Car jokes
How many hookers fit in a Cadillac?
About 4 in the trunk if you stack 'em right.
You know you're fucked when the speed bump screams.
It's not bad that my car doesn't beep when reversing.
The screams of the passers-by are enough for me!
Hey, my sister said you're Mattick, so I decided to swim with her and she threw a ball at me, so I went to my dad and she said, "Why did you tell dad?" She was crying because I’m not getting a car seat.
I wish we could implant all parts because I could have used some car parts from Stephen Hawking after he died.
Yaaaass
Why can't orphans ever get a car? Because they don't have a birth certificate.
Which is redder: a baby or a red car? It depends on how the baby was killed!
I really like those "driverless cars." I saw loads of them last week in the car park.
Win a free ride in a police car! Just pick up a knife and use it!
Why did I cross the road to might get hit by a car or a bus?
I drove my Chevy to the levy, but the levy was... Oh, CRAP!!!
Mom: Don't forget to unload the dishwasher.
Mom: Did you finish your homework?
Mom: We are going to your grandmother's house for Thanksgiving.
Mom: Dad and I talked. We are getting a new car next month.
Son: You are?? Oh my gosh, thank you!
Mom: No, I was just making sure you were getting my texts.
Son: That was cruel!
What kind of car does an Indian person drive? A Pri-yas.
What do blonde chicks and Asians have in common?
They both drive with their blinker on.
What do you call a Mexican with an m3?
A greaser.
Why should you never throw grandpa's false teeth at a vehicle? You might denture car.
Are you lightning?
Because you're McQueen.
A Ford?
They say that bad things happen to good people.
So if you get run over by a car just know you're a good person.
Knock knock. Who's there? Daisy. Daisy who? Daisy me rollinnnnnn!