i remember my grandfathers last words: “is that loaded?”

Famous last words:

“Don’t worry man, it’s not even loaded.”

3 citizens were going through an exam to become agents of the FBI, their instructor handed the first guy a gun in a room with his wife and said he had to shoot them, he walked out in shame and said he couldn’t do it. The second guy had the same scenario, he put the gun up but couldn’t pull the trigger so he walked out in shame. The third guy was put in the same scenario, he walked out and told the instructor, “The gun wasn’t loaded, I had to strangle the bitch.”

What is the difference between a washing machine and a child…?

The washing machine doesn’t cry when you put a load in it.

Two homeless alcoholics want to get drunk but don’t have enough money for even the cheapest drinks in any bar. So one of them devises a clever plan : he tells his friend “We should buy a hot-dog sausage with the last of our money and stick it down my pants, then drink a load of drinks but then when the bill comes you get down and suck on the hot-dog and it’ll look like you’re sucking on my dick so then we’ll get thrown out without paying and we can just go to another bar and do the same thing again”. His friend agrees so they buy the hot-dog, stick it down the first dude’s pants, go to the bar and then the second dude begins to suck on the hot-dog as agreed. They are thrown out and hit another four bars this way. In the end, as they lie drunk on the floor in some alleyway, the second guy says, “Well, what a great night. Free beers in five different bars!” The first guy says “Yeah! Especially since the hot-dog fell out before we even reached the first bar!”

Two men are in a rainforest and one of them is peeing. Suddenly a snake jumps out of some bushes and bites the man’s penis. The other man says, “ Oh my God, I will go to a doctor immediately!”. He didn’t have enough time to load the man into the car so he went straight to the hospital. The man told the doctor what happened and the doctor said, “You will have to make an incision at the wound and suck the poison out. The man wen back to the other man and said, “ There is no hope, you will die.”

I don’t know what’s worse: Finding bucket loads of porn on my dad’s laptop, or finding out he was in all of them

What’s the difference between a women and a washing machine? The washing machine doesnt follow you after you put a load in it.

What is the difference between a washing machine and a hooker? I can put a load in the washing machine without it following me.

What do Catholic priests and school shooters have in common?

They both like to dump their loads into little kids.

Yo mama is so fat, a rogue shadowstepped her and got a loading screen.

Q. How much cum does a gay guy have A. A butt load

what do u call a load of retards in a swimming pool vegetable soup

I want diabetes so I can drink loads of coke - Louie Fennell 2018

i remember my moms last words before her divorce, did you just load in me.

20 fridges are loaded onto a plane, only 19 come off. Okay moving on you took to long, how many steps does it take to put an elephant into a fridge (Their reply Idk how many) 3, Open the fridge put the elephant into the fridge and close the door. how do you put a giraffe into the fridge (Their reply 3…) Wrong 4, Open the fridge take out the elephant put in the giraffe and close the door, why did sally fall off the swing, A fridge fell on her

20 fridges are loaded onto a plane, only 19 come off. Okay moving on you took to long, how many steps does it take to put an elephant into a fridge (Their reply Idk how many) 3, Open the fridge put the elephant into the fridge and close the door. how do you put a giraffe into the fridge (Their reply 3…) Wrong 4, Open the fridge take out the elephant put in the giraffe and close the door, why did sully fall off the swing, A fridge fell on her

What’s the definition of total chaos? A bus load of retards passing a magnet factory.

How much cum does a gay guy have

An ass loaded

During the election campaign of 2012 we heard about Obama but we fought they said Osama. So I told my friend grab his gun and lets have some fun. So during one of Obama’s campaign we both shot him to death, which lasted a while. Then my friend said “lets go get piz drunk at Mavericks bar”. Then on TV they talked about Obama death and everybody but 2 guys cheered. Then guess what, we loaded our guns and lit those 2 guys up like we did to Obama.

A man told his love interest she looked beautiful. And then his love interest told him she had loads of things to tell him. And after 3 minutes, she told him he looked fat, ugly, disgusting, creepy, and tiny. Then the police came and arrested her for saying that.

Three disabled guys (a blind man, an amputee, and a guy in a wheelchair) are flying back with the USA team from the Paralympic games in the Middle East when their plane crashes in the Sahara Desert. The three disabled guys (the only survivors) are now stranded and wait for someone to rescue them, but no one showed. They start to get real thirsty, so they decide to seek out water. The amputee leads the way, with the blind man pushing the guy in the wheelchair; and, eventually they find an oasis. The amputee leader goes into the water first, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, walks out the other side and lo and behold, he has a NEW LEG! He gets excited and encourages his friends to do the same. The blind man offers to push the guy in the wheelchair, but he gets refused because the guy in the chair wants to be Mr Independent and isists the blind man goes ahead first. So he goes into the water, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, walks out the other side and lo and behold, he can SEE! Now the guy in the wheelchair’s getting really excited, starts pushing with all his might, goes into the water, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, and wheels out the other side. Lo and behold, NEW TIRES!!!

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