Animal jokes
The man had no arms and a little girl came over and said, "Give me a high-five."
He said, "I’ve got no arms," and the girl said, "Are you an eel? Cause he don’t have arms."
What do you call a drunk cat? A drunk cat.
A funny joke:
Knock knock. "Who's there?" Who. "Who who?" Ha, who who, you sound like an owl! "Fuck you!"
What's the difference between puppies and orphans?
Puppies actually get picked.
What's black and white and read all over?
A newspaper.
What's black, white, black, white, red, white, black, red, black, then red all over?
A penguin falling down the stairs.
Did you hear about the cat jail break out? It was a cat-tastrophe.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue, you look like a donkey, and smell like one, too.
Little Johnny walks into the living room and asks his parents, "Mom, Dad, what do you get when you crossbreed a bulldog and shih tzu?"
The mother and father shrug and say, "We have no idea, Johnny. What do you get?" and little Johnny replies, "You get a bullshit."
If Batman is half bat and half human, how was he made?
"He wasn't because you can't f*ck a bat."
If a furry looks like an animal, sounds like animal, and acts like an animal, can I run over it with my car like an animal?
What do you call a llama that was in 9/11? Osama Bin Llama.
"MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE"
My dog died. I'm so sad.
Did you hear about the clam that could play violin?
It had excellent mussel memory.
A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Wow, I've never served a weasel before, what can I get you?" "Pop," goes the weasel.
Quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack.
A man walks into the taxidermist with two monkeys. The taxidermist asked if he wanted them mounted. The man said, "No. Shaking hands will be fine."
What did the mouse 🐭 say when his friend broke their teeth?
Hard cheese! 🧀😂
What does the bee say to the fly?
"Buzz off!"
Why do ducks have feathers?
To cover their butt quacks.