Why do some couples make their status "single" after a small argument? Like, I don't put "orphan" after I get into an argument with my family.
I told my girlfriend that the world is flat.
She said "but the world is round"
I said, babe you are my world.
I asked my girlfriend if he wanted to join my family tree... She dropped the rope and ran
Three men are outside Heaven's gates waiting to be go to through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them "Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven".
The first guy says "I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times". The angel gives him an old model pick up, the second guy says "11 years and only once" and is granted a Mercedes.
The last man says "20 years and not once , I loved her with all my heart" and with the angel impressed he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says " I know we are dead but it could be much worse".
The guy looks up and says "How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard"
My girlfriend asked me to write her a poem for Valentines Day: Roses are red, Watches are gold. Get on your knees, And do as you're told.
I hate my wife
What are the three worst words to hear while you are having sex?
Honey, I'm home!
Im at my happiest point in life im dating someone thats autistic, and i was just saying i needed someone special in my life.
Q:what's the hardest thing about losing your virginity A:making sure she doesn't wake up
I asked a Scottish friend of mine how many sexual partners he'd had. He started counting but fell asleep.
like if you have a boyfriend girlfriend or husband or wife or a crush.
My girlfriend is like treasure to me
You need a shovel to find her..
Sex is basically math. You add the bed. Subtract the clothes. Divide the legs to multiply inside.
My girlfriend and I played Russian Roulette once We had sex afterwards even though she lost
i will never forget my girlfriends last words..."get off of me STOP"*slurp*...Dead
I asked my lab partner for sodium hypobromate, but he said Na Br O
A NICKNAME TO CALL YOUR SHORT GF
LITTLE ANKLE BITTER MASTER YODA HASBULA MY LITTLE EWOK
I always keep anti fungal spray with me....coz I don't want to share my gf with anyone
One day little Johnny woke up to get a drink of water. He passed by his parent's bedroom and noticed sheets bouncing. He asked his dad what he was doing he said playing cards, Little Johnny said who is your partner? dad said his mom on his way up he passed by his sisters room and noticed sheets Bouncing around and asked what she’s doing she said playing cards with my boyfriend, Paul. Next day dad came to ask Johnny a questions The father noticed Johnny was still in bed and asked him what he was doing. He saw sheet bouncing and asked Johnny what he was doing he said playing cards. His dad asked him who is his partner was little johnny said you don’t need a partner if you have a good hand
If i don't get a partner for Christmas this year, mistletoe won't be the only thing hanging from the ceiling.
