Asked Jokes

The best way to tell a Hindu person and a Muslim person apart is asking them:

"Are you 7-Eleven or 9/11?"

I used to be in a special needs class, and the teacher sent a student (if you want to call them that) out to the hall for being late.

I asked her, "Why did you send James out to the hall?"

She said, "She was a little tardy."

I asked her, "I thought they all were."

I saw a fat woman at the bus stop today, so I asked her, "When's it due?"

She replied, "I'm not fucking pregnant, you rude prick!"

I said, "I meant the bus, you fat cunt!"

My son caught me masturbating. He asked me, "What are you doing?" and I said, "Don't worry, son, you'll be doing it soon." He asks, "Why is that?" and I said, "My arm's getting tired."

I asked to switch seats on a plane because I was next to a crying baby.

Evidently that doesn't work if the baby is yours.

A meme with a picture of a young child with wide eyes drinking from a cup with a straw. The text above the image says: "When someone asks you what you do for fun and you don't know how to tell them your favorite past time is watching shows about people being murdered."

I asked a kid why he was so blue.

Didn't realize his parents were choking him out.

You have a problem with jokes about dementia? That's funny, I don't remember asking.

I'm not saying I'm ugly...

But when I'm watching porn, the hot, sexy women in my area always pop up and ask me if I'm rich.

I saw a kid crying and I asked him where his parents are.

I love my job at the orphanage.

A panda walks into a restaurant, orders some food, and eats it. Once he was done, he shoots the waiter, then leaves.

Police and detectives arrive at the scene. They ask the waiter, "Who did this to you? What happened?"

The waiter replies, "A panda, eats, shoots, and leaves."

Why do orphans always go to white vans when someone asks?

Because they want to feel wanted.

I asked a man for ten dollars for a cup of coffee. The man said coffee was only a quarter. I told him I was putting all my begs in one ask-it.

Once my cat was playing video games. I was OVERWATCHing him.

I asked him to PAWS the game. He then hissed at me. I was surprised; he usually has a good PURRsonality. He said he YARNED to play the game.

My boyfriend is just like a sexy nerd and I still have to ask him things like that because I'm so distracted from him.

Three guys walk into a room where a man is sitting with an assortment of foods on his plate because it's lunchtime. The guys ask the man to do a favor, and he says, "Sorry guys, I have a lot on my plate!"