Car jokes
What is red, green, lies in a ditch, and is covered in cookie crumbs?
...A girl scout that got hit by a car.
So, a daughter goes to her dad and says, "Daddy, can I borrow the car?" He then tells her, "You know what to do." So then she proceeds to suck him off, almost immediately pulls out in disgust, and says, "Ugh, tastes like shit." Her dad then said, "Damn, I forgot your brother took the car."
Someone complimented my parking today! They left a sweet note on my windshield that said, “Parking fine.”
Q: Why can't Helen Keller drive?
A: Because she's a woman.
What do you call a blind person driving a car?
Died.
My friend Amir didn’t have the greatest driving record because of all the car crashes he got in. He only crashed his plane once in a building, so he had a much better flying record.
They said I couldn't drive.
Now they know I can't cause they are all dead.
Little Jimmy has 5 red apples. His dad's car will arrive in 20 minutes. Calculate the mass of the Sun.
I was riding my bike down the road!
When a car started coming, I started running.
It put me in a crash with my elbow through my ass! ;)
If you want to see my foes, bring a shovel and bring a map and a getaway car just in case we get caught.
I ran over my neighbor's cat last night, and I just want to say... that thing was fast! I had to run a red light to get it!
My bumper sticker says: "👋FORMER BABY ON BOARD."
The police officer in London, who used fake Covid rules to arrest a young woman, drive her more than 50 miles out of London in a hire car, murder her, and do whatever to her, has appealed against his Whole Life tariff.
He should be relieved it was only that! Could've been worse... could've married her!
I like my women like I like my traction control: disabled.
Why did the chicken cro-
UM, ACTUALLY, THE CHICKEN CAN'T CROSS THE ROAD UNLESS IT'S UNDER SOME ROOSTER OR HEN SUPERVISION OR ELSE THE CAR WILL CRASH THE CHICKEN, AND THEY WILL DIE. 🤓
Question: Why does my teenage brother wear a cape to bed?
Answer: Because he can't sleep in his race car bed...
My friend walked down the street and peed on a car.
So Timmy was walking down the street with his friend Lea. Suddenly a car drives by and Timmy waves at the car.
Lea looks at him, puzzled, then later asks him; "Why'd you wave at that car back there?"
Timmy replies "Oh that was my brother, he went to the bar. He must just be driving home..."
A pedophile pulls up to little Jonny, lowers his window and asks, "hey little boy, if I give you a lolly, will you come in my car?" Little Jonny replies, "Give me the whole packet and I’ll come in your mouth."
A penis is driving a car when all of a sudden it gets hit by a car, what did the penis end up saying?
Aaaawwwww I got dicklash!