I'll never forget my grandpa's last words:
"You need to park a little closer."
Teach a Scouser to fish and he can eat for a day.
Give him the rod and he will stick it in your letterbox and nick your car keys!
*gets hit by a car*
Passerby: "ARE YOU OKAY?"
Me: "Please...I need my...phone."
*opens twitter*
Me: "LMFAOOOOOOO YALL GUESS WHAT"
What is it called when you have four white people in the car?
Clear windows.
You're so fat you need butter to get in the car.
Did you hear what happened to Lorainna Bobbit? She was in an accident on the Garden State Parkway. She told the State Police Officer, "That some dick cut her off."
Why did Paul Walker regret turning in his test?
Because his grade went from 99 to 0 in less than a second.
Two guys in a car get pulled over by a cop. The cop taps the window, and the window rolls down. "Good evening, gentlemen, we're looking for two pedophiles."
The guy quickly closes the window. Ten seconds later, he lowers it again and says, "Ok, we'll do it."
Where would the next Formula race happen?
Answer: On your flat chest.
I was sitting in traffic the other day.
Probably why I got run over.
Yo mama so stupid, she tried to fill her car with Vin Diesel.
What's a rapper's favorite type of car?
A RHYME ROVER
I drove my new rainbow-colored car today. For some reason, it wouldn't go straight.
My last relationship ended because I didn’t open the car door for her. Instead, I just went to the top of the water.
Why did the rapper go to the auto shop?
To get his RHYMES in TUNE.
Why did the frog take the bus to work?
His car got toad.
What’s the difference between a fly and Lady Diana?
The sound when they hit the windshield.
When a "Baby on Board" sticker is a little faded and beat up, you know the kid is at least a year old, and the car is safe to ram.
"John FK, he think he special car no top, everyone see like he on parade. Me, I stay hidden, secret style, no bullets find me. Much smar smarter, no? Scret lifestyle safety."
Why did the telemarketer cross the road?
I don't know.
I don't know either, but I hope there was a car coming.
