Come

Come jokes

Priest

    • A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street, and they come to a kid playing in a sandbox. The priest says, "Hey, you wanna go screw that kid?"

    To which the rabbi replies, "Out of what?"

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    • Incest

    • A woman's husband has a yearly conference. The first night he's away from home, their teenage son Tommy comes into their room at night and starts to make love to her, but she knows that it can be dangerous to wake a sleepwalker, so she doesn't say anything. He does this every night for two weeks and stops when his father comes home.

    She realizes she's pregnant and has a baby boy.

    The next year the same thing happens, she gets pregnant again, and has a baby girl.

    The third year, she's feeling very guilty, and after thirteen nights of incredible passionate lovemaking she sits Tommy down and tells him, "Every time your father leaves town on business, you sleepwalk into my bedroom and make love to me. Bobby and Anna aren't just your brother and sister, you're their father!"

    Tommy said "You think I was sleepwalking?"

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    • Teacher

    • Teacher: What comes after C?

    Me: Ooh! Ooh! C4!

    Teacher: Umm, ok... but still what comes after A?

    Me: AK47!!!

    Teacher thought: Oh hell na.

    Teacher: What comes after X?

    Me: Xplosin.

    1 second later, bomb goes off. Idk.

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    • Hooker

    • A husband and wife get into a fight. The wife says, "Go blow off some steam. I’ll let you fuck a hooker." So he does that, comes back, and says, "I’m off the hook now!"

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    • Come memes

    Hat

    • Little Jonny Bad Ass was sitting on a porch one day, and a preacher was in the house. Little Jonny Bad Ass had to use the bathroom, so he bangs on the door saying, "Mom, I have to use the bathroom!" His mom says wait. So Little Jonny Bad Ass saw a hat on the step. He looks around, pulls his pants down, and shits in the hat.

    A few later, the preacher comes out and says, "I see you have my hat!" Little Jonny Bad Ass says, "Yeah, I caught the world's fastest bird!" The preacher says, "Well, let me see him!" Little Jonny Bad Ass says, "No, I don't know." Well, the preacher says, "I'll put my hands by the hat, you lift, and I'll catch him!" Little Jonny Bad Ass lifted the hat and the preacher clapped his hands, and Little Jonny Bad Ass says, "Now see the bird don't shit," and ran.

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    • Hitler

    • You know Hitler loves you when he comes up to you on Valentine's Day and he says, "Will you be my Valenein?"

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    • AI

    • You ever try sexting with AI? Every time I type “I’m coming,” it replies, “Coming where? Need directions?”

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    • Website

    • Attention, everyone: I will be leaving this website. Thank you everybody who has been nice to me. Maybe I’ll come back in the future, but for now: Goodbye.

    Ted Cruz

    • If Mexico is an unredeemable shithole, then how come the Republicans' favorite senator, Ted Cruz, ran to Mexico as fast as he could after a little bit of snow in his home?

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    • Size

    • Three guys walk into a bar: one Asian, one American, one Black.

    A girl walks in and says if all three of your D*** sizes don't add up to 12 inches, I will shoot you.

    First comes the American with 3 inches, then the Black man with 8.

    It totals out to 11 and they look at the Asian and say "Oh no."

    He comes to 1 inch to top off the twelve.

    She walks away and says ok.

    The Asian says, "You're lucky she was hot, so I had a boner!"

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    • Dick

    • How do you know when you should tell a heterosexual woman to stop sucking your dick?

    When there is blood coming out of your dick instead of sperm.

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    • Orphan

    • "Come on, man, give the orphans a break with these jokes."

    "No, not until their parents pick them up."

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