Can Jokes

The waiter comes and asks you for the check. Instead I give him a 20 dollar bill and say, "Boy, you can keep it!"

Hey Gwen, next time you're online can you go to "son jokes".

I commented back to you and portory.

Hey, Tanya, can I Tanya ass?

Teacher: Ok kids, time to go home.

The orphan: What is home?

Teacher: Here, I have somewhere for you.

*puts in trash can*

Does anyone know where I can get that picture that went around the internet of Steven Hawking looking at the stairway to Heaven and saying “Oh Fu-k”?

OFF

A black labrador covers the eyes of a white dog. The text says "HIM? NO, HE DOESN'T WANT A COOKIE. HE SAYS I CAN HAVE TWO."

Q: What do a prostitute and a vacuum have in common?

A: If they stop sucking, you can smack them until they start again.

What's one thing that you can say about a train, but not your girlfriend?

Person: So, Jimmy, what do you do all day?

Jimmy Savile: Anyone who I can do.

How can you tell it's a gay barbecue?

'Cause all the hot dogs taste like shit.

Wow, paint can, you have such a colorful personality!

I would tell a joke about my abusive dad, but I can only think of the punchline.

I need to call candy. What's candy? Candy can "bofe" if these balls fit in your mouth.

So, three guys are walking carefully into a bar.

The bartender said, "What can I get you, gentlemen?"

Why is something orphans can never say?

"Let's go home."

What time is it when you get home, can you walk walk home and walk walk home to get a car? I love you, you're the night!

What can you build with people? A boat!

What do you get when skeletons are dancing in a tin can?

Noise!

I can make a living with the "Treat Yo self" budget.

Yet I can’t use the "Help yo self" budget.

Alberta Premier Danielle Smith is in hot water for importing $49 million worth of Tylenol that medical facilities couldn't even use.

I have a few suggestions about what she can do with all that Tylenol.

I have a friend of mine from school. I always see them with bangs, so I never knew what their forehead looked like until one day they came... Their forehead was bigger than Mount Everest, that you can make an entire Olympics mountain climbing audition on that forehead! :)