Car jokes
It's not bad that my car doesn't beep when reversing.
The screams of the passers-by are enough for me!
Hey, my sister said you're Mattick, so I decided to swim with her and she threw a ball at me, so I went to my dad and she said, "Why did you tell dad?" She was crying because I’m not getting a car seat.
I really like those "driverless cars." I saw loads of them last week in the car park.
Win a free ride in a police car! Just pick up a knife and use it!
Why did I cross the road to might get hit by a car or a bus?
Yaaaass
Which is redder: a baby or a red car? It depends on how the baby was killed!
I drove my Chevy to the levy, but the levy was... Oh, CRAP!!!
My friend dreamed of being a porno star.
He did it for 3 months and decided it was not for him.
The next job he got was pumping petrol. Halfway through filling up, he pulled the hose out and started spraying all over the car!
Your mama is so fat, by the time I swerved to miss her with the car, I ran out of gas.
Mom: Don't forget to unload the dishwasher.
Mom: Did you finish your homework?
Mom: We are going to your grandmother's house for Thanksgiving.
Mom: Dad and I talked. We are getting a new car next month.
Son: You are?? Oh my gosh, thank you!
Mom: No, I was just making sure you were getting my texts.
Son: That was cruel!
What do you call a Japanese car thief?
Tommy took a motor.
What do you call a Mexican with an m3?
A greaser.
Stacy: Honey, I'm kinda new to texting, what does lol mean?
Justin: I'm not sure, "lots of love," I guess.
Margaret: Stacy, are you there? I don't know if you heard, but Amber and her three kids were killed in a car crash this morning. I'm in total shock!
Stacy: lol
If blind people could play go-kart, it very quickly turns into bumper cars.
Bored? Run over an orphan with your car! What are they going to do, tell their nonexistent parents?
I braced myself when I got in the car, but then I realized my wife wasn't driving.
Why should you never throw grandpa's false teeth at a vehicle? You might denture car.
Stig
Your forehead [is] so big scientists measured it, studied it, and then finally they said: "Oh my God... your forehead is so big it's a 50 mile car ride from your eyebrows to your hair!"
Kid: Hey, Mum, why are we pushing the car off the cliff?
Mum: Shut up, son, you’ll wake your father!