Behavior jokes

Don't y'all just hate when something funny to you happens and then you just have to be quiet so you don't look like a villain?

Confucius say, "Man who sit in church and fart must sit in pew."

Yo, three kids play hide-and-go-seek. Their names are Trouble, Manners, and Shut Up.

Shut Up hit the police station, Manners hit the trashcan. Trouble is the seeker. When they go and hide and all that shit, the policeman comes up to Shut Up and goes, "Hey kid, what's your name?"

Well, Shut Up looks at him and goes, "Shut Up."

Policeman says, "Excuse me, kid, where's your manners at?"

Shut Up goes, "Oh, Manners? In the trash."

Policeman goes, "Oh, Manners in the trash? And then policeman goes, "Hey kid, are you looking for Trouble?"

Then Shut Up goes and says, "No, Trouble's looking for me."

Are you sure your father isn't a thief?

Because he stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.

Three good friends decided to meet in their favorite caffe.

The meetup was a successful one, because they all enjoyed themselves.

You get a deep voice, you shit talk to 5 year olds.

What do a friend and a mouse have in common? They will both be angry if you throw bricks at them.

Guys, I promise I’m not suicidal, I just like dark things.

*proceeds to walk around the house with headphones in and stare at the ceiling while laying down on the couch*

There are 5 cats on a boat, and 1 jumps off. How many are left?

Zero, they were copycats.

The cannibal got angry, so he threw up his arms.

Go up to someone and say, "I'm sorry for your loss," and see what they do.

When I was recently standing in front of a huge puddle with my buddy, I remembered how he tricked me a week ago. So I tricked him...

I just saw people writing "Zoophile," "Ailurophile," and "Dendrophilia" in their bios. I thought this was cool, but when I wrote "Necrophile" and "Pedophile," I don't know why people started hating me as if I did something wrong. I was just trying to be cool like them, man.

How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?

Pick it up and suck it off...

Man: *behind the women* She's so ugly!

Woman: My back is not a voicemail, unless you're a coward and can only say it behind my back to my face.

What do you call someone who wants to jump off a building?

Cause they want to become Super Man.

I come in from work to see my wife dead on the sofa. As I unzip for one last ride, she says, "BOO!" What kind of a dick fuck does that!

What did the dad say to the kid?

Nothing, he went to get the milk.

Q: Why did the rooster cross the road?

A: To show he wasn't a chicken.

Mom: Don't forget to unload the dishwasher.

Mom: Did you finish your homework?

Mom: We are going to your grandmother's house for Thanksgiving.

Mom: Dad and I talked. We are getting a new car next month.

Son: You are?? Oh my gosh, thank you!

Mom: No, I was just making sure you were getting my texts.

Son: That was cruel!