Partner jokes
My screen lock is my favorite picture of my wife. When I'm on a 14-hour shift, being miserable, hating my life... I pull out my phone and gaze at the picture of my wife. Then I realize it's better here than at home with her ass.
My ex wanted to humiliate me in front of her friends, so she said I was useless in bed.
Should have seen her face when they all disagreed.
Q. What does Jeffrey Epstein get his sex partners for their birthday? A. Crayons.
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were out on a hike. They had been going all day, so they decided to make camp and stay for the night. They both woke up at 3 A.M.
Holmes said, "Look up, Watson, what can you see?"
"Judging from the position of the stars, it looks like it's about 3 A.M."
"What else, Watson?"
"It looks like it will be a beautiful day tomorrow."
"What Else, Watson?"
"What am I supposed to see, Holmes?"
"Elementary my dear Watson, someone stole our tent!"
Wife: Honey, I love you.
Husband: I love you all.
Wife: Awww.......... Wait WHAT?!?!??!
my girlfriend (she's shy)
What are the odds of you being in a relationship that is going on in the next few months?
Love is the best picture you can use to be able for her and I was able for her in the best place for her and I have to be honest and a great team of the team and the way it goes is the first 4th year of my life in my life as a new 💕.
What do you call your mom?
My wwwwiiiiiifffffffeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!@#$%
Who did the bee 🐝 marry?
Her honey!
I asked my girlfriend if she was a smoke alarm. She said, "Is it because I warned him when hotness came?" I said, "No, you don’t shut up!"
What made Adam and Eve's marriage perfect?
He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about his Mom's cooking.
When you’re trying to attract a partner, it’s important to project the qualities you desire. Shit, have I had to suck a lot of cock lately!?
Can't have a smoke with my girl after sex, she's asthmatic.
Plus, she's too young to smoke.
What do you say to your partner with diabetes?
Hey, sugar!
Something you can say about your furniture, but not your partner: "Those legs sure hold a lot of weight."
How did the person feel when his partner wouldn't perform a golden shower on him? Pissed off.
What’s the best part of having sex with a pregnant woman?
You can have sex and a blow job at the same time.
If I don't get a partner for Christmas this year, mistletoe won't be the only thing hanging from the ceiling.
One day, little Johnny woke up to get a drink of water. He passed by his parents' bedroom and noticed sheets bouncing. He asked his dad what he was doing. He said, "Playing cards." Little Johnny said, "Who is your partner?" Dad said, "Your mom." On his way up, he passed by his sister's room and noticed sheets bouncing around and asked what she’s doing. She said, "Playing cards with my boyfriend, Paul." The next day, Dad came to ask Johnny a question. The father noticed Johnny was still in bed and asked him what he was doing. He saw the sheet bouncing and asked Johnny what he was doing. He said, "Playing cards." His dad asked him who his partner was. Little Johnny said, "You don’t need a partner if you have a good hand."
What's the difference between having sex with my girlfriend and a baby?
I don't have a girlfriend.