Can jokes

- What do you call a dog that can do magic?

- A labracadabrador.

A weasel walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Wow, I’ve never seen a weasel before. What can I get you?”

“Pop,” goes the weasel.

Confusion life question!!!

* Can you cry underwater? * Do fishes ever get thirsty? * Why don't birds fall out the tree when they sleep? * Why is a building called that when it's already built? * When they say dog food is new and improved, who tastes it?

Orphan: Can I come over?

Girl: Yeah, but you have to bring your parents.

You can't see me, but when I smile, you can.

He’s so short no one can see you very close by.

Guy with no arms: Even if I don’t have arms, I can do everything you can do.

🎵if you’re happy and you know it clap your hands🎵

Anybody can use this :)

Slow and steady wins the race, but it won't fix your ugly face. 😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣

You're so ugly that they faked a whole pandemic just so you can put on a mask to cover that ugly-ass face.

Took my receipt to the sperm bank so I can get this comeback.

Why can't men play baseball?

Because no one can take the word "balls" seriously anymore.

Chuck Norris came up with the name for Walker, Texas Ranger in sheer brilliance. You can arrange each letter for the name of the show to display the true name being "Wrangler Karate Sex!"

Caution: Looking at your hairline can cause you to be delirious and have hallucinations.

What did Jupiter say to Uranus? Hey, I can see your Uranus from here!

Waitress: What can I get for you?

Me: I'll have a steak.

Waitress: How would you like it?

Me: Immediately!

You can tell if a woman is angry if she is holding a gun.

"You can drink drinks, but you can't food foods."

-Sun Tzu, The Art Of Food

Where can you find the most dads?

Milk Island.

I heard a motivational quote saying faith can move mountains, but faith cannot move your receding hairline.

Your hairline is so deep people can see what you're thinking.