There were three men in a car, the driver, a homeless man, and a rapper. The driver takes the to the woods and says, "I'm not really a cab driver, I'm a wanted killer". The homeless man says"I'm not really homeless" and pulls out a chain. The rapper says, "If we're gonna be completely honest, I'm not a rapper, i'm a cop''
What's the difference between Stephen and a car? A car loses oil, Stephen loses the ability to walk.
Your Dad Went To The shop to get milk came back went again but never came back due to a car crash due to a itchy rash
My friend's daughter is taking a job in California parking cars. She says she wants to be a valet girl. For sure. For sure.
An Asian man goes to the eye doctor.
The doctor says, "It looks like you have a cataract."
The Asian guy says, "No Doc, I drive a Rincoln."
1979: I bet there will be "flying cars" in "the future."
2019: The flying cars future.
How are babies and elderly similar?
They are both fun to throw out of moving cars
Yo mama so dumb, she sold her car for gas money.
Yo mama so poor the ducks throw bread at her.
What does Mickey's wife drive?
A Minnie-Van!!
my blind friend got ran over ............ by a parked car
two tomatoes are walking on a road then car runs over one of them and the other says: hi ketchup :D
My bumper sticker says: "👋FORMER BABY ON BOARD."
Q: why cant helen keller drive? A: because shes a woman
I accidentally hit an orphan with my car but I was not worried because he couldn’t tell his parents
Man is out west driving and on the edge of town comes across a tourist stand and sitting in front is with an Indian chief right out of central casting. Dour look, full headdress, a glass jar and a sign that says "Indian chief know all! $5". So the fellow's curiosity gets the better of him and he goes up to the chief, puts $5 in the jar and asks "What did I have for breakfast on this day 10 years ago?". Chief taps his chin for a moment and says "Hmmm eggs. You had eggs!". "Eggs?" shouts the guy "Everybody has eggs! I've been had!" throws his hands in the air and leaves in a huff.
Ten years on, as fate would have it the fellow has occasion to be driving through the same town and sure enough he comes across the same stand, Indian chief, sign and jar. So he stops the car and saunters across the road, goes up to the chief like a smart-ass, holds up his hand and says "How". Chief taps his chin for a moment and says "Poached".
2 drunk men spot a pig on some old farmers land.And they were real hungry (or so they said) and they both decided to take the pig with them into their car and eat it somewhere.And so they did and the farmer came out with a gun while they hurriedly drove off, and the farmer said "well goddammit if it was a pig they wanted why didn't they just take my wife".
What's the point of hiding the screaming speed bump you ran over? You might as well hit it again to A: Stop the screaming. B: Make it look like an actual speed bump. And C... You think it's hilarious the noise it makes when you ran over its stomach.
Little Johnny walks in on his grandfather smoking a cigar.
“May I smoke a cigar?” asks Johnny.
The grandpa replies, “Well, does your dick touch your asshole?”
Johnny replied, “No,” and left the room.
The next day Johnny sees his grandpa getting into a car.
“Can I drive the car?” asks Johnny.
“Does your dick touch your asshole?”
“No.”
The day after that, Grandpa sees Johnny about to eat a cookie.
“Johnny, may I have some of your cookie?” asked the grandpa.
“Does your dick touch your asshole, grandpa?”
“Yep.”
“Then go fuck yourself, this is my cookie.”
Doin' your mom doin' doin' your mom
Doin' your mom doin' doin' your mom
Doin' doin' your mom doin' doin' your mom
You know we straight with doin' your mom
Doin' your mom doin' doin' your mom
Doin' your mom doin' doin' your mom
Doin' doin' your mom doin' doin' your mom
You know we straight with doin' your mom
I’m doin' your mom. Yes yours!
I first saw her in the Wal-Mart pickin' out your drawers.
Big Dolly Parton hair like an 80s prom queen
But her ass was lookin' good all up in those mom-jeans.
I approached her in the checkout line, and said yo baby wassup?
She had two gallons of milk, and I was starin' at her jugs.
Five minutes later she agreed to get with me
So we went and rocked the minivan like Giggity. Giggity. Giggity.
I was ridin' your mom like she was Mario Kart.
I gave her a lift back to her crib cause her car wouldn’t start.
She invited me in the house, and we started makin' out again.
How many times I tap that ass? OVER 9000!
Yeah. She called me Pledge cause I knocked the dust off it.
She later made me a sandwich and she cut the crust off it.
Cause she knows how I like it, and that I’m a little young
To be in the bed, butt-naked doin' your mom.
Doin' your mom doin' doin' your mom
Doin' your mom doin' doin' your mom
Doin' doin' your mom doin' doin' your mom
You know we straight with doin' your mom
My friend Amir didn’t have the greatest driving record because of all the car crashes he got in. He only crashed his plane once in a building. So he had a much better flying record.
