Come Jokes

Why do orphans hate any milk?

Their dad did not come back for 10 years. Oh, sorry, he got lost in the store! 🤧

Why can't emos come out of the closet to their parents?

Because they won't be there to stick around.

If you execute someone in ventricular fibrillation in the electric chair, will they come back to life once and then die?

I wanted to hire a butler for my new mansion in downtown LA. As he arrived, he introduced himself and I discovered it was Ghostionel Pessi.

I asked him why is he working as a butler? He told me that “a big game is coming up so he needs to refine his bottleling skills.” DAMN PESSI!

Your manna so fat your father will be coming around the mountain when he cums.

Jeff crosses the US border.

The second he crosses into the USA, a guy comes up with a gun.

Jeff: "That's what I was expecting."

Why do orphans like the number seven? It's lucky, so maybe their parents will come back.

Why did Jesus come back from the dead? He forgot to tell you that you're gay!

I did this to my ex. I stole her wheelchair. I knew she would come crawling back.

Me in 2078 when the COVID-19 delta alpha theta beta cya layta alligayta nlgga chungus sussy deef clussy sussy bussy cunnybrap variant comes out and I need to stay in lockdown for another 2 years with my new mandated virus stopper buttplug 9000.

What’s blue and comes in brownies?

Cub Scouts.

How to make the kissing in a tree recognizable: me and you k.i.s.s.i.n.g., tree sitting, wedding, love, then comes love, then comes baby in the carriage, then hate comes, divorce and purse.

FEW!!!!!!!

How do you get an orphan's hands to bleed?

Tell him to clap until his parents come home!

A husband and wife get into a fight. The wife says, "Go blow off some steam. I’ll let you fuck a hooker." So he does that, comes back, and says, "I’m off the hook now!"

There are 2 dads and 2 sons. They all caught a fish.

Why did they only come home with 3 fish?

(Answer)

There were a grand-dad, dad, and son.

If you don't get it, then it means grand father is the dad to the dad (1 dad). Dad is the dad for the son and a son for the grandfather. Get it?

Friend 1: How come when you say "apart" your lips move apart, but when you say "together" they move apart?

Me: Maybe your lips want a divorce.

What's the difference between Madeleine McCann and a boomerang?

The boomerang is guaranteed to come back.

"MERCURY INSURANCE, come to our office in Mercury."

About a month ago, I was at my best friend’s funeral and I told him, "Bitches always come and go." He looked at me kinda mad, kinda confused, and said, "That’s my mom, dude."

My mom told me that my friend Paul is coming over, and he is going to sleep over, so I was happy.

The next day, I ask my mom, "Where's the dog?" My mom asks me, "What dog?"

Then I said to my mom, "I heard Paul say, 'Do you want it doggy?' and you said 'Yeah.'"