Car jokes
I told a blonde she needed gas for her car, and she farted into the gas tank.
Why are women like hurricanes?
They come in nasty and wet, then leave with your house and car.
A guy starts chatting to a pretty woman at a party.
Seeing that she didn't back off, he asked her name. "Carmen," she replied. "That's a nice name," he said, warming up the conversation. "Who named you, your mother?"
"No, I named myself," she answered.
"Oh, that's interesting. Why Carmen?"
"Because I like cars, and I like men," she said, looking directly into his eyes. "So what's your name?" she asked.
βBJ Titsngolfβ
I don't have a carbon footprint; I just drive everywhere.
Question: Why does my teenage brother wear a cape to bed?
Answer: Because he can't sleep in his race car bed...
Why do tryhards use Fennecs? It looks better than the Octane.
Why does nobody know that an Octane is a Fennec in disguise?
They have the same hitbox.
What do you call being run over by Michael Jackson?
Being hit by... Being struck by... A smooth criminal.
When you run over a speed bump in a school zone and you remember that there are no speed bumps.
Why do deer stay in front of a moving car?
To commit suicide.
You know that feeling when you're going through a school parking lot and go over a speed bump, then you realize that there are no speed bumps?
Stephen Hawking shows up to a car meet-up.
Me: Let's go to Randy's.
Friend: There's no Randy's.
Me: Ran deez nuts with a car.
Does Lightning McQueen get life insurance or car insurance?
What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair?
This car in RC-XD.
What actor does an orphan hate?
Vin Diesel.
Why can't Helen Keller drive?
Because she is a girl.
I had an uncle who was a conductor. He wasnβt a symphony conductor, nor was he a street car conductor, nor was he a train conductor. He was struck by lightning.
Today is sad. My sister got hit by a car, and I lost my license as a driver.
What do you call a gay drive-by? A fruit roll-up.