Can jokes

Have you heard the word of the day? It’s "legs".

Now, let’s go back to my place and I can spread them.

What do you think of your mom? I can do it.

Armless child: Can you give me a hand??

Me: Ok.

I went to the orphans to paint a picture of their parents so they can actually talk to them.

What is the difference between a school bus and a baseball?

You can throw a baseball, and you can’t throw a school bus.

Dad: Uh, yeah!

Son: Mom, Dad, what are you doing!

Parents: Sex!

Son: What?

Parents: Look, you can spectate!

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Madam.

Madam who?

Madam foot got caught in the door, can you please open it!

A man walks into a bar and sees a piece of steak on the ceiling.

The cashier says, "If you can grab it, your meal's free!"

The man then said, "Nah, the stakes are too high."

Yo mama so hot, she can fit in a mug.

How can a man make the world safer?

By having the chop.

You know what would be the best last thing to say before you die? "No, you certainly can't." JFK's assassin certainly can!

I'm thinking about telling my daughter there's a ghost in the house. At least then I can wear a bed sheet at night and fuck her without her being suspicious.

Me: GUYS GUYS I CAN STOP 9/11.

My friend: How?

Justin: Justin!

What day can you have sex on?

Answer: Wednesday. Why? Because it's hump day.

A: Do you eat food?

B: Yes...

A: You can sit on deez nuts then!

B: Omg I have depression now.

A Roman guy walks into a bar, holds up two fingers and says, "Can I have 5 beers please?"

I give bubblegum to the homeless so they can chew it and still be hungry.

Me and my twin when we share a pizza: there can be only one!

Why did Zayn Malik get his girlfriend to convert to Islam? So she can declare GiGIHADid.

Can a cook and clean for real? No, I do not want no rabbit hare in my house.