Can jokes
Where can you donate an aborted fetus?
Your local pizzeria.
Why can't men play baseball?
Because no one can take the word "balls" seriously anymore.
Did you know penguins can fly if you throw them hard enough? Just like children!
I can get my grandma 50% off from her groceries by just scanning my wrist.
Why are 9/11 victims so good at reading?
Because they can go through 100 stories in 5 minutes.
What college can Stephen Hawking not go to? Spelman University.
I said to my girlfriend nothing can ever make you look ugly...
Because you already look ugly.
Orphan: "I get all the A pluses and y'all bad!"
And then I told him: "If you feel so special, try telling your parents. You can't, can you?"
What can you say about that homeless man's life and current status?
Wasted.
What can you say about planes that you can say about stocks?
They both be flying??
Why can't a Leicester fan pull girls? He can only do the fox trot.
Why do you like cream instead of bugs?
Because bugs can kill you.
I don't see why women are complaining about the glass ceiling. I mean, if they reach high enough, they can clean it...
What do you call it when Red Sox can't pull out?
Boston cream pie.
I can't walk, I can't talk, but I can drive a wheelchair.
Can you really wheel my real wheelchair?
Try saying that over and over fast. Bit of a tongue twister.
🇻🇪 Finally, I am a trillionaire. Now I can buy bread.
What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and his wheelchair?
At least his wheelchair can pull a woman.
What does a pizza and a Mexican have in common?
One can feed a family.
You can slap, punch, knock out an orphan, what will they do? They don't have parents!