Three citizens were going through an exam to become agents of the FBI. Their instructor handed the first guy a gun in a room with his wife and said he had to shoot her. He walked out in shame and said he couldn't do it. The second guy had the same scenario. He put the gun up, but couldn't pull the trigger, so he walked out in shame. The third guy was put in the same scenario. He walked out and told the instructor, "The gun wasn't loaded, I had to strangle the bitch."
I remember my grandfather's last words: "Is that loaded?"
I don’t know what’s worse: Finding bucket loads of porn on my dad’s laptop, or finding out he was in all of them.
Two men are in a rainforest, and one of them is peeing. Suddenly, a snake jumps out of some bushes and bites the man’s penis. The other man says, “Oh my God, I will go to a doctor immediately!” He didn’t have enough time to load the man into the car, so he went straight to the hospital. The man told the doctor what happened, and the doctor said, “You will have to make an incision at the wound and suck the poison out.” The man went back to the other man and said, “There is no hope, you will die.”
Famous last words:
"Don't worry man, it's not even loaded."
What is the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of babies?
You can't unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork.
A wife was cleaning 12-year-old son’s bedroom When she found a load of serious bondage gear and fetish mags, she asked her husband, “what do we do?” The husband said, “I’m no expert, but I wouldn’t fucking spank him.”
Did you hear about the magician who did magic with chocolate? I heard he had loads of Twix up his sleeve.
Two homeless alcoholics want to get drunk but don't have enough money for even the cheapest drinks in any bar. So one of them devises a clever plan: he tells his friend, "We should buy a hot-dog sausage with the last of our money and stick it down my pants, then drink a load of drinks. But then when the bill comes, you get down and suck on the hot-dog, and it'll look like you're sucking on my dick. So then we'll get thrown out without paying, and we can just go to another bar and do the same thing again."
His friend agrees, so they buy the hot-dog, stick it down the first dude's pants, go to the bar, and then the second dude begins to suck on the hot-dog as agreed. They are thrown out and hit another four bars this way. In the end, as they lie drunk on the floor in some alleyway, the second guy says, "Well, what a great night. Free beers in five different bars!" The first guy says, "Yeah! Especially since the hot-dog fell out before we even reached the first bar!"
What is the difference between a washing machine and a hooker? I can put a load in the washing machine without it following me.
Q. How much cum does a gay guy have?
A. A butt load.
What is the difference between a washing machine and a child?
The washing machine doesn't cry when you put a load in it.
what's another name for cumming inside of a woman?
loading the dishwasher.
Why are washers better than babies?
Washers don’t cry when you put a load in it.
What’s another name for cuming inside a woman? Loading the dishwasher
What do garbage bins and horny women have in common? They wait to be filled with a big load
When you cream pie a tardy hottie, it’s called a loaded potato. 🥴🦴💨🥔
What’s the difference between a prostitute and a homeless shelter? You can shit a load inside of a prostitute but if you try it in a shelter you get arrested.
what do u call a load of retards in a swimming pool vegetable soup
Which train 🚂 is loaded with bubble gum?
A chew chew train
