Come jokes

I can't come in, because I'm too high.

What's the difference between you and my dad? You come home.

I think I am a boomerang because I always come back to you.

So I walk into Orchids Of Asia. I come out three minutes later with the best massage of my life. What's the catch? Aye, there, matey, the catch of the day be crabs.

"Bippity Boppity Boop! Bill Cosby's coming for you!"

What did the iceberg say to the firefighter?

"Come close and I’ll knock you out cold!"

What’s the hardest part about being friends with a turtle?

Getting them to come out of their shell.

The doe comes out of the woods, shakes herself, and says,

"I can't believe I did that for 2 bucks!"

What comes next in the pattern: ottffs?

How do you call on a mail man who is carrying rotten fruit?

Come post!

"Knock knock."

"Come in."

One way to not pick up a girl is to say, “Are you an American school because I wanna shoot kids into you?” I tried it on a girl, and she is now terrified to come near me.

How was I supposed to know she was already pregnant?

How do you know if you’ve walked into a sex addicts' counselling session?

The psychologist will thank you for coming.

"Karma is the guy on the Chiefs, Coming straight home to me."

Your dad is so f**king fat that when he bends over and comes back up, it's the next day.

I call my penis the truth because the truth always comes out of children’s mouths.

Deku: Hey Todoroki, are you done with your Halloween costume?

Todoroki: Yes. *comes out in a macaroni outfit*

Deku: Wha- I'm todoroni.

Bakugo: OMFG, I'm out! *blows up UA*

An optimist says, "The glass is half full."

A pessimist says, "The glass is half empty."

A scientist walks by and says, "You guys are both wrong. The glass is technically completely full because it is half filled with air."

Then Africa comes by and says, "Stop arguing. At least you guys have water!"

A man went to buy 5 undies, so he said, "Hi, 5 undies, please, 1 for each weekday." Then another man comes and said, "Hi, 7 undies please, 1 for each day, and they'll finish cleaning by Sunday." So the cashier said, "Now that's more like it!" And then another person said, "Hi, 12 undies please, wait, I'm gonna double check... January... fe"

A 10 year old girl lays in her bed and excitedly waits for Santa to come. When Santa eventually comes she giggles, shivers, and orgasms.

Finally, as a special thank you, she sucks off Santa’s wet cock.