Come jokes
An orphan comes up to me and says, "You're ugly." I said, "You remind me of Spider-Man: No Way Home."
I can't believe this!
Pizza is round and it comes in a square box, and you cut it into a triangle.
Why did God steal a rib from Adam and make a woman out of it?
God wanted to show that nothing sensible can come of stealing!
It’s amazing just how paranoid Hitler was.
In Hitler’s Germany, it was illegal to make jokes about him or his regime.
Come on! Forbidding Germans from making jokes? Isn’t that a bit like forbidding Americans from eating salad?
Why are blind people bad at catching things? Because they never see it coming.
Helen Keller: *Gets knocked to the floor*
Helen Keller (in her head): "Wow, I didn't see that coming!"
Why do they put barcodes on the ships in Norway?
Why?
So when they come into port, they can Scan-de-navian.
"Bippity Boppity Boop! Bill Cosby's coming for you!"
The doe comes out of the woods, shakes herself, and says,
"I can't believe I did that for 2 bucks!"
What comes next in the pattern: ottffs?
So I walk into Orchids Of Asia. I come out three minutes later with the best massage of my life. What's the catch? Aye, there, matey, the catch of the day be crabs.
What did the iceberg say to the firefighter?
"Come close and I’ll knock you out cold!"
How do you call on a mail man who is carrying rotten fruit?
Come post!
I complained to my dad why he never took me to the zoo.
He said if they want you, they’ll come get you.
How do you know if you’ve walked into a sex addicts' counselling session?
The psychologist will thank you for coming.
What did Spiderman say on September 11th, 2001?
"Look out, Here comes the Spiderman!"
What is one dream that Michael Joseph Jackson made come to life? He loved to say: "Somebody's watching me."
NORTH INDIANS: Decent, but overrated af. They are the only thing that comes to many ppl's minds when someone says "Indian".
SOUTH INDIANS: Decent, but underrated af. Many ppl don't even know they exist. They are literally asked if they are North Indians.
WEST AND EAST: Decent but underrated af.
An optimist says, "The glass is half full."
A pessimist says, "The glass is half empty."
A scientist walks by and says, "You guys are both wrong. The glass is technically completely full because it is half filled with air."
Then Africa comes by and says, "Stop arguing. At least you guys have water!"
A man went to buy 5 undies, so he said, "Hi, 5 undies, please, 1 for each weekday." Then another man comes and said, "Hi, 7 undies please, 1 for each day, and they'll finish cleaning by Sunday." So the cashier said, "Now that's more like it!" And then another person said, "Hi, 12 undies please, wait, I'm gonna double check... January... fe"