Car jokes
1979: I bet there will be "flying cars" in "the future."
2019: The flying cars future.
What did a car say hi to?
It said hi to the school.
Your mom is so ugly, she's the reason he swerved.
A redhead, a brunette, and a blonde walk into a bar.
They were having a chat when the bartender asked them about their opinions on elements.
The redhead says, “I love gold because I can buy a lot of cars with it.”
The brunette says, “I would prefer platinum because it is more valuable than gold and can buy you more cars.”
The blonde says, “I have 2 bags of silicon and you should see the cars outside my house.”
My teacher asks all of us in class, "What is your favorite thing in the world?"
Josh: Cookies.
Jacob: My parents.
Erika: My Friends!
Brody: Lamborghinis.
Me: Pulling over in a car in the middle of nowhere at night with my girlfriend and getting in the back seat where the magic happens... ;-)
My Teacher: Ok, everyone that was all good...WAIT A DANG SECOND!
*Everyone Looks at Me With A Weird Face....
life
A young boy is stood on the top of a cliff crying. A priest approaches and says, "Why are you crying my son?" "My parents just crashed the car off the cliff and died." "It's just not your day today is it?" Said the priest, unbuttoning his flies.
My nan broke her toe on a brick today. Last time she broke her toe because she kicked her car tire. Does that now mean I have to tow her back to the doctors?
Paul's favorite car.
A Carrera GT.
What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine? Unlike the porcupine, the pricks are on the inside.
My gf told me I have to be more in touch with my feminine side, so I crashed the car.
Mom: Kid, bring your toys and clothing to the car. We're going to Disney Land.
Kid: Ok.
*Bring kid to the orphanage*.
A robber robbed a bank and ran into the road and got hit by a car.
The cops said to him, "That's CARma for you!"
Your hairline goes so far back that cars on a highway don't know which way to turn.
Who's Paul Walker's close friend?
Tree.
What were Paul Walker's last words?
I dk probably "WATCH THE FUCKING TREE!"
What does a broken down vegetable say?
I need new wheels.
How did Helen Keller drive?
One hand on the wheel, one hand on the road.
Why can't orphans ever get a car? Because they don't have a birth certificate.
Q: What does a special ed student do when he wants to buy his first car?
A: Makes a Down payment.
A man is driving down the road and runs over a rabbit. He slams on his brakes, gets out, and walks up to the flattened bunny. The bunny is obviously expired.
A passing car slams on its brakes and screeches to a halt. The driver of that car runs up to the bunny, pulls out an aerosol can, and sprays the bunny with the aerosol spray. The bunny jumps up, runs a few feet, then stops, turns around, and waves its paw at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around, and waves at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around, and waves at the two men. He continues to do this until he’s out of sight.
The first driver looks at the man with the aerosol can and says, “Wow, that is amazing! What is in that can?” The man looks at the can and reads the label, “Hair restorer, with a permanent wave.”