Car jokes

You could say Japanese car fans and ancient Egyptians are alike—they both worship Datsun.

My nan broke her toe on a brick today. Last time she broke her toe because she kicked her car tire. Does that now mean I have to tow her back to the doctors?

My name is Jafar. I come from afar. There's a bomb in my car. Allahu Akbar!

How many babies does it take to paint wheels red?

It depends on your speed.

What's the difference between a fish and a car?

You can tune a car... but you can't TUNA fish! x3

Did you hear what happened to Lorainna Bobbit? She was in an accident on the Garden State Parkway. She told the State Police Officer, "That some dick cut her off."

What’s the difference between orphans and cars?

I don’t have 1080 cars in my basement.

Why did the orphan cross the road?

So he can be hit by a car and be reunited with his parents.

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to fill her car with Vin Diesel.

Where would the next Formula race happen?

Answer: On your flat chest.

I was sitting in traffic the other day.

Probably why I got run over.

How did Helen Keller drive?

One hand on the wheel, one hand on the road.

What is it called when you have four white people in the car?

Clear windows.

You're so fat you need butter to get in the car.

When a "Baby on Board" sticker is a little faded and beat up, you know the kid is at least a year old, and the car is safe to ram.

"John FK, he think he special car no top, everyone see like he on parade. Me, I stay hidden, secret style, no bullets find me. Much smar smarter, no? Scret lifestyle safety."

Why did the rapper go to the auto shop?

To get his RHYMES in TUNE.

What's a rapper's favorite type of car?

A Rhyme Rover.

Why did the frog take the bus to work?

His car got toad.

My last relationship ended because I didn’t open the car door for her. Instead, I just went to the top of the water.