he saw a young Iraqi soldier with an amazing arm. The soldier rifled a grenade on a perfect arc into a 4th story window from 100 yards, bam!
He tossed another directly into a tight group of 12 enemy fighters 80 yards away, ka-bam! Then a humvee passed, going 60 kph, boom! Another perfect shot!
Coach said to himself, “I got to have this guy. He’s got the best arm I’ve ever seen!”
He tracks him down and convinces him to come to Detroit. The kid takes coaching perfectly, makes all the plays, and long story short, the Lions win the Super Bowl.
The Iraqi is now the Conquering Hero in pro football, and a huge story. But when the broadcast team tries to interview him, all he wants is to phone his mom.
“Mother,” he yells over the phone, “We just won the Super Bowl!”
“Don’t talk to me,” the woman says. “You abandoned us. You can’t be my son.”
The young Iraqi begs, “Mom, you don’t understand! Our team won the biggest game here in the U.S. Thousands of fans are screaming for me. The U.S. President is going to call me!”
“I don’t care,” his mother snaps. “Right now I can hear gunshots everywhere. Our block is like a ruin. Your brothers were beaten half to death last night, and your sister was nearly raped.”
Then she says, "I can never forgive you for making us move to Detroit.
I recently saw a pun contest in NYC. The owners said there was a maximum of 10 puns that I could submit. I wrote 10 puns and submitted all of them in hopes that at least one would win - however, no pun in ten did.
Pedophiles don’t win races because they like to come in a little behind.
I didn’t trip and fall… I attacked the floor and I believe I am winning :3
I was asking people who knew trump if he would win a second term . Stormy said " no way, he doesn’t have 2 in him!"
why did the scientist take out his doorbell ? Because he wanted to win no-bell prize
How did the skeleton win the girl? He was humerus