Come jokes

Girl: "Hey, why don't you come over?"

Guy: "I can't. Cops are looking for me, they say I killed 2 people."

Girl: "C'mon, my parents aren't home."

Guy: "About that..."

I know I'm valuable, I come with a barcode ;)

My friend Jimmy said his dad is exactly like Santa. I asked, "Why is it because he gives people presents?" Jimmy told me, "No, it's because I hear so many good things about him and how he's gonna come home, but never see him."

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed? Tell him to clap until his parents come home.

What’s the difference between a bullet and a Jew?

One comes out of the chamber.

What’s the opposite of an exorcism?

It’s when Satan has to tell the priest to come out of the child.

When you die, people cry and wish you to come back.

But when you do, people scream and run away.

"Come on, man, give the orphans a break with these jokes."

"No, not until their parents pick them up."

What did the Twin Towers' mom say when she fed them? "Open wide honey, here comes the airplane."

What's the difference between a priest and acne? At least acne waits til the boy is 12 to come on his face.

Why do orphans eat cereal with water? Their dad didn't come back with the milk.

What's the difference between my dad and a hooker?

Hookers come back.

My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair.

But I knew she'd come crawling back to me.

Yo mama's so ugly, she threw a boomerang and it refused to come back.

Do gay midgets come out of the cabinet?

There's a movie about constipation. It hasn't come out yet.

What does a dad and the Twin Towers have in common? Once they're gone they never come back.

There are five cows on a farm, one mamma cow and four baby calves. The first baby walks up to the mom and asks, "Momma, why is my name Rose?" The mommy cow replies, "Well honey, a rose petal fell on your head when you were born." The next calf comes up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Lily?" The mother replies, "Because honey, a lily petal fell on your head when you were born." The third baby comes up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Daisy?" The momma cow again replieds, "Well, when you were born a daisy petal fell on your head." The final baby walks over and says, "Huh Ruh Buh Duh!" The momma cow says, "Shut up, Cinderblock!"

I've never worn my gay sweater, it hasn't come out of the closet yet.

A young boy enters a barber shop, and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."

The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves.

"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream parlor.

"Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"

The boy licked his cone and replied:

"Because the day I take the dollar the game is over!"