Car jokes
Why did the suicidal person cross the road? He was waiting for a car.
Q. If a pedophile, necrophile, and a guy who is into incest are all sitting in a car, who's driving?
A. A police officer.
Mia: I'm pregnant again, Paul. I can't wait for you to come home.
Paul: I got a tree to hit on the way.
What’s the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Lamborghini?
I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.
You don't need a license to drive a sandwich.
What weighs 70 pounds and doesn't like sex?
The 6-year-old in the trunk of my car.
What's the different between Stephen Hawking and Rocket League? Both of them can't stand up.
I had to stop drinking because I got tired of waking up in my car, driving 90.
Why do the orphans fuck in their cars?
Because they don't know what a home is.
Hey any riding with Biden fans out there?
I ran out of gas and could really use a ride so if one of ya'll can call me and pick me up that'd be great and I can't get gas because I only have 20 bucks which is like 1-5 and a half, help me please.
What does Mickey's wife drive?
A Minnie-Van!
I had an uncle who was a conductor. He wasn’t a symphony conductor, nor was he a street car conductor, nor was he a train conductor. He was struck by lightning.
I pushed a kid in a wheelchair and said, "Hot Wheels!"
I saw an orphan on the street. I said, "Where are your parents?" He cried and said, "My mum and dad died in a car crash!" 😆😆😂😂🤣
Luckily, his funeral was a closed casket, sorry, his car blew a gasket.
The parents used to hit him.
His parents got into a car crash and died.
He became an orphan in an orphanage. The people there hit him. He looked up and said "Parents?"
To Mr. Nice Guy, you are nice, sweet, and caring! I am so grateful to be your friend!
One day when I was driving around our children's school with my wife, she saw a speed bump. She told me to slow on it, and when I did, we heard a loud, long scream.
My dad drove past a graveyard. He said, "I won't be buried there." I asked why.
He said, "Because I am not dead yet!"
You know the difference between happy tailgaters and angry tailgaters?
Happy tailgaters know how to throw a party.