Car jokes

Mom: Don't forget to unload the dishwasher.

Mom: Did you finish your homework?

Mom: We are going to your grandmother's house for Thanksgiving.

Mom: Dad and I talked. We are getting a new car next month.

Son: You are?? Oh my gosh, thank you!

Mom: No, I was just making sure you were getting my texts.

Son: That was cruel!

They say that bad things happen to good people.

So if you get run over by a car just know you're a good person.

A Ford?

Your forehead [is] so big scientists measured it, studied it, and then finally they said: "Oh my God... your forehead is so big it's a 50 mile car ride from your eyebrows to your hair!"

Kid: Hey, Mum, why are we pushing the car off the cliff?

Mum: Shut up, son, you’ll wake your father!

Stacy: Honey, I'm kinda new to texting, what does lol mean?

Justin: I'm not sure, "lots of love," I guess.

Margaret: Stacy, are you there? I don't know if you heard, but Amber and her three kids were killed in a car crash this morning. I'm in total shock!

Stacy: lol

If blind people could play go-kart, it very quickly turns into bumper cars.

Why should you never throw grandpa's false teeth at a vehicle? You might denture car.

How do you get 50 babies into a car?

You blend them.

Bored? Run over an orphan with your car! What are they going to do, tell their nonexistent parents?

I braced myself when I got in the car, but then I realized my wife wasn't driving.

Your mama is such a hoe! It took her 4 attempts to pass her driving test. She couldn't get used to the front seat.

Stig

There was a kid and a historian in a museum about WW2 and were looking at Hitler in a car doing the Nazi salute. The kid said, “Why is he putting his arm in the air?” The historian said, “Indicators on cars didn’t exist back then so he’s probably saying take the Third Reich!”

I’m going back to the house to get some stuff for my dad, and then I’m going to have a car and a birthday party come up for the weekend at the end of the week. I was going to get my birthday cake for the day.

Why was Elon Musk unable to land a job as a television host at NBC?

His own car cannot catch up with Jay Leno's Corvette!

You were born on a highway in a car crash, I wonder why.

What plate do you need to eat in a car? A license plate!

My dad seen RuPaul's Drag Race?

Asked when will they do up the cars!

My gf told me I have to be more in touch with my feminine side, so I crashed the car.