Come

Come jokes

Girlfriend

    • I went home to my girlfriend with milk! She said, "Oh thank you honey!"

    Then I got a call from a girl named Melissa. She called and said, "Steven, where the hell have you been? It's been two weeks and you still haven't come back yet?"

  • 1

    • Orgasm

    • A 13 year old girl is having a sleepover. One of her friends asks, "When was the last time you had an orgasm?" She replies, "3 days ago." Dad comes bursting in, "I KNEW YOU WERE FAKING LAST NIGHT!"

  • 8

    • Newfoundland

    • A down-on-his-luck Newfoundlander takes a job in Toronto. He hates every minute of it. The housing is overpriced, the traffic a bottleneck. Frustrated, he starts saving every penny until he can buy a car to go home to the outport.

    Eventually someone takes pity on him and offers to sell him a car with no reverse for fifty bucks.

    "I takes it!" the Newfie replies, "because I don't intends on coming back anyway."

  • 0

    • Day

    • Earlier that day...

    Mars: Okay Venus, you need to stop with the puns.

    Mission on space.

    Mars: Moon? You okay?

    Moon:...

    Mars: Moon come on! Stop spacing out!

    *Venus and Moon giving her the smirk*

  • 0

    • Dad

    • The quiet kid's dad dies. You go, "Knock knock."

    "Who's there?"

    "Not your dad."

    Then he says, "What comes after 47?"

    The quiet kid says, "AK."

  • 0
    • Come memes

    Cake

    • Little Johnny is walking around and peeks in his parents' room, catching them having sex. So he asks, "What are you guys doing?" and they reply, "Nothing, nothing! We're just, uh, making cake," and they send him away.

    So he continues walking around, and he hears some strange noises coming from his brother's room. He walks in and catches his brother and his brother's girlfriend having sex and then asks him, "What are you guys doing?" and his brother yells, "Get out! We're making cake!"

    So Johnny leaves and goes to his room. The next day the whole family is at the dinner table and Little Johnny turns to his sister and says, "So, you and your boyfriend were making cake last night, huh?" and she replies, "OMG! How'd you know!?" and Johnny replies, "Because I licked the icing off the couch."

  • 38

    • Orphan

    • Teacher: Where is your slip so I can see you can come on this trip?

    Orphan: Parent signature: ___________

  • 0

    • Dentist

    • A boy is sitting in a dentist chair getting braces, and a dentist comes in and says, "Brace yourself!"

  • 0

    • Trick

    • When I was recently standing in front of a huge puddle with my buddy, I remembered how he tricked me a week ago. So I tricked him...

    Mom

    • Once Jimmy was minding his own business, then he hears his mom come home. He asked, "Where have you been?" She replied with, "I was at work," yet he knew his mom did not have work. So the next day, while heading to school, he gets a phone call saying his mom is pregnant, and they want to try their device, and they need the baby's dad to say if it's alright.

    House

    • Lady: I am going to come to your house.

    Man: Ok.

    An hour later, the lady is at the man's house. The man meets her outside of the house.

    Man: You are going to cum to my house!

    And then he fucks her.

  • 0