Belief jokes

My dad told me a story today. His mom, my grandma, said if a bird gets in your house, someone will die.

That day, a hummingbird got in his UPS truck, and that’s the day he found out that my grandma had cancer. 😭😭😭😭😭 6 weeks later, she died. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

It took Jesus 3 days to respond.

Worst lag ever!

When Stephen Hawking entered Heaven and met with the Lord, after a short interview God asked: "Hey Stephen, I need you to explain to me how does all this stuff work?"

Stephen Hawking said God isn’t real, and the Priest put a boot on his tire. 😂😂😂

Jesus has died on the cross to take away our sins. He has all power, but he won’t abuse it. He will help us through tough times. Have you ever felt that feeling in you that something is a bad idea? That’s Jesus. He is the savior and never let anyone say different.

Our Lord will watch us. We will go to Heaven, the promised land, only as long as we believe he’s real and always here. Don’t let anyone speak less and make you disbelieve in our Lord. This is your choice: believe and go to Heaven, or don’t believe and go to Hell, an eternal death. Make a choice.

Two nuns in a bathtub.

One nun asks, "Where's the soap?"

The other nun says, "It sure does."

Why do orphans like the number seven? It's lucky, so maybe their parents will come back.

Me: Hey God, are you there? It's me, Michael.

God: *SILENCE*

Me: If any gods exist, they better say or do something this instant!

God: *SILENCE*

Why do orphans go to church?

Because there they have a father.

Why did Jesus come back from the dead? He forgot to tell you that you're gay!

So a mom went to her kid and said, "If you pray to God, He will give you your sight back." So he did exactly that.

The next morning, the mom heard a scream, so she went to the kid's room and asked, "What's wrong?" The kid replied, "It didn't work!" The mom said, "April Fools!"

Do you know what a reverse exorcism is?

It's when the demon tells the priest to exit the child's body.

There's only one reason our Education Minister is standing by this curriculum.

In her religion, you NEVER pull out.

Why do orphans love church?

They finally have a father.

What did Satin say to God??

"Bitch, what the fuck you looking at?"

If orphans aren’t religious, they really have no father. 😂

Meya eats meat all her sins is go off when she eat meat.

When God had to take a shit from making a good wife, you pasted between his ass cheeks...

If we can't say "God" in vain, why does He get to?

A priest walked in and said to the kids,

"Hey kids, are you ready for your faptism?"