Come jokes

I call my penis the truth because the truth always comes out of children’s mouths.

One way to not pick up a girl is to say, “Are you an American school because I wanna shoot kids into you?” I tried it on a girl, and she is now terrified to come near me.

How was I supposed to know she was already pregnant?

Your dad is so f**king fat that when he bends over and comes back up, it's the next day.

What do nail polish and panties have in common?

Both come off with alcohol.

I saw my sisters masturbating with cucumbers and hotdogs.

I said, "Come on, I was gonna eat that later! Now it's just gonna taste like hotdogs and cucumbers!"

Wanna play dolls?

I can be Ken, and you can be the box I come in.

What comes after 69?

Period.

What does Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?

They both come while you’re asleep.

When I was a kid, my father would tell me that the black Santa Claus was coming to our house for Christmas. So, instead of putting out cookies and milk, we would put out cornbread and purple Kool-Aid.

An orphan comes up to me and says, "You're ugly." I said, "You remind me of Spider-Man: No Way Home."

I can't believe this!

Pizza is round and it comes in a square box, and you cut it into a triangle.

Why did God steal a rib from Adam and make a woman out of it?

God wanted to show that nothing sensible can come of stealing!

It’s amazing just how paranoid Hitler was.

In Hitler’s Germany, it was illegal to make jokes about him or his regime.

Come on! Forbidding Germans from making jokes? Isn’t that a bit like forbidding Americans from eating salad?

Why are blind people bad at catching things? Because they never see it coming.

Helen Keller: *Gets knocked to the floor*

Helen Keller (in her head): "Wow, I didn't see that coming!"

Why do they put barcodes on the ships in Norway?

Why?

So when they come into port, they can Scan-de-navian.

"Bippity Boppity Boop! Bill Cosby's coming for you!"

The doe comes out of the woods, shakes herself, and says,

"I can't believe I did that for 2 bucks!"

What comes next in the pattern: ottffs?

So I walk into Orchids Of Asia. I come out three minutes later with the best massage of my life. What's the catch? Aye, there, matey, the catch of the day be crabs.