Girl: "Hey, why don't you come over?"
Guy: "I can't. Cops are looking for me, they say I killed 2 people."
Girl: "C'mon, my parents aren't home."
Guy: "About that..."
My friend Jimmy said his dad is exactly like Santa. I asked, "Why is it because he gives people presents?" Jimmy told me, "No, it's because I hear so many good things about him but and how he's gonna come home, but never see him."
I know Im valuable, I come with a barcode ;)
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed? Tell him to clap until his parents come home.
What’s the opposite of an exorcism? It’s when Satan has to tell the priest to come out of the child.
Yo mama's so ugly, she threw a boomerang and it refused to come back.
"Come on, man, give the orphans a break with these jokes.
"No, not until their parents pick them up."
When you die, people cry and wish you to come back.
But when you do, people scream and run away.
What's the difference between a priest and acne? At least acne waits til the boy is 12 to come on his face.
Why do orphans eat cereal with water? Their dad did not come back with the milk.
What did the twin towers mom say when she fed them, open wide honey here comes the air plane
My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair.
But I knew she'd come crawling back to me.
What's the difference between my dad and a hooker?
Hookers come back.
"Dude, can you believe Republicans are opposed to homosexuality, women's rights, and immigration, yet they are silent when it comes to incest and child molestation?"
"Well, I'm not surprised. Republicans have to win the Alabama vote, or else."
Do gay midgets come out of the cabinet?
There's a movie about constipation. It hasn't come out yet.
What does a dad and the Twin Towers have in common? Once they're gone they never come back.
There are five cows on a farm, one mamma cow and four baby calves. The first baby walks up to the mom and asks, "Momma, why is my name Rose?" The mommy cow replies, "Well honey, a rose petal fell on your head when you were born." The next calf comes up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Lily?" The mother replies, "Because honey, a lily petal fell on your head when you were born." The third baby comes up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Daisy?" The momma cow again replieds" Well, when you were born a daisy petal fell on your head." The final baby walks over and says, "Huh Ruh Buh Duh!" The momma cow says, "Shut up, Cinderblock!"
What’s the difference between a bullet and a jue
One come out the chamber
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream parlor.
"Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"
The boy licked his cone and replied:
"Because the day I take the dollar the game is over!"
