Animal jokes
What do you do when your cat's dead?
Play with the neighbor's pussy instead.
Why can’t Chinese people play baseball? Because they ate the bat!
Yo Mama is so stupid, she thought the football team Rams were actually the animal rams.
What do you call a night person? A night owl 🦉 who is up all night, lol!
My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest with a rabid wolf.
What do you call a monkey in a minefield?
A baboom.
What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?
Nothing, because fish can't talk.
What do clams do on their birthday? They shell-brate, but they eat all the cake for themselves because they’re shellfish!
I tried to eat ass once. The donkeys got one hell of a kick!
I went to the mental hospital. I asked one of the kid what its favorite animal was. They said a bird. I asked for a reason. It's because they both jump off roofs.
If Finding Nemo was scientifically correct, Marlin would have changed into a female and mated with Nemo.
What type of deer can jump higher than a house?
All houses can't jump.
What do you call a three humped camel?
Why was the cow afraid?
Because he's a coward!
What did one male whale say to the other male whale?
"She's gonna blow!"
Hey, you know those birds and lizards that feast on decaying flesh?
Oh, sorry, I shouldn't carrion about it.
If I look after chickens, does that make me a chicken tender?
What does a news anchor cow say for the weekly broadcast?
"Here's the beef of the week!"
Why did the duck get arrested?
He tried to quack a safe.
Why are dogs born with balls?
They were having their stick moment when they got given birth, too.