Animal jokes

Why are dogs born with balls?

They were having their stick moment when they got given birth, too.

Why did the duck get arrested?

He tried to quack a safe.

What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?

Nothing, because fish can't talk.

What do you call a monkey in a minefield?

A baboom.

They are hairy.

My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest with a rabid wolf.

What do you call a cat that walks slowly?

CATerpillar

What did the bird go to the hospital for?

For tweetment!

I tried to eat ass once. The donkeys got one hell of a kick!

I went to the mental hospital. I asked one of the kid what its favorite animal was. They said a bird. I asked for a reason. It's because they both jump off roofs.

If a bird flies, and a duck can also run and fly, while a cat walks, why do we drink water?

What do you call a three humped camel?

What type of deer can jump higher than a house?

All houses can't jump.

If Finding Nemo was scientifically correct, Marlin would have changed into a female and mated with Nemo.

Hey, you know those birds and lizards that feast on decaying flesh?

Oh, sorry, I shouldn't carrion about it.

If I look after chickens, does that make me a chicken tender?

What does a news anchor cow say for the weekly broadcast?

"Here's the beef of the week!"

What does the blind man say when walking past the fish market?

“Good evening, ladies.”

What did the owl that's a detective say?

"Hoo did it?"

The only time that cows will make noise is when they are in the moooo-d.