Car jokes
My last relationship ended because I didn’t open the car door for her. Instead, I just went to the top of the water.
Site nearly as dead as my trim.
What time is it when you get home? Can you walk walk and a car and get home and get a walk home and get a dog 🐕? Today is the night I can drive.
So, this guy and his wife figure out that she has gotten pregnant. The baby is due March 31st. Well, the guy is at work and he gets a call from his wife. She tells him she is going into labor. He rushes to pick her up, and once he is on the road, he starts speeding. Eventually, he hits another car and swerves off the road into a ditch. He wakes up in the hospital, looks around but doesn’t see his wife. He asks the doctor, "Is my wife okay? She was carrying my child." The doctor said the wife is fine and the baby is in good health. 10 seconds later he goes, "APRIL FOOLS! Your wife is dead and your child has brain damage."
What’s the difference between a Mercedes and a Skoda?
Princess Di wouldn’t be seen dead in the back of a Skoda...
Your mamma is so fat that she saved me a lot of money by sitting in my car when I wanted to buy a low rider.
I did a walk today and had fun. Today, I did not have to go get my kids and get to my new house. 🏠 It was a good day. I had fun. I did a walk today. I had fun today, but I’m going to be at the car 🚘 when I’m at my car. 🚘 What time was your night time? What time did [you go to bed]?
What happens when a strawberry gets run over crossing the street? Traffic jam.
When you're going 80 mph and hit a speed bump,
Then the speed bump starts screaming.
Bored? Run over an orphan with your car! What are they going to do, tell their nonexistent parents?
Why did ItsFunneh go on the road? She so Draco looking at a car then the car runs over him, sad Draco.
Why did Paul Walker cross the street?
Because he wasn't wearing his seatbelt.
Did you know Princess Diana was on the radio the night she died?
To be honest, she was on the whole dashboard too.
Two persons were in a car. The brakes were broken and they were going so fast that they would crash and die.
The driver said: "Oh no! We will die!" but the person sitting next to him replied: "Don't panic, the stop sign at the end of the road will stop us."
What's the difference between a cop car and a hedgehog?
With a cop car, all the pricks are on the inside.
What do you get when you cross a car with a woman?
A transmission that never shifts.
How does an Indian open his car?
"Boot, boot!" (in an Indian accent)
When they say you live by the sword, you die by the sword, not in Paul Walker's case. He lived by the car, died by a tree. Well, I guess the car was stumped.
A girl in my class started barking, and I yelled out, "Furry!" Everyone started laughing at her, and I felt bad. After school, I asked to drive her home, and one the way there I apologized and then told her to count down from 10 - 1. Before she said one, I yelled, "THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!" then I jumped out the car.
Mom told me to get more in touch with my feminine side. So, I crashed the car.