Asked jokes

What's worse than a failed suicide, you ask?

I fail suicide because you forgot to do the dishes and your parents come after you and they're the ones to kill you, not yourself.

So a kid was crying... I asked him what was wrong.

I LOVE WORKING AT AN ORPHANAGE!

All of a guy's sons came out gay. He ordered 10 shots in a bar.

The bartender asks, "Do you have anyone in your family who likes women?"

The man said, "My wife does!"

I ask the emo girl if she gets jealous when her phone dies.

I saw that my brother has brain cancer, so I asked him: "Are you big brain?"

I asked my dad, "Are we there yet?" and he told me, "Don't worry, son, it will be a short ride!"

What do you say to your customer at a popsicle stand when he asks for the price?

Dollar a pop!

Get it?

I remember asking my mum: "What's a couple?"

She replied, "Two or three."

Which probably explains her collapsed marriage.

So, an orphan walked into a store. He gets lost and the store clerk asked, "Do you need help finding your parent?" and the orphan ran out crying.

Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road.

So I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?”

I had a new "blonde parts expert" woman call for parts. I needed 2 ought wire for a job. She calls NAPA auto and asks for twat wire. The parts guy was assuming she didn't know about Planned Parenthood? .. 😂🤣

Yo' mama is so stupid, when they said, "Order in the court," she asked for fries and a shake.

Three guys walk into a room where a man is sitting with an assortment of foods on his plate because it's lunchtime. The guys ask the man to do a favor, and he says, "Sorry guys, I have a lot on my plate!"

An orphan went up to Nikola Tesla and asked to travel in time. He then saw his parents put him in a building, saying, "You now live here!"

I once asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite... He said, "NaBrO."

I've asked so many people what LGBTQ stands for. So far, no one has given me a straight answer.

A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis. Her mom said, "You should have asked me last night. It was at the tip of my tongue."

I was at work and a few fat women came up to me and asked for some help.

Later that week, I ran into them on the dance floor. One of them asked me if I wanted to dance. I told her no. The other asked me if I knew what was cracking. I calmly said, "The floor."

A snake walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "How?"

My dog is a genius... I asked him what is two minus two, he said nothing.