Come

Come jokes

Suicide

    • A hot woman is ready to jump from a bridge and commit suicide when an ugly, stinky homeless man comes up to her and tells her, "Oh baby, you so hot, let's fuck!"

    She just yells, "Get the fuck away, you creep!"

    He just laughs and says, "Alright, I'll wait down there."

  • 1

    • Justin Bieber

    • If Selena Gomez wasn't really single after Justin Bieber dumped her, I would wait for her to come by my house, take her fine ass in my room, close my door, and give her some sex medicine until she masturbates.

  • 0
    • Come memes

    Reincarnation

    • This morning, I was having a conversation with my ex-boyfriend about reincarnation. I said to him, "If you could come back in the next life as anything, what would you come back as?" He thought about it for a minute and says, "A tree. That way, everybody can look at me and admire me."

    Then he says the same thing to me. I started thinking about it when these two sexy, half-naked studs walked by. One was a jock, the other on his bicycle. I know I said I want to come back as a jockstrap or a bicycle seat, but knowing my luck, I'll come back as a tampon.

  • 1

    • Priest

    • Two priests walk into a store, and cops come up to them and say they’re looking for a child molester, and the priests both say, "I’ll do it!"

  • 1

    • Dog

    • A man had moved to a new country with his dog and with basic understanding of the language. One day he heard people talking about a place for dogs, so he took his dog there, telling them he wanted his dog to be groomed.

    The man behind the counter responded with "yes happy dog, come back in little hours." So the man left and came back a couple hours later. When he asked about his dog, he was given a box of jerky. He found out "Happy Dog" was the name of the place where dogs become food.

  • 3

    • Restroom

    • Question: "You're-a-American" when you're not in the restroom and when you come out of the restroom. What are you when you're in the restroom?

    Answer: European (You're-a-peein')

  • 1

    • Angel

    • A man who desperately wanted to be good after serving time in prison was visited by an Angel. "You want to change? You can still enter heaven on two conditions. You must bet on the horses with any money you have and pass your winnings to someone less fortunate, and you must never hold on to any beef." The Angel then disappeared.

    The man did as was told and became generous and kind. As he emerged from the betting office with all his money, he would pass every penny of it all to a deserving person each and every time.

    He, however, couldn't seem to avoid meat and would still eat it no matter what.

    When he died, the Angel came back for him.

    "But I'm undeserving; I can't come with you," he said.

    "Yes, you can," replied the Angel, "you gave all your stake (steak) away."

  • 1

    • Question

    • Why did the question come to life? Answer: The adding, subtracting, times, dividing by, and equals signs came to life and squished pages.

    Suicide

    • A man comes to a bar and has a drink. Then his bully came to him and stole his drink. Then the bully asked, "What's wrong?"

    The man said that "I'm trying to kill myself. I tried getting hit by a train, but the train went on a different track. Then I tried to jump off a bridge, but I fell on a boat full of pillows. Then I tried to poison myself."

    Then the bully says, "Then what?" Then the man replied, "You just drank it." Then the man left.

  • 1