Belief jokes
How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.
My dad told me a story today. His mom, my grandma, said if a bird gets in your house, someone will die.
That day, a hummingbird got in his UPS truck, and that’s the day he found out that my grandma had cancer. 😭😭😭😭😭 6 weeks later, she died. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
It took Jesus 3 days to respond.
Worst lag ever!
When Stephen Hawking entered Heaven and met with the Lord, after a short interview God asked: "Hey Stephen, I need you to explain to me how does all this stuff work?"
Stephen Hawking said God isn’t real, and the Priest put a boot on his tire. 😂😂😂
Memes
Jesus has died on the cross to take away our sins. He has all power, but he won’t abuse it. He will help us through tough times. Have you ever felt that feeling in you that something is a bad idea? That’s Jesus. He is the savior and never let anyone say different.
Our Lord will watch us. We will go to Heaven, the promised land, only as long as we believe he’s real and always here. Don’t let anyone speak less and make you disbelieve in our Lord. This is your choice: believe and go to Heaven, or don’t believe and go to Hell, an eternal death. Make a choice.
I just went to India and thought, "Why do they have so many sniper hitmen?" It turns out the red dot isn't a sniper laser.
If a Muslim loses his Faith... Does he throw in the Towel?
What do two priests say to each other when they walk into an orphanage?
"Let us pray."
My girlfriend who is a Jehovah's Witness had sex with me so hard, she turned to Christianity.
Me: Hey God, are you there? It's me, Michael.
God: *SILENCE*
Me: If any gods exist, they better say or do something this instant!
God: *SILENCE*
Why do orphans go to church?
Because there they have a father.
What did Satin say to God??
"Bitch, what the fuck you looking at?"
Why do orphans love church?
They finally have a father.
There's only one reason our Education Minister is standing by this curriculum.
In her religion, you NEVER pull out.
Do you know what a reverse exorcism is?
It's when the demon tells the priest to exit the child's body.
Why do orphans like the number seven? It's lucky, so maybe their parents will come back.
Why did Jesus come back from the dead? He forgot to tell you that you're gay!
Two nuns in a bathtub.
One nun asks, "Where's the soap?"
The other nun says, "It sure does."
If we can't say "God" in vain, why does He get to?