Come jokes

It is September. What's the difference between a stage four colon cancer patient and Santa Claus? Santa is coming for Christmas!

Fat people are like the Twin Towers. Once they go down, they don’t come back up.

Unfortunately, I had bad luck and faced infidelity.

Picture this: the bedroom door opens and I see my girlfriend in bed with two men...

I didn’t expect her to come back so early.

American soldier: "Did you come here to die?"

Australian soldier: "Nah mate, I came 'ere yesterdie."

What do women and a Happy Meal have in common?

They both come with a toy.

What is one dream that Michael Joseph Jackson made come to life? He loved to say: "Somebody's watching me."

What did Spiderman say on September 11th, 2001?

"Look out, Here comes the Spiderman!"

What did the mad penis say to the vagina? “Don’t make me come in there!”

You ever try sexting with AI? Every time I type “I’m coming,” it replies, “Coming where? Need directions?”

A teenage boy decides to go see a hooker for the first time and asks his experienced uncle for some tips.

"Uncle, what should I do about the hooker name? Should I ask her real name or should I come up with a name for her myself?"

"Kid, I've been fucking hookers for 20 years and I didn't even know they had names."

My sister's boyfriend was coming around for Christmas Day. He had the option of two birds to tuck into: Turkey or Goose.

I said, "Are you not satisfied with my sister, who is literally handing herself on a plate to you?!"

What goes up but never comes down? Your age. You have probably heard this joke before.

The best news about a pretty girl with special needs is that you can get her to do exactly what you want her to do.

I mean, she probably thinks receiving oral is like 100% blood sausage coming right at her.

How come you never see a gay person in a wheelchair?

It’s hard to be a fruit, when you’re already a vegetable.

I've come to the conclusion that Trump is the fifth Teletubby.

He's fat, orange, and speaks in gibberish all the time.

Why were the Twin Towers traumatized about eating?

After someone said, "HERE COMES THE AIR PLANE(s)," it just wasn't the same..........

Boys: “Hey, can Billy come out and play baseball?”

Mom: “That would be fine, but he hasn’t come out of his room since Friday.”

Boys: “Have you checked the closet?”

Why is Santa's sack always full?

Because he only comes once a year.

My principal called my mom at school and said, "You should teach your son well." After coming back home, at first she taught me sex!

Roses are red, eggs come in a dozen, do I need to revive Hitler to teach you how to use a goddamn oven?