Car jokes

I really like those "driverless cars." I saw loads of them last week in the car park.

Win a free ride in a police car! Just pick up a knife and use it!

Why did I cross the road to might get hit by a car or a bus?

I drove my Chevy to the levy, but the levy was... Oh, CRAP!!!

Mom: Don't forget to unload the dishwasher.

Mom: Did you finish your homework?

Mom: We are going to your grandmother's house for Thanksgiving.

Mom: Dad and I talked. We are getting a new car next month.

Son: You are?? Oh my gosh, thank you!

Mom: No, I was just making sure you were getting my texts.

Son: That was cruel!

What do you call a Japanese car thief?

Tommy took a motor.

Why should you never throw grandpa's false teeth at a vehicle? You might denture car.

Bored? Run over an orphan with your car! What are they going to do, tell their nonexistent parents?

Your forehead [is] so big scientists measured it, studied it, and then finally they said: "Oh my God... your forehead is so big it's a 50 mile car ride from your eyebrows to your hair!"

Kid: Hey, Mum, why are we pushing the car off the cliff?

Mum: Shut up, son, you’ll wake your father!

I braced myself when I got in the car, but then I realized my wife wasn't driving.

Stacy: Honey, I'm kinda new to texting, what does lol mean?

Justin: I'm not sure, "lots of love," I guess.

Margaret: Stacy, are you there? I don't know if you heard, but Amber and her three kids were killed in a car crash this morning. I'm in total shock!

Stacy: lol

If blind people could play go-kart, it very quickly turns into bumper cars.

What do you call a Mexican with an m3?

A greaser.

How does Stephen Hawking get clean?

He uses Tesco car wash.

Knock knock. Who's there? Daisy. Daisy who? Daisy me rollinnnnnn!

They say that bad things happen to good people.

So if you get run over by a car just know you're a good person.

Why did the dog cross the road?

It didn't. Got hit by a car on the way to the other side.

As the car crashed, someone said, "I see a light!"

A Ford?