Asked jokes

I was at work and a few fat women came up to me and asked for some help.

Later that week, I ran into them on the dance floor. One of them asked me if I wanted to dance. I told her no. The other asked me if I knew what was cracking. I calmly said, "The floor."

I've asked so many people what LGBTQ stands for. So far, no one has given me a straight answer.

A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis. Her mom said, "You should have asked me last night. It was at the tip of my tongue."

I don’t know if Jesus was black or white, but I know he for sure wasn’t Asian because people wouldn’t ask him to take the wheel.

Imagine this: You're at math class. The teacher asks you, "What's 11 * 11?" You say, "120." The teacher says, "Wrong!" You say, "How off was I?" The teacher says, "1."

Me rn: REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE WHERES THE RAGE TABLE or something like that.

Orphan: Asks you random joke. What is the difference between my boomerang and my parents?

Me: The boomerang came back.

Kid 1: I like you! Do you like me?

Kid 2: No. You never asked if I love you!

Kid 1: Aw, do you love me?

Kid 2: No!

I asked my wife to embrace her mistakes.

She gave me a hug.

I asked a kid why he was so blue.

Didn't realize his parents were choking him out.

I saw a kid crying and I asked him where his parents are.

I love my job at the orphanage.

Yo mama so dumb, she asked how much a free sample was.

My son caught me masturbating. He asked me, "What are you doing?" and I said, "Don't worry, son, you'll be doing it soon." He asks, "Why is that?" and I said, "My arm's getting tired."

I used to be in a special needs class, and the teacher sent a student (if you want to call them that) out to the hall for being late.

I asked her, "Why did you send James out to the hall?"

She said, "She was a little tardy."

I asked her, "I thought they all were."

A priest walks outside and finds two young boys sitting on a big ice cube. The priest asks what they are doing. The boys answer that the priest always likes a couple of cold ones before he goes on.

Someone asked me to go to hell, so I drove to my local middle school.

I saw a girl crying. I asked her where her parents were, and she started to cry even more.

Man, I love working in the orphanage.

Ask someone to call you a bitch. When they do, tell them, "Bitches do as they are told!"

I asked my kid to give me a hand. That motherfucker cried while charging his mechanical arm.

A panda walks into a restaurant, orders some food, and eats it. Once he was done, he shoots the waiter, then leaves.

Police and detectives arrive at the scene. They ask the waiter, "Who did this to you? What happened?"

The waiter replies, "A panda, eats, shoots, and leaves."

Why do orphans always go to white vans when someone asks?

Because they want to feel wanted.