Animal jokes
Why do you Scotchmen wear kilts?
Because sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.
What's the difference between a dog and a rapist?
At least the rapist adds a bit of foreplay before he starts humping people.
"A priest, an imam, and a rabbit walk into a clinic to donate blood. The rabbit turns to the nurse and says, 'I think I'm a Type-O!'"
Why do birds fly upside down over Poland?
There's nothing worth shitting on.
What's the similarities between anonymous and a cow? I think you know...
Why do orphans want to be dogs?
Because they want their own bed and food.
What do you call a bunny jumping backwards?
A receding hairline.
What’s a sheep’s favorite fruit?
A baaaaaaaanaaaaaana!
What's the difference between a bear with a gun and an American man with a gun?
The bear has common sense not to fire it.
I want to die.
What do you call a very rude bird? A mockingbird.
Joke: What do you call a gay alligator detective?
Answer: An Investigator
We were so poor when we were kids, dad used to jerk off the dog to feed the cat.
How do cows say "oof?"
They say, "MOOf."
What is a four-legged animal called that can fly?
A donkey flying in the sky running away from me.
Two men are hunting. One asks: "Did you ever hunt bear?" The other one answers: "No, but one time I went fishing in my shorts."
"I work with animals," the guy says to his Tinder date.
"That's so sweet," she replies. "I like a man who loves animals. Where do you work?"
"I'm a butcher," he says.
I told my friend that there was a tree. On that tree, there were four black chickens. I asked how many beaks do the chickens have. He said four.
Then I said there was a white cat. How many teeth does it have? He couldn't answer, so I said, "Looks like you know more about black cocks than white pussy."
What do you get when you mix a fly and a rabbit?
Bugs Bunny!
What do dogs eat? Dog food.