Come

Come jokes

Murder

Girl: "Hey, why don't you come over?"

Guy: "I can't. Cops are looking for me, they say I killed 2 people."

Girl: "C'mon, my parents aren't home."

Guy: "About that..."

Friend

My friend Jimmy said his dad is exactly like Santa. I asked, "Why is it because he gives people presents?" Jimmy told me, "No, it's because I hear so many good things about him and how he's gonna come home, but never see him."

  • 5
  • Exorcism

    What’s the opposite of an exorcism?

    It’s when Satan has to tell the priest to come out of the child.

  • 3
  • Orphan

    How do you make an orphan's hands bleed? Tell him to clap until his parents come home.

    Death

    When you die, people cry and wish you to come back.

    But when you do, people scream and run away.

    Orphan

    "Come on, man, give the orphans a break with these jokes."

    "No, not until their parents pick them up."

  • 9
  • Republican

    "Dude, can you believe Republicans are opposed to homosexuality, women's rights, and immigration, yet they are silent when it comes to incest and child molestation?"

    "Well, I'm not surprised. Republicans have to win the Alabama vote, or else."

    Acne

    What's the difference between a priest and acne? At least acne waits til the boy is 12 to come on his face.

    Orphan

    Why do orphans eat cereal with water? Their dad didn't come back with the milk.

    Mom

    What did the Twin Towers' mom say when she fed them? "Open wide honey, here comes the airplane."

  • 7
  • Dad

    What's the difference between my dad and a hooker?

    Hookers come back.

  • 5
  • Wheelchair

    My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair.

    But I knew she'd come crawling back to me.

    Bullet

    What’s the difference between a bullet and a Jew?

    One comes out of the chamber.

    Dad

    What does a dad and the Twin Towers have in common? Once they're gone they never come back.

  • 4
  • Cinderblock

    There are five cows on a farm, one mamma cow and four baby calves. The first baby walks up to the mom and asks, "Momma, why is my name Rose?" The mommy cow replies, "Well honey, a rose petal fell on your head when you were born." The next calf comes up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Lily?" The mother replies, "Because honey, a lily petal fell on your head when you were born." The third baby comes up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Daisy?" The momma cow again replieds, "Well, when you were born a daisy petal fell on your head." The final baby walks over and says, "Huh Ruh Buh Duh!" The momma cow says, "Shut up, Cinderblock!"