When you tell your friend he’s a simp and isn’t offended, say it stands for sucking intensely at monkeys' penises.
Yo, three kids play hide-and-go-seek. Their names are Trouble, Manners, and Shut Up.
Shut Up hit the police station, Manners hit the trashcan. Trouble is the seeker. When they go and hide and all that shit, the policeman comes up to Shut Up and goes, "Hey kid, what's your name?"
Well, Shut Up looks at him and goes, "Shut Up."
Policeman says, "Excuse me, kid, where's your manners at?"
Shut Up goes, "Oh, Manners? In the trash."
Policeman goes, "Oh, Manners in the trash? And then policeman goes, "Hey kid, are you looking for Trouble?"
Then Shut Up goes and says, "No, Trouble's looking for me."
What's the difference between a bear with a gun and an American man with a gun?
The bear has common sense not to fire it.
Instead of walking through the door, the owner of the house broke in through the window.
When he came out, a man standing on the sidewalk walked up to him and asked why he hadn't just walked through the door. The owner responded, "I'm pollo vegetarian, and I really just wanted a bit of food."
When the man looked confused, the owner said, "Windows are nature's vending machine."
I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him. That's what I get for buying a pure bread dog.
how to cats relieve themselves in front of people? by licking their puss
Why aren't dogs good at dancing? Cuz they have 2 left feet!
"I only eat food on the right of my plate."
"Are you good at eating?"
"I'm alright at eating."
To spite Santa and Greta Thunberg, I'm burning the coal I got for Christmas.
Tenzin is a sublime charlatan.
- Harib 2019
A teacher says to her class one day, "Whoever answers my next question can go home."
A boy throws his bag out the window.
The teacher asks, "Who just threw that?"
The boy says, "Me! I’m going home now."
What’s the hardest part about being friends with a turtle?
Getting them to come out of their shell.
You are annoying lolllllllll.
I'm too lazy to read gags. http://gestyy.com/eiDOWp
Jordan, you stupid ass! Addison never bothered you so leave her the FUCK alone! How about this? Get up, go outside, stop being a jackass, and get a fucking life!
Little Mickel was on a tree.
He fell down and hurt his knee.
He sat down and started to cry, and from there, he would never lie.
Why do y’all do this?
Because you're lonely.
Family all eating at the table.
Brother: "Hmm, I think I feel gold."
Sister: "Stop the cap."
Brother looks under the table and says, "Nope, just a gold digger."
Dad laughed.
Stepmom storms out of the room.
What do you call a very rude bird? A mockingbird.
I have to say that Halloween is my favorite day...
Every time they see me, kids and mothers run away...
I don’t have a costume so please don’t reprimand...
When I open up the door, I’ve got my penis in my hand.
