Belief jokes
I asked my now ex-boyfriend why he’s scared of my cat. He said it was because of the scratches on my arm.
I told him that my cat doesn’t scratch, but he didn’t believe me. He realised what I meant when he noticed I kept hiding my wrist from everyone else.
(Kinda based on the fact that my ex is indeed scared of cats, and he has been scared of my cat, so yeah 😂)
You know how many people said, "This ship will never sink?"
They jinxed it by saying "never sink."
How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.
My dad told me a story today. His mom, my grandma, said if a bird gets in your house, someone will die.
That day, a hummingbird got in his UPS truck, and that’s the day he found out that my grandma had cancer. 😭😭😭😭😭 6 weeks later, she died. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
What's the difference between a Christian and a child who believes Santa exists?
Nothing. They both believe in fairytales!
When Stephen Hawking entered Heaven and met with the Lord, after a short interview God asked: "Hey Stephen, I need you to explain to me how does all this stuff work?"
Stephen Hawking said God isn’t real, and the Priest put a boot on his tire. 😂😂😂
It took Jesus 3 days to respond.
Worst lag ever!
Jesus has died on the cross to take away our sins. He has all power, but he won’t abuse it. He will help us through tough times. Have you ever felt that feeling in you that something is a bad idea? That’s Jesus. He is the savior and never let anyone say different.
Our Lord will watch us. We will go to Heaven, the promised land, only as long as we believe he’s real and always here. Don’t let anyone speak less and make you disbelieve in our Lord. This is your choice: believe and go to Heaven, or don’t believe and go to Hell, an eternal death. Make a choice.
What do you call a really fat psychic?
4chin Teller
I just went to India and thought, "Why do they have so many sniper hitmen?" It turns out the red dot isn't a sniper laser.
My girlfriend who is a Jehovah's Witness had sex with me so hard, she turned to Christianity.
What do two priests say to each other when they walk into an orphanage?
"Let us pray."
Me: Hey God, are you there? It's me, Michael.
God: *SILENCE*
Me: If any gods exist, they better say or do something this instant!
God: *SILENCE*
Why do orphans go to church?
Because there they have a father.
Why did Jesus come back from the dead? He forgot to tell you that you're gay!
Why do orphans like the number seven? It's lucky, so maybe their parents will come back.
A priest walked in and said to the kids,
"Hey kids, are you ready for your faptism?"
If we can't say "God" in vain, why does He get to?
When God had to take a shit from making a good wife, you pasted between his ass cheeks...