Can jokes
Suzy: How did Jonah fit in the whale?
Teacher: Whales are very big but have small mouths, so Jonah did not actually fit in the whale.
Suzy: Well, the Bible says he did.
Teacher: He did not.
Suzy: When I get to heaven I will ask him how he fit in.
Teacher: How do you know he went to heaven? Maybe he went to hell.
Suzy: Then you can ask him.
Your mama is so skinny she can dodge raindrops.
Why do you need an AR-15?
So my son can use it if he's being bullied at school.
I just found out that one of the new Star Wars shows is going to be about the time that some malware overloaded all of their computers, and I can tell from the title that those computers use Windows!
It's called "The Bad Batch File!"
How can you tell what kind of emo you are?
By how deep the cuts are on your forearm.
When recycling toilet paper, you really need to process the crap out of it.
Conversely, you can recycle a condom quite easily: just turn it inside out and shake the fuck out of it.
They say people can have a sharp mind. Yours is like a dull knitting needle.
How can you never find a hippo hiding behind a weed?
Because they're so good at it.
I want to be a bag so we can be together.
What can you say in bed and in piano class? Im fingering A Minor
How can you tell a woman's pussy is good?
You smell her fingers.
What type of chip can orphan's not eat? The Lay's Family Size chips!
Joe Rogan to Christopher Doemges: "What can you tell me about musicians of the 18th century?" Doemges: "They're all dead already!"
Jesus walks into a motel, puts three nails on the counter, and says, "Can you put me up for the night?"
What's the difference between me and Spongebob?
Spongebob can actually get ripped.
Daveon can barely fit on 5 pages.
Jesus walks into a hotel, hands the inn keeper three nails and says, "Can ya put me up for the night?"
can someone please tell what happened?
The best news about a pretty girl with special needs is that you can get her to do exactly what you want her to do.
I mean, she probably thinks receiving oral is like 100% blood sausage coming right at her.
When can an elephant use an umbrella and not get wet?
When it's not raining.