Car jokes
Yo mama so stupid, she tried to fill her car with Vin Diesel.
*gets hit by a car*
Passerby: "ARE YOU OKAY?"
Me: "Please...I need my...phone."
*opens twitter*
Me: "LMFAOOOOOOO YALL GUESS WHAT"
Police officers hope you’re a criminal.
Doctors hope you get sick.
Mechanics hope you get car troubles.
But only thieves wish you prosperity.
Weird?
I drove my new rainbow-colored car today. For some reason, it wouldn't go straight.
My last relationship ended because I didn’t open the car door for her. Instead, I just went to the top of the water.
I was sitting in traffic the other day.
Probably why I got run over.
How did Helen Keller drive?
One hand on the wheel, one hand on the road.
Where would the next Formula race happen?
Answer: On your flat chest.
What is it called when you have four white people in the car?
Clear windows.
You're so fat you need butter to get in the car.
What’s the difference between orphans and cars?
I don’t have 1080 cars in my basement.
When a "Baby on Board" sticker is a little faded and beat up, you know the kid is at least a year old, and the car is safe to ram.
"John FK, he think he special car no top, everyone see like he on parade. Me, I stay hidden, secret style, no bullets find me. Much smar smarter, no? Scret lifestyle safety."
Why did the orphan cross the road?
So he can be hit by a car and be reunited with his parents.
I didn’t know how to fasten my seatbelt. Then it clicked.
Your hairline is so far back that I can't even back out of my car.
What's the difference between a speed bump and a road kill?
About 40 mph.
What do you get when you have a class of kids and a speeding car?
A 24 killstreak!
A man got pulled over, and the policeman had stepped out and said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
The man said, "I was trying to catch up with the traffic."
The officer said, "There is no traffic."
The man said, "Exactly, that’s how far behind I am!"
Why do orphans play with other kids on a playground?
So they will sneak into their parents' car to be a brother or sister.