But jokes

Me and my friend roasting each other.

Him: Your dad dropped you on purpose, but my dad dropped me by accident.

Me: But after dropping you, he never picked you up.

I would invite you to play baseball, but there's no home for you to run to.

Tell all the skeleton jokes you want, but I've got thick skin.

What can you catch but not throw?

A cold!

My doctor said I could have up to 20 units a week. But now I've eaten half of my kitchen.

And there's the referee taking down Ronaldo's number.

Not really the time or the place, but it's good to see that we've kept homophobia out of football.

I was Gandalf the Grey.

But now, after just three washes...

East Richmond had a train station, but Richmond is better, why?

I know I've changed my name from tj to selfish king but know it's gunna be selfishking#781.

I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that’s just nuts.

I would say a 9/11 joke, but it wouldn't land well.

I don't really trust the press. Sometimes they wear badges that say "press," but if you press those badges, they just fall over, all surprised.

One day, I was walking down the street, and then I saw something really funny, and then I ran, and I saw a boomer, but I don't really know what I'm talking about, lol.

It's tricky when you're both a moth and a sea captain in charge of a ship, but up ahead, you see a lighthouse.

I'd tell you a joke about my boyfriend's dick, but it's a private joke.

Well, I didn’t get as high as I wanted to, but I’m high enough that if I fall I’d probably break something.

I'd tell a science joke, but I was like, "Nah, it would get no reaction."

They told me Avengers: Endgame was going to be 3 hours long, but honestly? I felt like it was over in a SNAP!

I would tell you a pizza joke, but it's too cheesy.

I can cry, but I don't have eyes. I can fly, but I don't have wings. Who am I?

A cloud.