My dog died. I'm so sad.
How do you count cows with a cowculator?
Why did the chicken cross the road? Cuz he felt like it mind your f***ing business like damn.
A horse walks into a bar.
The barman says...
"Why the long face?"
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
A-lick-a-lot-of-puss.
Why can't you play memory snap in the jungle?
Because there are too many cheetahs.
What does the bee say to the fly?
"Buzz off!"
What's the difference between puppies and orphans?
Puppies actually get picked.
A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.
Three years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: “What the hell was that all about?”
Q: How do you get a squirrel to like you? A: Act like a nut! 😂
Q: Why don't eggs tell jokes? A: Because they'd crack each other up.
Son: Dad, can you put my shoes on? Dad: No, son, I don't think they would fit me.
I'm on a seafood diet. When I see food, I eat it.
I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
Why did the duck not enjoy his restaurant date?
Because he didn't want to see the bill.
A farmer counted 196 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 200.
Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they don’t have pockets. I’m
What do penguins 🐧 eat for lunch?
Freeze burgers.
How do chickens 🐔 get stronger and stronger?
They egg-xercise every day!
Junkyard dogs may be mean, but the meanest dogs are the ones guarding concentration camps.
What do you call a cow that lives in Africa? Moo-fasa!
Fancy playing rodeo sex?
"OK then," she said!
Then put your dick in her ass and say it’s not as tight as your sister’s ass and hold on for dear life... real life cow bow boy shit!
This one is for Gwen, I'm sorry people are so mean to you.
All the big cats gathered for a game of poker. Why did the tiger lose?
Because one of his opponents kept on lion. Another had a puma-nent poker face. But the real problem was the cheetah.
A friend of mine told me this joke a long time ago and I have never forgotten it.
A worm was crawling over a train track, and a train ran over him and cut off his ass. The worm turned around to get the piece of his ass back and another train ran over him and cut off his head.
BAD IDEA and a lesson to us all.
NEVER LOSE YOUR HEAD OVER A PIECE OF ASS!! LMAO (literally, kind of)( pretty sure you get it)
