Car jokes
Why did the suicidal person cross the road? He was waiting for a car.
Q. If a pedophile, necrophile, and a guy who is into incest are all sitting in a car, who's driving?
A. A police officer.
Mia: I'm pregnant again, Paul. I can't wait for you to come home.
Paul: I got a tree to hit on the way.
What’s the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Lamborghini?
I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.
You don't need a license to drive a sandwich.
What weighs 70 pounds and doesn't like sex?
The 6-year-old in the trunk of my car.
What's the different between Stephen Hawking and Rocket League? Both of them can't stand up.
I pushed a kid in a wheelchair and said, "Hot Wheels!"
I saw an orphan on the street. I said, "Where are your parents?" He cried and said, "My mum and dad died in a car crash!" 😆😆😂😂🤣
Why do the orphans fuck in their cars?
Because they don't know what a home is.
Hey any riding with Biden fans out there?
I ran out of gas and could really use a ride so if one of ya'll can call me and pick me up that'd be great and I can't get gas because I only have 20 bucks which is like 1-5 and a half, help me please.
To Mr. Nice Guy, you are nice, sweet, and caring! I am so grateful to be your friend!
Luckily, his funeral was a closed casket, sorry, his car blew a gasket.
The parents used to hit him.
His parents got into a car crash and died.
He became an orphan in an orphanage. The people there hit him. He looked up and said "Parents?"
I had an uncle who was a conductor. He wasn’t a symphony conductor, nor was he a street car conductor, nor was he a train conductor. He was struck by lightning.
One day when I was driving around our children's school with my wife, she saw a speed bump. She told me to slow on it, and when I did, we heard a loud, long scream.
I had to stop drinking because I got tired of waking up in my car, driving 90.
You know the difference between happy tailgaters and angry tailgaters?
Happy tailgaters know how to throw a party.
What does Mickey's wife drive?
A Minnie-Van!
My dad drove past a graveyard. He said, "I won't be buried there." I asked why.
He said, "Because I am not dead yet!"