Car

Car jokes

What's black and white and red all over? The prisoner I just hit with my car.

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    • Twinkle, twinkle little star. I hope I'll get hit by a car. I am not dead yet, I hope I'll die. I hope I'll be born to a new whole life.

    A: Why did Sally fall off the swing?

    B: Why?

    A: Because she has no arms.

    Knock, knock.

    B: Who's there?

    A: Not Sally.

    Joe was eating ice cream while walking on the street. He dropped his ice cream. Why?

    B: I don't know, why?

    A: Because Sally was driving the car.

    I went out for a drive and attempted to drift on the road. It didn't end well for me, or for the speed bumps I hit.

    Wait, there aren't any road bumps.

    O h s h i t.

    What did Jay Z say when he got pulled over?

    "I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one!"

    What do I think about the Kennedy assassination?

    First of all, he should have had a roof on that car.

    Twinkle, twinkle, there’s a car Coming like a shooting star.

    I will stand in the way. I will not be seen again. Are you happy I am dead? Now you made it to the end.

    A man got pulled over, and the policeman had stepped out and said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"

    The man said, "I was trying to catch up with the traffic."

    The officer said, "There is no traffic."

    The man said, "Exactly, that’s how far behind I am!"

    What do you get when you have a class of kids and a speeding car?

    A 24 killstreak!

    A pedophile pulls up to little Jonny, lowers his window and asks, "hey little boy, if I give you a lolly, will you come in my car?" Little Jonny replies, "Give me the whole packet and I’ll come in your mouth."

  • 1

    • How many people can you fit in a car?

    6 - 3 in the back, 2 in the front, and my nan in the ashtray.

    Guy: Are you depression? 'Cause you're crippling me.

    Car driver: No, I'm the guy that hit you with his car and crippled you.

    Guy: Don't worry, I was already crippled because I got crippling depression.

    Did you hear about Alicia's car accident?

    She was really drunk and all over the road until she was all over the road.

    I can tell a joke :)

    Twinkle, twinkle, there's a car Coming like a shooting star. I will stand in the way. I will not be seen again. Are you happy I am dead? Now you made it to the end.