Car jokes
Why are women like hurricanes?
They come in nasty and wet, then leave with your house and car.
A guy starts chatting to a pretty woman at a party.
Seeing that she didn't back off, he asked her name. "Carmen," she replied. "That's a nice name," he said, warming up the conversation. "Who named you, your mother?"
"No, I named myself," she answered.
"Oh, that's interesting. Why Carmen?"
"Because I like cars, and I like men," she said, looking directly into his eyes. "So what's your name?" she asked.
‘BJ Titsngolf’
I don't have a carbon footprint; I just drive everywhere.
Question: Why does my teenage brother wear a cape to bed?
Answer: Because he can't sleep in his race car bed...
Why do tryhards use Fennecs? It looks better than the Octane.
Why does nobody know that an Octane is a Fennec in disguise?
They have the same hitbox.
What do you call being run over by Michael Jackson?
Being hit by... Being struck by... A smooth criminal.
When you run over a speed bump in a school zone and you remember that there are no speed bumps.
Why do deer stay in front of a moving car?
To commit suicide.
You know that feeling when you're going through a school parking lot and go over a speed bump, then you realize that there are no speed bumps?
Stephen Hawking shows up to a car meet-up.
Me: Let's go to Randy's.
Friend: There's no Randy's.
Me: Ran deez nuts with a car.
Does Lightning McQueen get life insurance or car insurance?
What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair?
This car in RC-XD.
What actor does an orphan hate?
Vin Diesel.
Why can't Helen Keller drive?
Because she is a girl.
I had an uncle who was a conductor. He wasn’t a symphony conductor, nor was he a street car conductor, nor was he a train conductor. He was struck by lightning.
Today is sad. My sister got hit by a car, and I lost my license as a driver.
What do you call a gay drive-by? A fruit roll-up.
Why can't people with Tourette's learn to drive?
Because they'll cause a car crash.