Can jokes
"Can I throw you away? You look like my trash can. Oh, wait, you *are* my trash can."
When the guy came in with a gun to rob the store, I said: "Hey, can I borrow that?"
He says "yes." Me, over here, walking to the cashier and saying: "Goodbye!" He screams: "Have mercy!"
I say: "No, not to you, to me. Say goodbye." He says: "No, don't shoot yourself!" It was too late.
Once in 4th grade, right now, I told a random tree, "Hey, my day is bad right now, can we hang later?"
The tree said: "Yeah, we are going to be hanging every day :) !!! If you can last :)"
My pits are hairy, but my I can carry.
Why do orphans never use other people's Wi-Fi?
So they can be connected.
What do you call a disabled person that can walk?
Enabled.
Why do I love a block? Because I can fall off the stairs.
When you don't wear earrings for a long time, the hole can close, and it hurts so much when you want to put it back. 🙄🙄 😁😁😁🤣
Why do cannibals love sex? They can make their own food.
People go to places to see Harry Potter live, but you can just go to the abortion place and see something disappear.
I'm bored so can y'all ask me some questions and I have to answer them?
What’s one food orphans can eat?
Homemade.
Why are 9/11 victims the fastest readers?
They can go through 100 floors in 7 seconds.
OnlyFans, but it’s me smacking your baby daddies with Twisted Tea.
Only Cans.
After standing in line staring at McDonald's menu for 17 minutes,
Me: "Okay, I'm ready. Can you help me not be sad all the time?"
"Brian, can I see that paper for a sec?"
I'm going to start taking confetti with me to therapy so when my therapist asks me, "How are you?" I can say "sad" and toss the confetti everywhere. It'll be like a real-life iMessage!
Your mom is so fat nobody can compare her to anything.
Can anyone play me in a no limits femdom RP on Kik?
You know somebody has a fat ass when someone is standing between you and them, and all you can focus on is that trunk.