Can jokes

What's the difference between a human and a tree?

A human can chop down a tree.

A tree can't chop down a human.

I can't handle these puns...

But I can HAND you some puns!

Budum tiss!

Q: What do a prostitute and a vacuum have in common?

A: If they stop sucking, you can smack them until they start again.

Why can you rub a dog's nose in their pee when they go on the carpet but when I do the same to an Alzheimer's patient I get fired from the nursing home?

Person: So, Jimmy, what do you do all day?

Jimmy Savile: Anyone who I can do.

I can make a living with the "Treat Yo self" budget.

Yet I can’t use the "Help yo self" budget.

How can you tell it's a gay barbecue?

'Cause all the hot dogs taste like shit.

What's one thing that you can say about a train, but not your girlfriend?

So, three guys are walking carefully into a bar.

The bartender said, "What can I get you, gentlemen?"

Your mama is so stupid she stayed up all night so she can get some sleep.

You're so skinny, you can barely fit through a door crack.

Me: Can you give me some drumsticks to eat?

Brother: Why though?

Me: So I can just drum up an appetite.

Why do dogs lick their balls? Because they can.

Hey Abygail ;) can we talk? I just wanna say that you prob are sexy :)

Can anyone play me in a no limits femdom RP on Kik?

You can pick your friends and you can pick your 🤥 nose, but you can't pick your friends' noses 👃 👃 👃 👃 👃 👃 👃.

Does it 🚲 🚲 🚲 cycle now?

How can you make an Otter Pop become funny?

Take your shotgun and make an otter go "pop!"

You know somebody has a fat ass when someone is standing between you and them, and all you can focus on is that trunk.

🥫Wewo wewo, stop right now or we will be forced to stop your self.

No, not like you can ketchup!

Do you think I can shoot a basketball?

I make it dip like water.