Animal jokes
One morning, Peppy and George came downstairs for breakfast, but they got a plate of juicy bacon. Their dad had recently gone missing, so they ate it quite sadly.
The next morning, they went to school and asked their teacher, "What is bacon made out of?" The teacher replied, "Pigs, why?" Peppa and George looked horrified.
How do you get a squirrel down from a tree?
You pull down your pants and show it your nuts.
I want to die.
What do you call an octopus with a hat?
An octopus with a hat, of course.
A momma cow and three baby calves are on a farm. The first baby calf asks the momma cow, "Mom, why is my name Rose?"
The mom responded, "Well, you see, when you were born, a rose petal fell on your head."
The second one asks her, "Then why is my name Daisy?"
The mom chuckled and simply replied with, "When you were born, Daisy petals fell on your head."
The last one said, "DUH DUR SURH!"
The mom said, "SHUT UP, CINDER BLOCK!"
I rescued a birdie
I love you, Explain Bear. Please bear my children.
What color flowers do mama cats like to get?
Purrrrrrrple flowers.
What did the hermit crabs do on Mother's Day?
They shellabrated their mommy.
What's Momma bear's favorite baseball team? The Cubs.
"Did you hear about the worst zoo in the world? It only had one dog in it. It was a Shih Tzu."
What did mommy spider say to baby spider?
You spend too much time on the web.
I think I'm a red zebra!! Cuz I'm stripped red, iykwim.
What do you do when your cat's dead?
Play with the neighbor's pussy instead.
What do you call a pile of cats? A meowtain.
What do you call a pile of cheese? A cheese grater.
What did the mama moose say to the calf after it got on her nerves?
"I'm not a-moosed right now."
How do crabs honor their mom’s birthday? The shell-abrate.
What do you call a night person? A night owl 🦉 who is up all night, lol!
Yo Mama is so stupid, she thought the football team Rams were actually the animal rams.
Why can’t Chinese people play baseball? Because they ate the bat!
My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest with a rabid wolf.