Competition jokes

What did the two paintings say after a long battle?

Let's call this one a draw.

Did you hear the scores of the African basketball game?

It was Eight-Nothing.

What did Hitler and Usain Bolt have in common?

They both finished the races.

How did the retard win the break dancing competition?

He saw flashing lights.

Why doesn't Mexico compete in the Olympics?

Because all the Mexicans who can run, jump, and swim are in the U.S.

Ball so hard! 😂🤣

I asked my mum to be in the Paralympics, and she said I had to eat more vegetables.

The KGB, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary-General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and make no apologies: the rabbit had it coming.

The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling:

"Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"

North Korea and the Martians were fighting about who was going to reach Venus first.

Trump steps in and says, "That doesn't matter, America is going to land on the sun first."

The Martians and North Korea said, "You can't land on the sun, it's too hot and you will die."

Trump said his brilliant plan, "America is going to land there at night."

I bet China can be the best baseball team. They took out the entire world with just a bat.

Why is the USA so bad at chess?

Because they already lost two towers.

Pedophiles don't win races because they like to come in a little behind.

Why did the cheetah get disqualified?

Because he was a cheetah, duh!

Rock, paper, lesbians.

I was playing a tennis match against a girl and said, "I will fuck you up." She said, "Try me." So that's exactly what I did, and I won by forfeit as she ended up running away crying.