Holy Water

Holy Water Jokes

This guy is boiling water the girl walks in and says “What are you doing” the guy says “I’m making Holy Water” She said “How?” He said “I’m boiling the hell out of it”

Three nuns had to go before mother Superior. The first one goes up to her and she says have you sinned? Yes I have mother I have stolen a bicycle. Okay said mother Superior okay said mother Superior say 100 holy Marys and put dip your hand in the holy water... Up comes nun number two and she says she has sinned she slept with a married man.. so mother Superior says okay save 500 hail Marys and dip your hand in the holy water and go on your way the third nun comes up and she says I peed in the holy water 🤣😂🤣😂😁😁🌈

What is another name 🤔 for Holy water 💧 💧💧 💧💧 💧 💧 💧 💧 💧💧 💧 💧 💧 💧 💧 💧 🚽 toilet water

Three nuns up to Mother Teresa and say Mother Teresa we would not like to be eaten anymore Mother Teresa says okay but first you have to do something Unholy so they a leave and come back 3 days later the first one the first one says Mother Teresa I did something Unholy I took a little kids bike Mother Teresa says okay who drink from the holy water and you are free to go II unlocks upset I did it something worse than her I slept with a married man the last nun walks up and says I did something worse than all of them Mother Teresa says oh god oh gosh are there in the third nut and says I peed in the holy water

You know it's so hard to clean my sex toys. Thank you Jesus for creating holy water

The pastor sees little Johnny sitting on the church steps. Little Johnny is fixated on something. The pastor looks closer and sees that Johnny is stirring up something in an old coffee can. He says, "What you got there little Johnny?" "This here is turpentine, the most POWERFUL liquid in the world.", says Johnny. The pastor shakes his head, sits down next to Johnny and says, "Now you know that's not true son. Holy water is the most powerful liquid in the world. One drop of holy water on a pregnant woman's stomach and the next morning she'll pass a baby boy." Little Johnny says, "Well that may be true. But one drop of this on a cats ass and he'll pass a motorcycle!"

Three nuns are on their way up to heaven after having been involved in a terrible minibus crash on the Italian Alps that killed them and the driver (he went the other direction!) As they're approaching the Pearly Gates to be interview by St. Peter, they are requested by an attendant to form a single line and wait. Sister Agnes is first, Sister Bernadette behind her and Sister Carmel on the end. Finally, St. Peter approaches the nuns to determine their worthiness for entry to Heaven. He says to the first nun : "Sister Agnes, have you ever seen the penis of a man"? Sister Agnes bursts into tears and says : Yes, St. Peter, I have, but please don't let this prevent me from entering the Kingdom of Heaven". St. Peter says : "Never fear, my child. Say a thousand Hail Marys and then go over to that font of Holy Water and wash your eyes out, then you shall enter the Kingdom of Heaven". Sister Carmel sees what's going on and taps Sister Bernadette on the shoulder, somewhat urgently. "Pssst - hey Bernie"!, she says. Sister Bernadette asks : "What is it?" A little annoyed. Sister Carmel says : "Do you mind if we swap places"? Sister Bernadette replies : "What for"? Sister Carmel says : "Well, I wouldn't mind gargling before you stick your ass in there"!

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The first priest asks the second, "How long do we keep the babies in the holy water?", the priest replies, "No clue... I close my eyes when I masturbate"

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I was making holy water and my girlfriend walked in saying what are you doing and I said making holy water and she said how are you making holy water I'm boiling the h#ll out of it

A bus full of nuns die in a car crash and end up at the pearly gates where saint Peter greets them hello sisters welcome to heaven before you enter I must ask you all a question he asks the first nun have you ever touched a penis well she said just once with the tip of my little finger ok dip it in the holy water and you can enter he repeats the question to the second nun well she says I might of held one once ok says st Peter wash your hands in the holy water and you can enter just then there's a commotion down the line one nun is trying to push in front of another st Peter says sister Susan there is no rush you will get in that's fine she replys but if I have to gargle that stuff I want to get in before sister Mary sticks her arse in it.

The priest wantes the little boy to touch his cross the boy said its hard then it shot out holy water and the priest said come again and taste the second cumming of jesus lmao