Car jokes
I drove my new rainbow-colored car today. For some reason, it wouldn't go straight.
I was sitting in traffic the other day.
Probably why I got run over.
Yo mama so stupid, she tried to fill her car with Vin Diesel.
How did Helen Keller drive?
One hand on the wheel, one hand on the road.
*gets hit by a car*
Passerby: "ARE YOU OKAY?"
Me: "Please...I need my...phone."
*opens twitter*
Me: "LMFAOOOOOOO YALL GUESS WHAT"
What’s the difference between orphans and cars?
I don’t have 1080 cars in my basement.
I'll never forget my grandpa's last words:
"You need to park a little closer."
What is it called when you have four white people in the car?
Clear windows.
What’s the difference between a fly and Lady Diana?
The sound when they hit the windshield.
"John FK, he think he special car no top, everyone see like he on parade. Me, I stay hidden, secret style, no bullets find me. Much smar smarter, no? Scret lifestyle safety."
Police officers hope you’re a criminal.
Doctors hope you get sick.
Mechanics hope you get car troubles.
But only thieves wish you prosperity.
Weird?
When a "Baby on Board" sticker is a little faded and beat up, you know the kid is at least a year old, and the car is safe to ram.
Why did the frog take the bus to work?
His car got toad.
Cars are like bullets; you jump in front of one, and they solve all your problems.
Teach a Scouser to fish and he can eat for a day.
Give him the rod and he will stick it in your letterbox and nick your car keys!
Why did the rapper go to the auto shop?
To get his RHYMES in TUNE.
My last relationship ended because I didn’t open the car door for her. Instead, I just went to the top of the water.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
So he can be hit by a car and be reunited with his parents.
Where would the next Formula race happen?
Answer: On your flat chest.
What's the difference between the Barracuda car and a fish?
The fish can't go fast.