But jokes

I made a website about orphans, but it doesn't have a home page.

I'd make a joke about epilepsy, but the computer started flashing.

I wanted to play Fruit Ninja, but remembered I don’t have a phone. Guess I gotta draw fruit on my arm!

When babies kick their mother, it's okay, but when I do it, it's a crime...

Fineman, Einstein, and Schrodinger walked into a bar.

Fineman says, "It appears we're inside a joke."

Einstein says, "But only to an observer who saw us walk in simultaneously."

To which Schrodinger says, "If someone's looking through the window, I'm leaving!"

I was digging outside and I found my child's old toy, so I ran to find him, but I could not find him, so I was searching for about 6 hours, but then I remembered why I was digging......

Women are like blackjack. I’m trying for 21, but I always hit on 9.

I wish I knew life, but my dad said it was a mistake to begin with.

I am like mushrooms. Nobody likes me, but everybody tolerates me.

I was on a flight to California, but my next in the Empire State Building.

My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. But, unfortunately, it just made her more upset.

She screamed at me, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”

Children and your meat are actually quite similar.

At first you seem weirded out by spanking it, but later on you start to enjoy it.

I don't really understand 9/11 jokes, but they eventually hit me like a plane.

I saw an emo kid that got a haircut today. But instead of saying “Like ya cut, g” and slapping the neck, I slapped the wrist and said “Like ya cut’s g”.

I'm sorry, but your dad left for milk.

Wilt Chamberlain may have spread his seed among many women, but Kobe spread his brain matter all over California.

My dad said he'd get the milk, but he forgot I was in his car.

The extra detention didn't do much, but the extra chromosome definitely did.

A boy tried to give a tree a high-five, but instead, he ended up hanging.

Unbelievable! When doctors touch my body, it’s alright, but if I do the same to some lady, apparently it’s "harassment!"