Car jokes
What do I think about the Kennedy assassination?
First of all, he should have had a roof on that car.
Twinkle, twinkle, there’s a car Coming like a shooting star.
I will stand in the way. I will not be seen again. Are you happy I am dead? Now you made it to the end.
A man got pulled over, and the policeman had stepped out and said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
The man said, "I was trying to catch up with the traffic."
The officer said, "There is no traffic."
The man said, "Exactly, that’s how far behind I am!"
What do you get when you have a class of kids and a speeding car?
A 24 killstreak!
A pedophile pulls up to little Jonny, lowers his window and asks, "hey little boy, if I give you a lolly, will you come in my car?" Little Jonny replies, "Give me the whole packet and I’ll come in your mouth."
How many people can you fit in a car?
6 - 3 in the back, 2 in the front, and my nan in the ashtray.
How do you fit 100 rape victims inside a Mini Cooper?
In the ashtray.
Guy: Are you depression? 'Cause you're crippling me.
Car driver: No, I'm the guy that hit you with his car and crippled you.
Guy: Don't worry, I was already crippled because I got crippling depression.
Did you hear about Alicia's car accident?
She was really drunk and all over the road until she was all over the road.
I can tell a joke :)
Twinkle, twinkle, there's a car Coming like a shooting star. I will stand in the way. I will not be seen again. Are you happy I am dead? Now you made it to the end.
Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a gun. Get in the car.
Why did Elsa let go of the balloon?
Car show: "Let It Go," get it?
What happens when a black person gets in a car? The check oil light turns on.
New skin unlocked: Blood splatter!
(Obtained by running over 69 children.)
I was hit by a car. Later, my ex lost her bus job.
My name is Jafar. I come from afar. There's a bomb in my car. Allahu Akbar!
What do you call a Chinese car thief?
Tommy Tookamota.
What kind of car does Pikachu drive?
A Volts-wagon.
What fits neatly into a hole, slides nicely between breasts, and if used wrong could choke someone? A seatbelt.
A bus full of nuns die in a car crash and end up at the pearly gates where Saint Peter greets them, "Hello sisters, welcome to heaven. Before you enter, I must ask you all a question." He asks the first nun, "Have you ever touched a penis?" Well, she said, "Just once, with the tip of my little finger." "Ok, dip it in the holy water and you can enter." He repeats the question to the second nun. Well, she says, "I might of held one once." "Ok," says St. Peter, "wash your hands in the holy water and you can enter." Just then, there's a commotion down the line. One nun is trying to push in front of another. St. Peter says, "Sister Susan, there is no rush, you will get in." "That's fine," she replies, "but if I have to gargle that stuff, I want to get in before Sister Mary sticks her arse in it."