But jokes

So, every time I walk in the door, my kid shuts his laptop. So, I check his history. It was good, but my wife checked mine, and she didn't say the same. The words I heard were, "Get out!"

I would tell a Koby joke...

But it would just crash and burn.

When you ask your friend if he thinks lunch is good, but he says that he doesn't taste anything.

A priest and Rabbi run out of the orphanage.

Priest: "How the hell did that fire start?"

Rabbi: "I don't know, but what about the children?"

Priest: "Fuck the children."

Rabbi: "Do we have time?"

Priest: "There's always time for something like that."

A man who thinks he's funny but is actually a transvestite/transformer.

I would make a joke about Kobe, but I don't think it would fly very well.

People are fighting in a war, and a man gets hit four times in the arm and says, "'Tis but a scratch!"

And the other guy, looking at him in shock, says, "A scratch? Your arm is off your body!"

I would say something funny, but I would have to dig someone up.

I really want to beat the living daylights out of you, but it's not worth getting the wooden spoon for garbage.

You know how in the movie, "Nightmare Before Christmas," they say they're making Christmas?

I thought Mary and Joseph did, but okay.

I told my friend to fly a plane,

But he threw a ramp off a roof.

What is the best thing about Switzerland?

I don't know, but their flag is a big plus!

Don't you hate it when you do the dishes, but then you realize it wasn't the dishes?

Two WiFi routers got married. The ceremony was OK, but the reception was amazing.

I did a walk today, but I had a walk home from a walk. Walk today, but it when.

When there's no piñata at the party, but the emo kid just hung himself.

Hey, I got some Domino's pizza, salad, breadsticks, and chicken wings for everyone. Yeah, but make sure Ms. Mandingo gorilla don't eat all up, because if she do, I'm going have to shove it up her fur.

Kate: Can we have a threesome?

Trevor: Sure.

The lights go off and Trevor starts doing what he's supposed to be doing, and then he feels something going up his back end. He goes to punch the person behind him, but then he turns on the light, and it was Kate behind him, and he's been fucking the guy the whole time.

When your girl is sucking your dick and chokes on it, not because it’s big but because you haven’t washed it in weeks.

A teacher is teaching a class algebra. Timmy, you've worked out it is AK, but what is 59 minus 12? Timmy shakes his head, not knowing. The teacher asks, "How about AK 49 minus 2?" Timmy replies with um... The teacher becomes frustrated and yells, "What comes after AK, Timmy!?" The white kid at the back stands, shouts 47, and pulls the trigger.