Car jokes
My nan broke her toe on a brick today. Last time she broke her toe because she kicked her car tire. Does that now mean I have to tow her back to the doctors?
My name is Jafar. I come from afar. There's a bomb in my car. Allahu Akbar!
How many babies does it take to paint wheels red?
It depends on your speed.
What's the difference between a fish and a car?
You can tune a car... but you can't TUNA fish! x3
What happens when a frog's car breaks down?
It gets toad away!
Memes
*gets hit by a car*
Passerby: "ARE YOU OKAY?"
Me: "Please...I need my...phone."
*opens twitter*
Me: "LMFAOOOOOOO YALL GUESS WHAT"
What’s the difference between orphans and cars?
I don’t have 1080 cars in my basement.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
So he can be hit by a car and be reunited with his parents.
I'll never forget my grandpa's last words:
"You need to park a little closer."
Cars are like bullets; you jump in front of one, and they solve all your problems.
Teach a Scouser to fish and he can eat for a day.
Give him the rod and he will stick it in your letterbox and nick your car keys!
A man got pulled over, and the policeman had stepped out and said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
The man said, "I was trying to catch up with the traffic."
The officer said, "There is no traffic."
The man said, "Exactly, that’s how far behind I am!"
What do you get when you have a class of kids and a speeding car?
A 24 killstreak!
Why do orphans play with other kids on a playground?
So they will sneak into their parents' car to be a brother or sister.
Why do the brakes keep squealing?
Because the driver hit it too hard.
Roads be so rough in Oklahoma, I saw a high lifted truck get ended riding lower than a Hot Wheels car.
Your hairline reminds me of a car taking a U-turn.
My dad said he'd get the milk, but he forgot I was in his car.
What's the difference between a speed bump and a road kill?
About 40 mph.
Your hairline is so far back that I can't even back out of my car.