A bus full of nuns die in a car crash and end up at the pearly gates where Saint Peter greets them, "Hello sisters, welcome to heaven. Before you enter, I must ask you all a question." He asks the first nun, "Have you ever touched a penis?" Well, she said, "Just once, with the tip of my little finger." "Ok, dip it in the holy water and you can enter." He repeats the question to the second nun. Well, she says, "I might of held one once." "Ok," says St. Peter, "wash your hands in the holy water and you can enter." Just then, there's a commotion down the line. One nun is trying to push in front of another. St. Peter says, "Sister Susan, there is no rush, you will get in." "That's fine," she replies, "but if I have to gargle that stuff, I want to get in before Sister Mary sticks her arse in it."
I told a blonde she needed gas for her car, and she farted into the gas tank.
Why are women like hurricanes?
They come in nasty and wet, then leave with your house and car.
A guy starts chatting to a pretty woman at a party.
Seeing that she didn't back off, he asked her name. "Carmen," she replied. "That's a nice name," he said, warming up the conversation. "Who named you, your mother?"
"No, I named myself," she answered.
"Oh, that's interesting. Why Carmen?"
"Because I like cars, and I like men," she said, looking directly into his eyes. "So what's your name?" she asked.
βBJ Titsngolfβ
I don't have a carbon footprint; I just drive everywhere.
Question: Why does my teenage brother wear a cape to bed?
Answer: Because he can't sleep in his race car bed...
Why do tryhards use Fennecs? It looks better than the Octane.
Why does nobody know that an Octane is a Fennec in disguise?
They have the same hitbox.
What do you call being run over by Michael Jackson?
Being hit by... Being struck by... A smooth criminal.
When you run over a speed bump in a school zone and you remember that there are no speed bumps.
Why do dear stay infront of a moving car
To commit suicide
you know that feeling when your going throught a school parking lot and go over a speed bump then you realize that there are no speed bumps
Stephen Hawking shows up to a car meet-up.
me: lets go to Randy's friend: theres no Randy's me: ran deez nuts with a car
Does Lightning McQueen get life insurance or car insurance?
What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair this car in RC-XD
What actor does an orphan hate?
Vin Diesel.
Why cant Hellen Keller drive?
Because she is a girl
I had an uncle who was a conductor. He wasnβt a symphony conductor, nor was he a street car conductor, nor was he a train conductor. He was struck by lightning.
Today is sad. My sister got hit by a car, and I lost my license as a driver.
